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 I'm a teenager, and I want it bad!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 27, 2001
This week's column.

Adam helps a teenager resist temptation, and helps a husband with his marital privileges.

[editor's note, by jsm] Once more, I feel compelled to stand up for sane people in the face of Rightmann's increasingly bizarre opinions.


More stories about Sex
Lolita's World: The disturbing tendencies of the modern man.
Solving Teen Pregnancy
Homosexuality - Is it the next evolutionary step for mankind ?
Open Letter to a Stripper
The Sinister Secret of our Schools
Don't look at me.
My husband wants to do my ass!
'English Style Lovers', with jsm
I have not had relations for months!
My neighbors are foreigners, and they don't fly a flag
Should we circumcize our boy?
Active recruiting
My wife hungers for dark meat, and my nephew is a Commie!
Uncle OSM's Guide to Covert Dating: Episode I
My husband wants me shorn!
Uncle OSM's Guide to Covert Dating: Episode II
My inlaws are not fertile!
Taboo: The Downfall of America
The Time is Right for Manual Sex
Help save a baby, and snowballs
The supposedly civilized Europeans. (A WARNING TO ALL AMERICANS)
It's all about the numbers
Caffeinated mints, and getting into the body you desire.
Why can't I get a second date?
The Heterosexual Geek's Guide to Feigning Homosexuality
I want a mistress!
Mommyism in the Workplace
Lesbian Parenting and the Myth of Gay Children
My roommate is gay! My roommate is a drunk.

More stories by
Adam Rightmann

My husband wants to do my ass!
Rock Star: Headbanging Nights
Saluting American Heroes on Flight 93
We are all children of Adam and Eve
I have not had relations for months!
My neighbors are foreigners, and they don't fly a flag
Have a Right Halloween!
Should we circumcize our boy?
My wife hungers for dark meat, and my nephew is a Commie!
My husband wants me shorn!
My inlaws are not fertile!
Help save a baby, and snowballs
What shall we give up for Lent?
Reclaiming St. Patrick's Day
Let us pray for the priests and victims of sexual abuse
Why can't I get a second date?
I want a mistress!
My roommate is gay! My roommate is a drunk.
Dear Adam,

My boyfriend is pressuring me for premarital sex. I'm having a hard time saying no, because part of me wants to do it too! What do you recommend, besides talking to a priest, they're all perverts and wouldn't understand, or they might even hit on my boyfriend.

Flesh is weakening

Dear Flesh,

Please don't be swayed by the secular humanist anti-religious media, the vast majority of priests are decent, hard working men who you can go to for advice for anything. A few bad apples are found, and the media trumpets them constantly, hoping to drive good people away from the Church and into some heretical paganist tree worship, for their own devious ends. You're too smart for that.

Let me be blunt, premarital sex is a sin. Whether it is a mortal sin or a venial sin depends on the situation. The biggest reason that it is a sin is that you may concieve, and have to raise a child without the benefit of a church blessed marriage. No child should be without a mother and father, and I rue the day that society decided that the best option for these bastards was not adoption, orphanages, foundling houses and monasteries, but rather a govevernment subsidized sinful life with their single mother.

Ideally, you will refrain from premarital sex. For you and your boyfriend I recommend cold showers, organized sports, and learning Linux, all three of these activities are proven to reduce the sex drive and reduce opportunities for sex.

Of course, these are only delaying tactics. The real issue is what kind of man your boyfriend is, and how likely he is to support you if you get pregnant. If your boyfriend is a staunch Catholic, well respected in the parish, and willing to drop out of high school to marry you and support your children, then premarital sex is but a venial sin. I know of many joyful unions that were precipated by such an accident. If your boyfriend is not Catholic, things are a little trickier. If he is a heretical Christian, one of those sects that believe in Jesus but not the Pope, like Protestants, Eastern Orthodoxs and Mormons, he's at least halfway to conversion, the sin may not be as bad. If your boyfriend belongs to an offshoot of Christianity, like Islam or Judaism, it's more a stretch to see him as a good provider, I would at least make him attend a few Masses before going any further, at least as a sign of commitment. If your boyfriend is some sort of pagan, be he Hindoo, New Ager or Buddhist, please, drop him and find someone suitable.

