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Infidel dogs should be slaughtered with:
An AK-47 6%
The swords of the righteous 6%
The hooked knives of the righteous 0%
The armaments they sold us, which we bought with money they gave us. 87%

Votes: 16

 The Funeral of Bin Laden

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 29, 2001

Moulay Haram ibn Abdullah Rashid gazed meditatively over the expanse of green grass and springtime trees. The dawn light was seeping into the city like the blessings of Allah, gilding the glass towers like with morning sun. He sipped sweet tea and thought with amusement of how different this place had been when he had first arrived, ten years before, in the fourteen hundred and thirty sixth year since the prophet's fabled flight from Mekkah.


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He had truly led a blessed life, he mused, as befits a descendent of the prophet: a moulay. Born in Morocco, the holiest of cities, and raised in the palace of the king, he had grown to manhood in the halls and gardens of one of Islam's finest cities, among some of the Islamic world's most favoured kings and priests.

He though with fondness, as he often did, of that momentous day a quarter of a century ago, when the messengers of Allah had delivered to Khomeini's "great satan", the message that their time was coming to an end. Such a time! The will of Allah had spread across the Earth, as the brave young men of Islam had joined as one, putting aside rivalries that had seen a millennium pass without abatement, to answer the call; finally, to bring the reign of Allah to the world.

Rashid had been blessed to be among those who brought the word of Allah to the "wounded snake" of America. He had watched as the mighty infidel nations of the Earth had beaten themselves to exhaustion against the rock of Allah's will in Afghanistan. He had cheered the blessed mujahideen of Bin Laden, as they slowly destroyed the invading forces of the mongrel dogs. He had laughed to see the American president, as infinitely accursed as Allah is infinitely divine, concede defeat in Afghanistan.

As he watched the trees sway in Central Park, and awaited the call to prayer, Rashid thought over the coming day, and the needs of his business. After coming to America, to cast down the great satan and free the people of america from the domination of the infidel dogs who kept them from the bosom of Allah, Rashid had been blessed to find himself in a position to lay claim to the plentiful oil-fields of Alaska, untouched by the hand of the infidel; surely a sign from Allah that this bounty had been reserved for his most favoured followers.

"Allahu Akbar," began the call from the mosque that had replaced the blasphemous idols that the infidels had constructed in the park.

"Allahu Akbar,
Allahu Akbar,
Allahu Akbar,"

Rashid stepped inside from his balcony, to fetch the mat he had left against the door, having performed his necessary ablutions before awaiting the adhan.

"Ashhadu Allah ilaha illallah,
Ashhadu Allah ilaha illallah,"

He laid the prayer mat on the ground, facing Mekkah, and stood with his head down, and his hands at his sides, thinking. The call from the mosque echoed from the sides of the glass monoliths of New York.

"Ash Hadu anna Muhamadar rasuulullah,
Ash Hadu anna Muhamadar rasuulullah,"

The American yesterday...even now, after so many years in the divine kingdom of Allah, these men still resented their benefactors. Had they not cleaned the streets of criminals and filthy drugs?

"Hayya' alas Salaah,
Hayya' alas Salaah,"

For half a century the infidels had struggled against a descent into chaos and sin, fighting a war on drugs that they could not win, because Allah was not with them. Had the jihad not been triumphant, there would still be prostitutes and criminals, peddling sex and drugs on the street outside this very apartment, and in the most famous park in the world, there would be thieves and vagrants! Yet the impertinent swines persisted in their blindness to the blessings Allah had bestowed upon them, his forgiveness of their resistance as infinite as it is merciful.

"Hayya' ala Falaah,
Hayya' ala Falaah"

He calmed himself. It was not good to be angry during prayer. That was no way to praise Allah, he thought.

"Qad qaamitis Salaah,
Qad qaamitis Salaah,"

His thoughts drifted restlessly back to those momentous years, when the Americans had bankrupted themselves fighting their ridiculous war on terrorism, one year losing in Iran, the next against wily Muammar Quadafi's guerillas in Libya. He sighed to think of Quadafi; such a waste of a brilliant mind. It was a great pity he stood in the way of Allah's truth, for too long preventing proper punishment of criminals, and almost mandating the education of women. His death though regrettable, was the will of Allah.

