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This got me high:
YEAH MAN!!! 71%
Only slightly. 28%

Votes: 14

 The Guide to Cheap Legal Highs: Garlic

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jul 25, 2001
At Adequacy, we sympathise with those who, striking their own brave new path through the legal and moral morass that is the western world, wish to combine a deep respect for the law with the occassional chemically induced altered mental states. We thus endeavour to bring you the best information on how to achieve such pleasant states without the risks of jail terms and/or condemnation of society.

Today's installment: the wonders of garlic.

[editor's note, by the Adequacy staff] We disclaim all responsibility for whatever results you may experience from this, including any kind of bodily harm. This is presented solely for entertainment purposes, just like the psychic hotlines. Vampiric Goths are well advised not to try this.

[Separate editor's note, by jsm] Please note that the word "Legal" in the phrase "Cheap Legal Highs" is used in an extended, figurative sense and does not constitute an opinion on the legality of any substance in your jurisdiction. Similarly, "Cheap" does not constitute consumer advice.


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Garlic (Allium sativum L.) is one of the world's best known plants. An antibacterial, antifungal, antioxidant, cardioprotective, blood-pressure lowering, sexual potency enhancer, anticoagulant, and more, garlic enjoys the first spot among medicinal spices. But, though rarely admitted either by the medical profession or the natural remedies crowd, it also becomes mildly and pleasantly psychotropic when roasted. The trick is to eat enough of it (by itself) fast enough on an empty stomach.

Recipe: Get a few good heads of garlic. The best are big, purpley on the outside, and large (but don't get confused by size and buy the so-called "elephant" garlic, which is crap). Peel the outer skin off the heads, leaving the unpeeled cloves attached to the base. Drizzle some olive oil over the heads, wrap each separately in aluminum foil, and roast at 350F for an hour and a half.

The garlic will be very soft; you just have to squeeze it out of the bottom of each clove. Eat as many cloves as you can as quickly as you can (and, remember, on an empty stomach; no water, no bread, no nothing), until satisfied with the effects.

Different people have different sensitivities to garlic. The body of the novice eater tends to resist it more, so you'll probably need to consume higher quantities when you start. (Nowaways I can get a respectable high with a bit over half a medium-sized high quality head, but with the normal stuff, I need a bit over a whole head.)

Please take advantage of the comments space to report your experiences.

Next installment of the Guide to Cheap Legal Highs: The thrills of Capsaicin: How to Smoke Chili Peppers.


But wait, there's more!!!!!!!!! (3.50 / 2) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 08:38:12 AM PST
It's antibacterial. It's antifungal. It's an antioxidant. It's cardioprotective. It's blood-pressure lowering. It's a sexual potency enhancer. It's an anticoagulant. It even removes the toughest stains!!

Buy it before this infomercial ends and get two for the price of one! Yes, that's two for the low price of a single unit!

Not enough? We'll even throw in a set of Ginsu 2000 steak knives absolutely free. Ginsu 2000 - it slices, it dices, look at that tomato - you can even cut a tin can with it but you wouldn't want to! Operators are standing by! Call now!!

Find that eating Garlic (none / 0) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 09:13:38 AM PST
Helps as an aphrodisiac. But then your potential partner is repulsed by your breath so it's a bit of a case of swings and roundabouts.

Um (none / 0) (#12)
by suick on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 06:55:26 PM PST
Why would your partner have a problem with what kind of breath you have? Such a person seems rather shallow IMHO, and you should...

Oh, I get it...Hee hee *slaps on back*

c'mon, lower.

garlic's most important function (4.50 / 2) (#8)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:09:07 PM PST
You forgot to mention how effective garlic is when worn around the neck at keeping away Goths and Wiccans.

Goths and Wiccans (3.00 / 1) (#9)
by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:11:13 PM PST
Most of the Goths and Wiccans (independently) I know love the stuff. As Goth Paul put it: "If it's too salty, there isn't enough garlic!" Truly, words of wisdom to live by.

A troll's true colors.

Amen to brother Paul.... (4.00 / 2) (#10)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 05:12:14 PM PST
And what a silly notion that garlic would drive vampires away...What do the undead care about a kitchen spice? I think that is a myth perpetuated by vampires to make their prey feel "safe" or somthing... Kinda like the whole silver and cruicifix thing... how cute... the little mortals think that is going to keep them safe....

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Well I don't know (5.00 / 4) (#11)
by bc on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 05:38:28 PM PST
I'm mortal and if some freak started waving garlic & crucifixes at me, while shouting and chanting and looking scared, I'd leg it sharpish.

♥, bc.

more than I need to know (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 09:53:38 PM PST
As Goth Paul put it: "If it's too salty, there isn't enough garlic!"

I'm really not interested in Paul's sexuality.

too bad for you! (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 10:22:53 PM PST

Too bad (none / 0) (#13)
by Husaria on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 07:21:36 PM PST
Too bad I can't use it.
I've peeled so much garlic in the past two years, (our restaurant has us peel garlic), that I would be immune to the cheap high at this point.
Oh well,
alcohol is a cheap buzz
Sig sigger

Can't get that high (none / 0) (#16)
by Severance X on Sun Dec 2nd, 2001 at 08:58:11 PM PST
I'm allergic to garlic, so it might get me high.

Maybe not in a good way.

No I'm not a vampire/vampyre.

I wish I was, but that's just my ever-present mortality speaking.


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