[editor's note, by jsm] What unspeakable, intolerant rubbish. Perhaps I could be permitted to act as the voice of sanity?

Although the onset of puberty is happening at a younger and younger age in the Western world, thanks to genetically modified foods, pollution and the like, it is still the case that most teenage females are incapable of genuine sexual feeling (Source: Hubbard Institute Report on Sexuality, 1999). In something like three quarters of cases, what you are experiencing and believe to be "sexual desire" is not the clean, healthy urge of the unfettered spirit, as experienced by healthy adult humans, but more likely to be the long term psychological effects of sexual abuse in this or earlier lives.

My recommendation would be a) to confront your father with the evidence, b) to report the matter to the local governmental authorities and c) to enter suitable psychological counselling along with your boyfriend. Otherwise, you risk repeating this destructive cycle in future lives.

Dear Adam,

Help me, I'm going a little crazy. My wife and I have not enjoyed marital relations for two weeks. I have talked to her about it, and she says she is just so tired after caring for the kids (Mary 12, John 10, Mark 8, thw twins Luke and John 6, and Rebecca 4), cleaning house, and being a volunteer at the parochial school that she just has no energy left. I'm getting so desperate that I'm almost ready to commit Onanism for relief.

Taking matters into my own hands.

Dear Taking,

Onanism is a serious sin, please say at least 5 Hail Marys and try to hold off a little longer, while I tell you what you need to do.

First, your wife needs help around the house. Fortunately, you have been blessed with a nice sized family, and your eldest daughter is plenty old to learn how to cook and clean. If your wife starts with her now, she will have at least 4 years to perfect the domestic arts before she might get married off. In fact, I strongly recommend a crash course in the domestic arts for both your daughters, we can no longer count on the schools (no, not even parochial schools) to educate young women in the arts needed to maintain a house, as too much of their school day is filled up with trendy fluff like computers and sex ed. Please, let me know how things are going after a few weeks of this new regime, perhaps in a year you can write to tell us about little Eve, Matthew or Peter.

[editor's note, by jsm] "Onanism is a sin", for crying out loud! No it isn't, and a healthy adult male of sub-Thetan level ought to be aiming at masturbation twice-daily in the absence of sexual activity to prevent the buildup of dangerous plasmotoxins, engrams and other unpleasant biochemical byproducts. It is disgusting to me, speaking as a politically liberal scientific rationalist at the beginning of the twenty first century, that loons like Rightmann are still allowed to spout this crap, flying in the face of all known scientific evidence. I say go for it, sex will come if it wants to, if it doesn't then divorce was made cheap and easy for a reason. In the words of great musicians like Doug E Fresh, "Splurge on it!".

I hope readers have enjoyed this balanced (yet still controversial) article.


You have the *right* to marital sex. (4.50 / 2) (#8)
by Starship Trooper on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 09:54:18 PM PST
As is said in Ephesians 5:22-24:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Clearly, if she refuses to copulate with you, she is forgoing her duty to you. I am assuming that you and her are good, decent Catholics; upon showing her this bit of Scripture, she should wilfully submit to your whims.
A seasoned witch could call you from the depths of your disgrace, and rearrange your liver to the solid mental grace

Good Christians? (1.00 / 2) (#17)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 06:54:15 AM PST
Impossible. There is no "good" Christian or "bad" Christian. There is only Christian.

Sin, in your definition, is unavoidable, and therefore, no one can presume "holy" status. Not even A. (adolf) Rightman. -- tho he may lack opportunity for such venial sins.

A wife's duty, as a wife of any faith or none at all, is simply to love her husband. A husband's duty to love his wife.

