Dell has been enormously successful with the "Dell Direct" model--reducing costs by cutting out the middlemen. I propose to take this revolutionary business model to a virgin market--one where it is likely to be an even bigger success.

Buying illegal drugs is a tremendous hassle for millions of Americans. Consumers must fork over huge wads of cash and jump through countless hoops at risk of arrest--all to access an unreliable, potentially unsafe supply cocaine, heroin, or even just pot.

What if it were possible for users to get their desired narcotics safely and securely? What if there were a way to ensure the quality of product? What if there were a way to drastically reduce costs of selling narcotics while still retaining healthy profit margins?

The solution is simple, elegant, and obvious. With hosting in Sealand and a base of operations in international waters, an internet startup could efficiently route distribution from Columbia to your home as online orders flood in--privacy ensured with the strongest crypto available. The challenges to this approach are twofold: marketing and distribution. Yet in reality, these issues are not as significant as they seem.

Marketing could be simply managed. Drug dealers are typically shady characters and of necessity rely on word of mouth to promote their business. With a public website and corporate credibility, we would possess a huge advantage in the marketplace. And after establishing ourselves, no mere startup would be likely to steal market share from us, trust being a huge issue for consumers of narcotics. If Amazon.com can stay in business charging a premium for trust, so could we.

As for distribution, the nation is veined with extensive, effective distribution networks--from street corners to middle schools. By making contracts with the gangs and dealers directly, and paying them a fixed salary, we can establish a uniform cost for narcotics. In return, all we will have to do is ensure the dealers receive their product straight from Columbia--or perhaps, eventually, from our own labs.

Clearly, this business model could reap profits in the hundereds of billions and would be very attractive to even the most jaded venture capitalist. A Harvard MBA being a necessity for soliciting venture capital funding in this day and age, I am pondering applying to business school. The other (and preferable) option would be to find a similarly ambitious and slightly less intelligent Harvard Business School graduate to handle the business side, while I take the role of the free-wheeling "idea man."

That issue aside, the first step is obviously to reserve an appropriate domain name. Thoughts?