Because they like sitting around in the countryside all day, staring at the clouds and chewing on a piece of straw. Because they can't face the horrors of 'real life', a concept of which they are woefully unaware.

In recent years, articles have begun to surface in the media here in the UK about the crisis in farming, and the blame has been lain at the door of the supermarkets. Just how evil are these supermarkets?

They provide a one-stop source of food, breakfast cereals, beverages, household products, personal items, anything they can think of to make our lives easier. And all available from the one place, which is rarely more than a 30-minute drive from most people's dwellings.

Supermarkets also provide jobs to the most developmentally challenged people in our society, often nurturing them so far as to make them managers, or elect them to the board. Do we find retards in charge of energy companies, IT firms, advertising agencies or accountancy firms? But who has not been served by a retard at their local Sainsbury's, or Wal-Mart as Sainsbury's is branded in the US?

As for their supposedly aggressive pricing policy, which forces farmers to sell their goods at a loss...poppycock. How, how could this happen? Are farmers subsidising their livelihood from some vast stock of inherited wealth? Methinks not. They cry poverty, whilst hoarding shekels in the bank. If the farmers didn't make money, they would go out of business and we'd all be eating mass-produced food.

In any case, it is well known that these farmers subsidise their profits by growing illegal crops. How can 75% of the world's heroin come from Afghanistan when regular flights there have only recently been reinstated? The link between growing 'smuck', as it is known on the streets, and isolated rural communities such as Cumbria has been clearly established in the academic literature. And, as anybody who has ever had the misfortune to meet a 'weed'-eater will know, the paralysing effects of this drug well fit in with the bucolic surroundings which farmers spend all day gambolling in.

There is no need to discuss the vast subsidies that Western liberal governments, indebted to the massive farming lobby for much of their campaign finance, fork out to these farmers. It transpires that now some are being paid NOT to farm their land. Does Microsoft receive government subsidies or receive favours in exchange for donations? Of course not, since Microsoft is, has been proved again and again in the courts, a legitimate business entity, and not a closely knit association of organised criminals.

In short, I am fed up with hearing drug-addled farmers bemoaning their fate whilst making inflated profits and the expense of you and I, productive members of society who work for a living.