Show kindness and discretion when necessary,


Living in Conundrum Village (4.75 / 4) (#24)
by hauntedattics on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 08:30:57 AM PST
Dear Mr. Trooper:

I'm in a quandary. What if I want to have a kid and my husband doesn't want one? In fact, what if he wants me to go back on birth control, thus sinning against the oh-so-holy vision of marriage as vehicle for procreation? Should I go ahead and submit to him then? The Bible says I should. Please explain how I can be a good, submissive wife in this case AND follow the tenets of the only true church. My very spiritual and moral existence depends upon the substance of your answer!


: ) Brilliant (2.00 / 1) (#26)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 08:39:51 AM PST

I'd cut his balls off, and siphon em for love seed.

For some reason.... (5.00 / 1) (#40)
by jawad on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 11:47:24 AM PST
I'm reminded of the fable of "The Goose Who Laid Golden Eggs"....

More Paul (none / 0) (#55)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Oct 7th, 2001 at 07:34:47 PM PST
1 Corinthians 7:4
A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife.

So, he gets to decide whether or not you use birth control, not you; the sin is upon his head, not yours.

Now, of course, you may think that your right to rule his body allows you to could bar him from having sex while you take birth control, but then we must consider the next passage:

1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time.
So, what can you do, if he uses your body for sin? Endure it, for

1 Corinthians 7:13
And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to go on living with her, she should not divorce her husband.

Christianity is bullshit (none / 0) (#57)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Oct 13th, 2001 at 11:45:16 PM PST
I'm glad I left the Christian cult. Never in my life have I heard so much bullshit. To think that some people can use a fairy-tale god and a corpse nailed to a cross as an excuse for sexism and racism is so sickening that it just shows some of the trouble associated with this society.

So now you have no moral compass (none / 0) (#58)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Oct 20th, 2001 at 06:48:42 AM PST
Whats to stop you going out and killing someone for no reason ? What is going to give you the checks and balances that you need to avoid moral depravity ? Come on, what is filling the moral vacuum your rejection of Christ has left behind ?

erm (none / 0) (#60)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Dec 7th, 2001 at 11:16:44 PM PST
Excuse me, but people have a right to opinion, Pathetic post about "whats gonna stop you from killing sombody"
Your stupid.

I agree (none / 0) (#62)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Dec 31st, 2001 at 12:51:50 PM PST
The Christian religion is just an excuse for rascism and sexism, it's absolute bullshit. There are a plethora of other religions which practice equality and tolerence. Go pray to your stick of wood and fake martyr, i'd rather burn in hell for being a pagan than willingly sumbit to the will of the Church or your fake god.

erm (none / 0) (#61)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Dec 7th, 2001 at 11:18:12 PM PST
sexist remarks for todays society

Editor abuse (3.00 / 2) (#9)
by sputnik on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 09:58:16 PM PST
I'd just like to take this moment to express my displeasure at jsm's abuse of his powers as editor to push his anti-Christian propaganda. I am quite disappointed with jsm, and pray that the Lord will open jsm's eyes.

Keep in mind (3.75 / 4) (#10)
by Kintara on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 12:04:35 AM PST has the ability to deny him the right to say anything at all, if they feel like it. They don't let anyone print anything that the want. Plus, he didn't edit anything that he said; he just injected his opinion in a way that you could easily ignore it. Not to mention the fact that you don't know if the author didn't agree to let him add his opinion.

true (1.00 / 2) (#21)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 07:37:13 AM PST

Prayers (1.00 / 2) (#16)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 06:49:13 AM PST
Prayers do not sway the Lord from his given course.

You cannot bargain with God. God is, or God is not. Either way, no wheeling/deeling/conning the almighty. Feel free to continue tho, Human studpidy is the only thing more infinte than God.

