but her plans for school didn't work with mine. she wanted a major that our school doesn't offer. industrial design. so she left. went to school in san francisco.

we were going to make it, though. i don't understand why we didn't, though. she called last october, said she was losing her identity. isn't that the point of a real relationship?

i didn't talk to her for about 6 months after we broke up. i couldn't. then she came to visit some friends here. it was likely the most painful experience of my life. brought everything back, like it was yesterday (am i being overly dramatic? but it's true). we talked, for the first time since we broke up. i still love her, and she said she still loves me.
i want her back, but i don't know if i get to have her again. she is better than i deserve.

i've tried to get over her, too. i dated a girl for a month last winter. utter disaster. i found myself wishing she were diana. it wasn't fair to her. i handled the whole thing very poorly, and the girl ended up breaking the relationship off. i really fear that losing diana has somehow damaged me, damaged my ability to have a relationship. i haven't really been able to connect with anyone, male or female, since diana. and lately, depression has hit me pretty hard, and my classwork has begun to suffer.

hopefully this will pass. i'm sure this hard spot i'm in has something to do with the year anniversary of our breakup.

but dammit. life sucks right now.