"Allaahu Akbar,
Allaahu Akbar,
Laa ilaaha illa-Lah."

Rashid commenced the ritual of prayer, as he had five times a day for as long as he could remember, even when he fought the accursed swine of the southern states, most obstinate and revolting of all Americans. Even when the armies of the US were beaten and destroyed by Allah's divine hand, the fools of the South had continued to fight, with pathetic handguns and semi-automatic rifles. A poor match for his AK-47, not to mention the years of experience he and his fellow soldiers had developed, killing well-trained Americans in the Sudan and Arabia.

He blessed the angels at his shoulders, who recorded his deeds, and his prayers completed, he stood and returned inside, where his fifth wife, the prettiest, and the only one he had brought to New York, was completing her prayers. He smiled to see her smooth, pale face, peaceful in reverance for Allah. Inside, away from other men, she wore no chador, and he felt lucky to be the only man in the world who saw her beauty, kept safe from unworthy eyes behind her black chador.

When she completed her prayers, she stood, smiling deferently and said, "May Allah receive our prayers." He embraced her, repeating her words, and felt contented after his prayers. He listened to her speak of a phone conversation she had had with her sister the previous evening. Her sister lived in Beirut, which was peaceful at last after a millennium of fighting. At last the troubled city was free of the insurrections of christian and jew alike.

Her words were interrupted by an uproar in the street, arabic voices yelling and moaning. Rashid rushed to the balcony to see traffic halted all along Park Avenue. What event could provoke such chaos?

His wife's sharp wail from the lounge brought him inside, to see her with her hands covering her faces, quivering and moaning in consternation. The television was on, and a news reporter was speaking, while a scene of an enormous crowd of anguished mourners was shown. The only thing Rashid could think of was the death of Khomeini. He had flown with his father, the prince, to Teheran to attend the funeral, only to be kept back by a crowd of one million mourners who would not willingly give up the Imam to the soil.

As he heard the reporter say the name of the deceased, Rashid felt the same emotion that he had felt as a boy, when he had first heard news of Khomeini's death. A wail leapt unsummoned from his lips as he dropped to his knees, his hands beating his breast in distress.

Bin Laden had been shot.

Their father, their deliver, was no more. How could this be? What accursed son of a mongrel dog could commit this atrocity? He watched uncomprehending as pictures were shown of the assassin, an American, from New Mexico.

Mexico, he thought numbly. The Mexicans still held out bravely, yet stupidly against the divine soldiers of Allah, clinging to the breasts of their disgusting virgin mother goddess. The Mexicans had the strength of their beliefs, but not the strength of Allah. Their end was certain.

But they had said New Mexico. The conquered Mexico. Americans. He gnashed his teeth in anger and pain. He rent his garment. He saw his fifth wife beating her forehead and drew her to himself. She would beat herself bloody if he did not stop her. He felt the anger and sorrow at this terrible loss clench like a fist in his gut, and knew it would not be unclenched until the death of Bin Laden was avenged one millionfold against the countrymen of the killer.


blasphemus infidel (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 11:42:15 AM PST
Your pathetic attempt at currying favor with the rising Army of Allah has only sealed your fate. Traitorous to your own society, your soul is forever defiled. If your own mongrel brothers cannot trust you, neither shall we.

You'll have the world believe that the soldiers of Allah would behave as imperialistically as the Great Satan and its decadent Western allies by invading North America? True, Arabia, and indeed the soil of every Islamic state will be freed of the yankee-dog-pig occupiers, but the lands from whence the infidels came are so soiled that they shall be razed and left vacant for one thousand years. Then it shall be safe for True Muslims to tread upon the soil where the snake once slithered and ate its own.