"but the people want this, but the people want that" Thou Shalt Not Subject Thy God To Market Forces. -- Ken, ch4:v20


jsm's lunch basket is certainly short a sandwhich or 2. Adolf Rightman, however, is equally lacking, and therefore, it is best {for their sake, and for the inherent entertainment value} to let them to continue squabbling like little girls.


abuse? (3.50 / 4) (#27)
by westgeof on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 09:03:30 AM PST
Inseting editors notes is not wrong, as long as they are clearly labeled. That's what they're here for, anyway, to cleanse the articles so that they are appropiate for our lesser eyes.

As for his words being anti-Christian propoganda, I find that amusing. After all, Christianity itself is just propaganda, so it strikes me as funny that you are complaining about propoganda that is attempting to debunk other propoganda. Maybe I just have a wierd sense of humor though.

For the record though, I would have prefered to see jms's comments as a reply, rather than inserted into the article, but that's just a matter of taste.

As a child I wanted to know everything. Now I miss my ignorance.

Wrong. (5.00 / 2) (#39)
by tkatchev on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 10:29:43 AM PST
Christianity is not "propaganda". Christianity is a highly developed and logical life philosophy. Just because you are too lazy and dumb to educate yourself even in the most basic tenets of Christianity doesn't mean that Christianity is irrelevant.

Show some respect. Inane FUD against Christians is simply rude; before judging something, try to at least figure out what exactly you are bashing so vehemently.

P.S. If you really wanted to, I could explain the basics of Christianity to you. Although I'm not really a Christian myself, I do have enough knowledge about it to present a kind of "theology-for-dummies" introduction to Christian beliefs. Feel free to email me at

However, I've a feeling that most of the anti-Christian posturing is simply there to lash out at authority figures and show the world how "bas-ass" you are.

Peace and much love...

Logical? (1.00 / 1) (#42)
by SpaceGhoti on Sun Sep 30th, 2001 at 11:47:20 PM PST
Christianity is a highly developed and logical life philosophy.

What about the Bible do you find logical? Based on what criteria? The fact that its wisdom and laws are written for ancient, parochial societies that didn't even know how to cook their meat properly? The fact that the fundamental belief systems require a leap of faith as opposed to tangible evidence (a hallmark of most religions and religious texts, but that's a discussion for another day)?

Let's see. Working on the Sabbath is prohibited. Why? Because people have a tendency of being worked to death unless someone tells their masters not to. Relevant today? Only for professed workaholics.

Women are prohibited from assuming leadership responsibilities, unless their men are shirking their duties. Why? Because that was tradition, that the "weaker sex" should always be subservient to men. It made sense for child-rearing and maintaining home environments. Relevant today? Only for men who can't get it into their heads that responsibilities should be shared instead of assigned.

Questioning religious authority is strictly prohibited, except when the church fathers (religious authorities in themselves) are posing the questions. Why? Because independent thinking is bad for thought control. Relevant today? Only if you believe 1984 was a guideline for utopia.

I could go on. If you doubt these examples, look them up. I haven't even touched any of the laws and precepts of the Old Testament.

Religion can be used to inspire people to better themselves, to try to leave the world a little happier than how they found it. Religion can also be used to control and abuse the world, making it a little darker. I find that given a little thought and consideration, people don't need religion to make a positive effort. Nor do they need religion to make a negative effort. Christianity isn't a guarantee of either. All it does, like the Islamics, Buddhists and all the rest, is suggest ways to be a better person. If that isn't "propaganda," I don't know what is.

A troll's true colors.

Here, here... (none / 0) (#45)
by hauntedattics on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 01:59:38 PM PST
Thanks for the insight, SpaceGhoti, although I don't tend to think of religion as propaganda...

I have the utmost respect for Christianity as a "highly developed and logical life philosophy." Many people have successfully based their lives around it, and it really works for them. For myself, after reading the Bible and many Christian works, I still can't make my head work the way Christianity wants it to. But I'm happy for those who've embraced it.

