Of course, here in the States we have the occasional breakout of sports fan violence. Sure, occasionally parents will beat other parents to death at Pee-Wee hockey games. But, most of the violence at hockey games is confined to the ice, and it's mostly Canadians that are involved anyway. We still haven't gotten good enough at the game that we don't need to import most of the players.

I have a theory though. If you look at a country where soccer is the all encompassing God of Sport, there isn't much else going on to occupy the average frat boy or beer swilling sofa junkie. I think sports fan violence is reduced in America by the sheer variety of Big Time Proffesional sporting events we patronize.

Generally speaking, most American sports fans don't limit themselves to one particular game. You might be a football fan, but you're probably also a baseball, basketball, or hockey fan as well. Maybe all of them, if you're a frat boy or beer swilling sofa junkie.

Personally, I only really like hockey, and the only team I give a rat's ass about is the Detroit Red Wings. I don't watch hockey any more because they don't tend to broadcast Wings games too frequently here in New York, and somehow the idea of changing my allegiance to either the Rangers, Islanders or (shudder) Sabres just makes me feel dirty.

I have done a fairly good job of fitting in here in New York, but I still can't see the point of baseball. I'm supposed to be a Yankees fan, and as a Yankees fan I'm supposed to hate the Mets. If I were a Mets fan I wouldn't need to hate the Yankees, I would just need to hate Yankees FANS.

Of course, being a baseball fan in New York is easy, because the Yankees have been a very good team for a while now. It's like being a hockey fan in Michigan when the Wings won two cups in a row (in a truly sad state of affairs, I don't even know if the Wings are still in the playoffs or if the hated Ave's knocked them out of the Western Conference Finals). I started getting into the Red Wings just before they got really good again, so I can safely claim to not be a fair weather fan.

Back to the theory though. If I graded this as an essay I would take off points for my own rambling, lack of control, and inability to stay on topic.

If the only sport you could watch in the US was golf, I think you'd see a lot more golf riots than you do now. Whoops! Tiger Woods missed that last putt, so his fans start storming around the green, tearing up turf, and burning poor Chi Chi Rodriguez in effigy. (Just to prove I'm not a total idiot ... I realize the chances of these two fine golfers competing in the same match are as likely as the Tigers winning the World Series ... but really, think of Les Nessman trying to pronounce poor Chi Chi's name, and you'll see the humor angle I'm exploiting here)

So, what the world seems to need is more American junk culture washing up on distant shores. I believe increasing the average soccer fan's choice of game would dramatically reduce the number of soccer fan deaths. I propose professional wrestling as the new sport of the future, and name Great Britain as the most likely target for this exciting new competition.