Missing poll option (4.33 / 3) (#2)
by Starship Trooper on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 12:57:01 PM PST
You forgot "the box-cutters of the righteous."
A seasoned witch could call you from the depths of your disgrace, and rearrange your liver to the solid mental grace

My only prayer has ever been... (4.50 / 2) (#3)
by jin wicked on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 01:10:39 PM PST
Please God/Allah/Invisible Bob, save me from your followers. :(

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

BIBLE BOY (none / 0) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Dec 3rd, 2001 at 10:59:15 PM PST

ignorance! (none / 0) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Dec 11th, 2001 at 09:34:44 PM PST
you ignorant shit!!

you have read your islam books enough to know alot about it, but why must you be so ignorant about the people. it is people like you and bin laden who are giving us muslims a bad name. in my opinion, you are worse than him. he bombed in the name of god (there still is NO evidence that he was infact behind 09/11, but he did bomb a few years prior) and now you are disgracing my religion by pretending to be the "oh-so-knowledgable" and being a shit and writing all this fuckin garbage. this makes me angry. either you are a completely ignorameous fuck and actually believe in what you have written or you are very smart and just want to give islam a bad name. and to think, during the holy months of ramazan.

fuck you asswipe!!

Afghanistan Temp tomorrow: 20000 F (none / 0) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Dec 16th, 2001 at 02:06:37 AM PST
We need to nuke all you bastards

Congratulations. (none / 0) (#7)
by mirrsy on Thu Dec 20th, 2001 at 07:21:44 AM PST
You're an incredible writer. I was left with what could possibly be one of the most accurate glimpses into the probable mentality of the children of Allah.

More. You must write more.

An interesting perspective (none / 0) (#8)
by RevDisk on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 09:38:02 PM PST
The Soviets failed in their invasion of Afghanistan because they were trying to annex their culture into their communist soviet. Unlikely at best. Actually, close to impossible. Why? Because they failed to understand the culture they were dealing with. They were seeking to change Islamic nations into communists.

The US is likely to try to make Afghanis modern capitalists. I have no doubt they're commercialize Afghanistan a good bit. Perhaps too much. But fresh bread, clean water and medicine can mean a lot also.

Islamic fundimentalism is unlikely to ever succeed in Western and Eastern nations. It is a complete culture clash. The Soviets eventually published documents that they never considered invading American soil. The will of the people is too strong, the defensive measures are well distributed, and the population owns too many weapons.

Think any military could invade East Compton in LA? What about Georgia? Not a chance. We cannot change Islamic culture and they cannot change our's. Instead we should learn to live together and respect the positive points of both cultures.

Oh, and now Russia can build a pipeline to the Indian Ocean, through Afghanistan. This goes through non-Arabic soil. Arabia will no longer have a strangle hold on the world's oil supply. Neener neener.


Hanging head in shame (none / 0) (#9)
by cangeceiro on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 01:08:46 PM PST
You are dumb, all i can do is nod my head and say you are dumb. After reading Your post about telling if your kids are hackers, i thought it was just a joke and read even further into some of your posts. And well everything you post is idiotic and moronic. Model parent my ass. Let me guess you are a republican. You are whats wrong with this world, you and everyone that is like you. comet cursor a freaking hacking tool! you are so stupid i hope someone slaps you

you are stupid, stupid, stupid (none / 0) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 29th, 2002 at 09:37:36 AM PST
I'm sure you have heard this before, but you're a moron. You are the most close-minded, misguided person I've ever heard of. I too thought that the "Is your son a hacker" article was a joke, especially because of your link to, but in truth you're just a moron, aren't you? Do you have any grasp on reality? Did you ever attend any kind of school? Have you ever listened to news from a real news source? You are an idiot. You deserve to be publibly beaten. That's all.

you are stupid, stupid, stupid (none / 0) (#11)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 29th, 2002 at 09:38:15 AM PST
I'm sure you have heard this before, but you're a moron. You are the most close-minded, misguided person I've ever heard of. I too thought that the "Is your son a hacker" article was a joke, especially because of your link to, but in truth you're just a moron, aren't you? Do you have any grasp on reality? Did you ever attend any kind of school? Have you ever listened to news from a real news source? You are an idiot. You deserve to be publibly beaten. That's all.


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