Same can be said for SATANISM or ISLAM (none / 0) (#49)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Oct 3rd, 2001 at 06:34:54 AM PST
Many people have successfully based their lives around it

It does not make it right or 'true'.

Satanism and Islam (none / 0) (#56)
by SpaceGhoti on Fri Oct 12th, 2001 at 08:13:13 PM PST
Here's where religious fanaticism rears its ugly head.

If you believe something and it provides a beneficial guideline for smooth cooperative living in society, who cares what label you give it?

The day I believe anyone has a lock on the truth is the day I turn in my hat and live as a hermit. Feel free to delude yourself that you know the Absolute Truth any better than I do. I know I don't know it. So far as I can tell, it's my only edge. You learn more from the questions than you do the answers.

A troll's true colors.

Funny (5.00 / 1) (#43)
by westgeof on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 09:03:03 AM PST
Well, I'll admit to being lazy, but I've yet to meet a single person who thought I was even "only" above-average in intelligence. It's easy to judge people you don't know, try to show a little restraint.

For the record, I've studied Christianity, as well as many other religions, for many years; I could have minored in religion had it been offered. I spent some time trying to find meaning in life, so I took as many classes as I could on different religions, read most of their major works, and was basically turned off by all of them. (Note that among the 'big three' of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, I believe the Islam is the most credible. Kinda funny given the events of the last few weeks.)

Believe it or not, I have actually read the bible, more than once even. I can't quote chapter and verse, but I hope you won't hold that against me. I'm not about to memorize something that isn't even consistant with itself, let alone other works. I find the gnostic's argument more reasonmable, that the bible was simply a rewording of various myths and fables to present an object lesson rather than a true story.

It's really suprising how many people act like they know everything about the bible and christianity, and yet have not even taken the time to read the bible. Maybe if it was an original work I'd be a little more understanding, as I don't for a second buy the argument that Satan created all the previous mythologies that christianity is based on, to confuse us. I really don't see how any sane person can believe even one tenth of this crap. Why do you think young children are brainwashed from birth to believe in it? If you wait until they are capable of more rational thought, as I was, they'll laugh in your face if you try to pass of the bible as truth.

As a child I wanted to know everything. Now I miss my ignorance.

confusing sentence... (5.00 / 1) (#46)
by error27 on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 05:53:14 PM PST
>>Well, I'll admit to being lazy, but I've yet to meet a single person who thought I was even "only" above-average in intelligence.

That sentence is badly phrased. I think it is the quotation marks around "only" that are throwing me off. It looks like you are trying to use the quotation marks to show that the word "only" is used ironically, with reservations, or in some unusual way.

But in this context, it doesn't appear very ironic or unusual to me.

I suspect that the sentence would be a lot more readable if you just edited the superfluous "only" out all together.

Some alternate advice (3.00 / 2) (#11)
by SpaceGhoti on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 02:19:23 AM PST
My boyfriend is pressuring me for premarital sex. I'm having a hard time saying no, because part of me wants to do it too!

Dear Flesh,

In a word, VHEMT. That stands for Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Why abstain from sex? Because Adam is right, you might conceive and have to bear a child. Why is this a crime? There's a possibility the child might grow up to be just like Adam. Were that to happen, both you, your boyfriend and your child would have to be exterminated for the sake of the planet. We just can't take that chance.

My wife and I have not enjoyed marital relations for two weeks....I'm getting so desperate that I'm almost ready to commit Onanism for relief.

Dear Taking,

From the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices: Onanism: masturbation or withdrawing penis from vagina before ejaculation. From the Mirriam-Webster OnLine Dictionary: Onanism: MASTURBATION, COITUS INTERRUPTUS or SELF-GRATIFICATION. Yes, I can see why such a concept scares Adam. You see, Adam has spent his entire life being rejected. His life is filled with nothing but coitus interruptus. This is why he takes such a hard-line stance against pleasure and gratification. If he can't have it, he feels nobody should. He can't even attempt masturbation for fear that his hand would reject him.

