Actually, I'm a DJ at the Rollerworld here in Climax Scotts, MI. It's a
great gig, and it gives me a voice to reach the public. Of course I play
all the old standards, "Roll Over Beethoven" by ELO, Bachman Turner
Overdrive, REO Speedwagon... But I always slip in a few songs with a
positive, life-affirming message. The great thing is, when I play "Jesus
Freak" by DC Talk it never fails to turn heads, and hearts, towards
something more vital- The Kingdom of God. I love that Christian music and
youth culture has taken a hipper, 'down with it' tact. For years it burned
me that we Christians had to deal with unsavory people like Kurt Cobain and
Ozzy Osbourne for the souls of our youth. But now that Kurt Cobain is in
hell, and Ozzy Osbourne hasn't had a hit in years, it's given us a chance
to take back our culture- out of the gutter and into the pews! Not only is
DC Talk ABSOLUTELY HUGE, playing in front of thousands of teenagers at
Aquire the Fire youth conventions, or up front and center on nationally
televised Billy Graham specials, they're also opening hearts to the Word of
God. I also love those t-shirts that say 'Christ,' but it looks like the
Coke logo- or the ones that read "I believe in Jesus Christ" instead of "I
believe in Crystal Lite."
Anyway, the job at Rollerworld covers my rent, and always leaves me with a humble sum to send to Pat Robertson's Christian
Broadcast Network in order to support great programs like the 700 Club or
Solid-Rock Videos. But my heart truely lies with my other, more Holy
endeavors- my work with area church youth-groups. I feel I can relate to
today's young people and gain their trust because I know what it's like to
deal with peer-pressure, and not know where to turn for help.
Back in the 80's when I was attending Nazareth College, my girlfriend of 6 months,
Faith, was pressuring me to engage in 'heavy petting.' I didn't know what
to do. My roommate told me that 'it feels good,' but I was also concerned
about how it would feel after the act. Would I still be able to look at
myself in the mirror? They were trying times for sure, but through prayer
and ministry I finally saw the light. I had to break up with Faith (my
girlfriend, not my belief that there is one God, and he gave his only Son
to die for our sins). Pastor Arnold helped me realize that if she truely
did love me like she said, she wouldn't have been pressuring me to forsake
my mortal soul a few brief minutes of digital manipulatory bliss commited
outside the sanctity of the matrimonial bed. I know what you're saying to
yourselves, "Do you think you're perfect Mint? You think your poop doesn't
smell bad?" My answer to that is a resounding 'No.' I am not perfect. Only
one man, Jesus, could make such a claim. Occasionally temptation and lust
do get the better of me. Mint Waltman has indeed been a bit of a voluptuary
from time to time.
A few years after college I began to have thoughts that
could only have been placed in my head by Lucifer himself. "What might a
woman's vagina look like? What would it FEEL like?" In a moment of weakness
at my friend Jonathon's bachelor party I allowed myself to watch a
pornographic film called 'Basic Instinct.' During one of the love-making
scenes Jonathon giddily peeped "I'm gonna get to do that tomorrow night."
We all laughed, but I think he was just trying to mask his nervousness. I'd
be nervous too, but I have to admit, a small part of me envied him. Was I
coveting his soon-to-be wife? As I continued to watch this Stag Film I
couldn't help but question my own moral fiber. I reached the breaking point
when the very pretty actress uncrossed her legs, exposing her womanly
virtue for a group of men (and any children who might have accidently been
in the area) to gawk and drool over. Excusing myself, I went to the
bathroom, dropped to my knees and began to pray, "Please God give me the
strength to rid my mind of all that is unHoly. I need you to help me in
this moment of doubt." An estatic feeling coursed through my body. I fell
to the ground shaking as the Hand of God touched me. The warmth, the
spiritual and physical estacy of closeness with one's creator was an
experience I'll remember for the rest of my days. My pants were saturated
with a curious liquid. I'm not Catholic, but could this be the Stigmata? I
am truely blessed. Fifteen minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom, from
hence forward a new man. Everyone gave me a round of applause- but how
could they know what had just happened? "I've just had the most incredible
experience of my life," I announced. They cheered, and Jonathon's cousin
Curtis told me, "Yeah, I make sure I have one of those two, sometimes three
times a day." To tell you the truth I thought Curtis was kind of a slob. He
smokes, I heard he drinks alcohol, and it was his idea to rent the movie. I
had no idea he was so spiritual. So why am I telling you all this? The Lord
works in mysterious ways. The fact that you even found this diary makes me
wonder if God had it planned all along. This internet is a glorious
God-sent gift (unless you're using it for pornography, in which case I will
pray 4 u), a way for the Mint Waltman Internet Ministry to spread the Word
of God. Just the first day I logged on I brought someone into the fold. I hope to post the transcript soon. It just goes to show you what kind of great
things we can make happen using this new technology. I challenge you to
also make a difference! Well, I've gone on long enough! News about the Mint Waltman Internet Ministry Pizza Party and my matriculation into The Promise
Keepers to come!
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