Culture: Sweetcorn and Milton

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Poll

Votes: 13

Culture: Sweetcorn and Milton

Author:

gzt

Topic:

Diaries

Posted:

Jul 27, 2002

Comments:

I need some advice, so here are two quick cultural questions:

1. What's the best way to butter corn on the cob?

2. I need a hobby, so I'm thinking of doing some good old-fashioned (and postmodern) close reading and analysis into an important text from the literary canon. The question is, which book?

More diaries by gzt

Off to Work

As a simple Middle-Westerner, a large portion of my time is spent buttering sweetcorn and eating sweetcorn. Unfortunately, every method of applying butter I've tried wastes half of the butter. Bastards! Any advice from other hard-working Americans?

And now for the literature question. Hoorah!

I need something to study besides my Bible. I need a book which will provide wisdom and understanding. I would love a book which deserves study and will reward me in many ways for my attempts at understanding. Milton would probably do well for my purposes, but there might be other books which are more suited to my purposes (and are slightly more accessible). Any suggestions?

Or should I just give up, since I'm an unintelligent hack who should stick to manual labor and physics problems?

	Wasting butter? (0.00 / 1) (#1)
	by tkatchev on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 02:21:10 PM PST

	What's wrong with that? I thought that was part of the fun, no? -- Peace and much love...

	Try this (none / 0) (#2)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 02:52:12 PM PST

	First, obtain a copy of Vladimir Nabokov's Lectures on Literature (try the library) and read it from cover to cover three times. Then apply what you have learned to either James Ellroy's American Tabloid or P.K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. Then post your insights here. That shoiuld keep you occupied for a while. For the butter thing, use some good-quality bread (not spongy Wonderbread junk) to mop up the excess butter on your plate.

	Gee, thanks, mate (none / 0) (#3)
	by gzt on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 04:12:30 PM PST

	I'll remember to grab a demi-baguette before the next hoedown. But in the meantime, what am I supposed to do to spread the butter effectively on the corn? When I press on it with the knife to spread it, it slides off the corn before it melts. I eagerly anticipate your response. Cheers, GZ

	The trick (none / 0) (#4)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 05:10:26 PM PST

	Stand up a stick of butter lengthwise, then press the corncob onto the butter and rotate it to cover the whole circumfrence of the cob. Move the corncob back and forth as you go to ensure even coverage. Be sure to have a healthy supply of butter on hand as you go through a lot of butter using this technique.

	How sad. (5.00 / 3) (#5)
	by RobotSlave on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 05:13:03 PM PST

	I thought I'd never see the day when a Midwesterner was raised without learning how to properly butter corn. I guess it's true: globalization is destroying local indiginous cultures everywhere. Take a piece of bread. Put a bit of butter on the bread. Use the bread to apply the butter to the corn. This will both butter the corn and soften the butter, which can then be spread evenly over the piece of bread. And to think this sort of aboriginal wisdom was part of a living culture only twenty years ago. It makes my heart ache, I tell you. © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Whoa. (none / 0) (#6)
	by gzt on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 06:18:50 PM PST

	You blow my mind, RobotSlave. If you ever run for any sort of political office, you have my vote. Thank you for preserving the dying arts of rural cuisine, phallic imagery and all.

	Alternatively, (0.00 / 1) (#7)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 01:51:35 AM PST

	you could use a fork. -- Peace and much love...

	Please re-read project requirements (none / 0) (#8)
	by RobotSlave on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 03:23:49 AM PST

	Use of a fork for this purpose is a waste of butter. Such wanton disregard for domestic utility is further evidence of your alienation from the culture which you would have us believe you speak for, Mishka. Keep at it, though. It's a laugh a minute for everyone, I assure you. © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	WTf, retard. (0.00 / 1) (#9)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 05:26:04 AM PST

	You seem to have confused Hollywood for some sort of ethnographical research institute. It doesn't work that way, dude. -- Peace and much love...

	Dumbass. (none / 0) (#11)
	by RobotSlave on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 02:15:27 PM PST

	You seem to have confused your own petty insecurities for the object of my criticism. © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Re: (0.00 / 1) (#12)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 02:31:17 PM PST

	Oh shush. You are too insignificant to warrant a reply. Have a nice day and try to act polite in the future. -- Peace and much love...

	Wimp. (none / 0) (#13)
	by RobotSlave on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 07:40:29 PM PST

	What's the matter? Did you run out of one-word insults? © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Lord ghod... (0.00 / 1) (#14)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 10:28:05 PM PST

	...look, I'm not at all interested in you. Please go do your mating-dance thing somewhere else. -- Peace and much love...

	I figured as much. (0.00 / 1) (#16)
	by RobotSlave on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 02:27:48 PM PST

	And for someone who doesn't want to dance, you follow a lead really, really well, Kitty. Stick around for the next song, sugar? © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	speling: (none / 0) (#15)
	by nathan on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 02:22:10 PM PST

	"Indigenous." Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	You need a book that addresses all your issues. (none / 0) (#10)
	by elenchos on Sun Jul 28th, 2002 at 01:11:36 PM PST

	And perhaps will make you realize the essential oneness of all things through studying the life of the embodiment of universal love and ultimate Godhead, Lord Krishna. Your love of butter is no accdient, my friend. It is the universe talking to you, leading you to a spiritual life that gives not just butter, but all delicious milk and milk products, the holy place they deserve. I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	Corny Hindu (none / 0) (#18)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Aug 5th, 2002 at 09:50:56 PM PST

	Ghee, a krishna joke. DairI posit that after studying the life of Krishna, he should Gopi outside with the cows, embrace the life-style of a true kshatria by killing his mentors and relatives, and learn to play the flute?

	Spreading the butter (5.00 / 1) (#17)
	by First Incision on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 06:21:41 PM PST

	A wonderful tool has been invented for the express purpose of spreading butter on corn. Tupperware Butter Huggers You take a chunk of a stick of butter and stick it in the tool. As you rub the applicator over your cob, squeeze. The butter is extruded evenly over the kernels for a perfectly buttered corn-on-the-cob. I tried to remove most of the sexual innuendo out of that. It was hard, I mean, difficult. _ _ Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

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