I recommend you ignore Adam. Demonstrate sympathy and empathy toward your wife. Find ways to help her out and to praise/encourage her for all the hard work she's doing. You'll find that she'll reciprocate; if not in bed, then in other ways. Until she's feeling up to some bedroom athletics, go for the Onanism. Keep yourself in practice for the big day when she puts out for you again.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality, already in progress.

A troll's true colors.

Congratulations Mr. Rightmann! (3.00 / 1) (#12)
by Well Adjusted Individual on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 04:27:10 AM PST
I would like to publicly declare how much I liked your article - if it wasn't for jsm's constant and nagging destroying of anything christian in your responses - I would recomend it to our pastor.

It's good to know that such rightous and christian men still exist, even though we do not share the same faith we are both true men that draw our hearts and inspiration from the Lord himself.

Please do not let the words of these pagans and atheists sway you from your path of spreading the word of our Lord, you have done well in your latest articles.
-- May the lord strike down those who are not rightous.

Secrets Exposed (0.50 / 2) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 06:31:14 AM PST
It is a little known fact that Well Adjusted & Adolf RIghtman, are, infact, the same person.




You are incorrect! (5.00 / 1) (#20)
by Well Adjusted Individual on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 07:35:03 AM PST
Ken, Mr. Adam Rightmann and I are NOT the same person. As incredible as it may seem, we just happen to share the same ideals. Anyway, Mr. Rightmann is a Catholic person and I'm a Baptist from Rev. Falwell's Thomas Road Baptist Church. As you can plainly see we are not the same person. Besides, Mr. Rightmann writes a lot better than I do thusly I thoroughly enjoy his articles and comments.
-- May the lord strike down those who are not rightous.

Correct, I have never met Well Adjusted (5.00 / 1) (#28)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 09:21:06 AM PST
Individual. He does seem a decent sort, despite the heretical Protestant leanings.

A. Rightmann

I think JSM and Adam Rightmannn (3.00 / 1) (#13)
by nobbystyles on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 04:49:16 AM PST
Are playing 'Good Cop' and 'Bad cop'....

It's working as well....

I'll confesss: all the illegal drugs are at spiralx's house....

agreed (1.00 / 1) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 07:59:01 AM PST
maybe even one & the same person?

Can't be (5.00 / 1) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 08:25:20 AM PST
JSM's never done this sort of thing ever....

yet... (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 08:36:54 AM PST

The Nature of Sin (1.00 / 3) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 06:28:40 AM PST
Here ya go kids, I'm gonna sit ya down and give it straight:

The only sin is to hurt someone, or cause them to be hurt, when it is unnecessary. (war or extreme circumstances, and so, being excluded).

Always show kindness and love, whenever you can. This is the foundation of happiness.

Further, there is nothing inherently wrong with sex. Nothing. Thats just a tribal taboo that you were unfortunate enough to be raised with.

Sex is a pleasant exersize, if done between friends. Sex is a more deep and pleasurable act when your in love with that person.

There is nothing wrong with masturabtion. Its a healthy, if lonely, activity.

To reiterate: hurt = sin, kind = ++ good
sex = good sex in love = great
masturbation = safe, healthy but lonely.

:)The A. Stands for Adolf, kids, not adam


A few words of advice, Ken, (4.00 / 3) (#18)
by CaptainZornchugger on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 07:15:33 AM PST
1) I think you will find that people in general are not likely to find your wisdom particularly useful. For this reason, your habit of commenting multiple times on anything anybody says in any story does nothing but irritate the regulars, and increase the chances of your comments being deleted. 2) Picking two people who disagree with each other and consistently accusing them of being gay lovers was not particularly amusing or insightful when we did it in 5th grade. It was not become amusing or insightful in the intervening years. 3) is a discussion site where logic and reasoned debate is valued. In the parent post, and many posts like it, you expressed disagreement with someone, but did not give supporting evidence. If you are unable to supply supporting evidence, please keep your opinions to yourself. 4) Is it really so hard to figure out how to sign up for an account, considering how much time you spend posting here? If that's too difficult, is it any wonder that much of the site's discussion is over your head?

