One of the very first instant messengers in the field was ICQ, created by an Israeli company named Mirabilis. The name itself is Jewish for "I Seek You," a cute little phrase that grabs your attention if you repeat it a couple of times. When you first download and install ICQ, you will be given your own "UID," a 12 digit identification number that Ariel Sharon's government uses to track website usage. You can then input data about yourself, such as your real name, birthday, nickname, and hacker website.

That's right; ICQ is used primarily by Russian hackers who exchange SMS messages (Seamless Message Send-through). SMS messages are a cryptographic "hash" of the hacker's "datagram packet", which is just techno-speak for "Linux DOSing programs." ICQ has also been criticized for its usage of "peer to peer" datagram technology that Mirabilis licensed from Novell. Mirabilis has been threatened with lawsuits several times from RIAA executives for their inclusion of peer to peer datagrams, but they manage to escape the heavy hand of the law, quartered away safely in Jerusalem.

Conclusion: While ICQ has many useful unique features, such as "birthday reminders," I would be hard pressed to recommend this item of Jewish surveillance to any of my friends, its obvious record industry patent infringement not withstanding.

AOL Instant Messenger

AOL's entrance into the instant messaging foray came with their introduction of AOL Instant Messenger. Built with the knowledge of the ICQ Network's shortcomings, AIM is based on a protocol backend codenamed OSCAR (Ostensible Short Courier and Router, which allows the messages to be sent directly to a username, rather than an IP token). This inclusion proves sufficiently more security than ICQ's usage of the "Peer to Peer" technology of questionable legality. Upon the installation of AOL Instant Messenger, you will be asked to enter your AOL username and password to log on to the network.

After logging on, the user is presented with a myriad of stock tickers, ads, and embedded CGIs. While this may prove useful to the power user, average users such as you and I find these features useless. Unfortunately, AOL felt necessary to include their own form of IP theft - "Aimster," they call it. Aimster is their proprietary music and movie trading service, piggybacking on their OSCAR routing technology. AOL was forced to spin-off their Aimster service to a third party when purchasing Time Warner Enterprises, Incorporated, which is merely a slap in the face to the side of goodwill, as they later went on to release GNUtella.

Conclusion: While AOL refrains from implementing peer-to-peer thieving technology into their service, their history of violating patents and copyrights forbid me from recommending this tripe to anyone. Avoid at all costs.

MSN Instant Messenger/Windows Messenger

Despite being a late entry into the market, Microsoft once again manages to prove their superiority and excellence in every field they enter. Having sat back and watched AOL and ICQ launch their products into the public mainstream, Microsoft knew what to expect, and built their application around their desires. MSN Messenger utilizes a datagram protocol similar to that of OSCAR to route messages to individual email addresses, called SMTP (Simple Message Transfer Protocol). Rather than relying on your AOL username or an Israeli social security number, MSN requires only your email address to function. This allows every user to have their own redundant nickname, such as (*)~KYLE~(*) or even ~*Richard M. Stallman*~.

With the advent of Windows XP, Microsoft packaged a new version of the software with the OS, renamed Windows Messenger. It now features voice chat, file transfer, whiteboard and application sharing, features that no other messenger software includes to this day. It also implements Microsoft's new .NET Alerts technology, allowing you to receive an alert when you get a new Hotmail message, a message when you have been outbid on eBay, and even news of the latest Linux root exploit. All of these features are unparalleled by any instant messaging client on the market to this day, and with none of the patent infringement.

Conclusion: Microsoft's offerings in the field of instant messengers once again reigns over the rest. Microsoft continues to show that innovation is the key to success in the markets they enter, and the sheer number of useful features they have implemented into MSN Messenger puts every other client to shame. If you ever happen to find anyone in the position of entering the instant messenger market, I urge you to point him or her in the direction that every patriotic American would choose. To do otherwise would be letting the terrorists win.