:) duh (1.00 / 3) (#19)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 07:24:52 AM PST
Good advice.

But I didn;t get this far in life taking good advice.

read the Bible (4.50 / 4) (#29)
by Mint Waltman on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 11:49:41 AM PST
The only sin is to hurt someone, or cause them to be hurt, when it is unnecessary. (war or extreme circumstances, and so, being excluded). Always show kindness and love, whenever you can. This is the foundation of happiness.

You seem to be preaching what the great Christian apologist C.S. Lewis termed 'Christianity and water' in his seminal, though humbly titled work "Mere Christianity". God is not a vague benevolent force to be worshiped only in times of need, and cast off in times of plenty. Certainly God is Love, but God is also Justice and Righteousness. He shall visit condign punishment upon those who stray from the one true path to eternal salvation.

True Christianity does not delimit sin into mortal and venial species. All sin is sin and shall be dealt with accordingly. Sodom and Gamorrah anyone? If He was made to destroy not one, but two cities by man's profane indulgence in the beastial act that dare not speak its name he will certainly punish those who indulge in Onanism.

So sin is only sinful when someone else is hurt? Any sin hurts the sinner to be sure, but it also does injury to your pastor, your parents and your own body. The human body was not designed for self-gratification and such acts cause damage to body and soul alike. If you gave a child instruction as to how to behave appropriatly in public would you not be disappointed to him stray from the commands you imparted unto him? What if you made a great sacrifice on his behalf and he still turned his back to you? Sound familiar? We are but children unto God, and He gave His only Son so that we might be saved. When you sin you make Jesus cry and God angry.

Others have pointed to ad hoc 'scientific evidence' to support their claims that Onanism is harmless, if not healthy. As we all know, blasphemous science is the last refuge of the impious fool. Science is largely the realm of the God-hater. and should be avoided at all costs by the just.

You know the path you must take, and we shall be there to walk with you upon the road to salvation!!

Wrong. (1.50 / 2) (#31)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 12:02:22 PM PST
God cannot be "angry". God loves everyone infinitely, and does not "punish" anyone. Simply put, God gives people complete free will -- including the right to be evil, the right to hurt yourself or others. What you must understand is that heaven and hell are not two different places; it is simply that those souls who are used to sin ultimately hate themselves and hate God. Stewing in your own hatred of literally everything around you for all eternity is indeed hellish; just think about it. However, those souls who are in harmony with themselves and with God will have a blissful time in the afterlife.
This is just common sense, people, not some sort of arcane knowledge.

P.S. Again, I am not making this up -- simply reiterating official church doctrine. Anyone who says otherwise has a weak grasp of Christianity.

A Word From The Author (1.00 / 2) (#32)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 12:54:15 PM PST
First,I say: Thank you. Your comments were insightfull and gave me something to ponder at lunch.

Now, tho, I offer the following, in response and to clarify:

Your Subject Title was: Read The Bible. Excellent advice, to any man or woman, of any faith. I have sir. But, my earlier postings were not meant to convey Christ's words, nor any specific tenant/teaching or preaching from the Bible.

I used the wording of "sin." Universally meant, to show an understanding of "wrongness". If you care to, re-read the above with "wrongness" in place of sin, for clarification.

Now to the more specific remarks:

1: "You seem to be preaching what the great Christian apologist C.S. Lewis..."
-- I have yet to read him, but I thank you for the comparison in advance. Do you mean great truly or was that sarcasm?

2: ". God is not a vague benevolent force..."
-- I agree wholly: Accepting that there is a God, he should be worshiped consistently, not only in times of need. God is all. Unarguable, by me.

However, if my child were God and acted in a manner such as God is depicted as ating in the Bible, a spanking wouldn't suffice for him.

Point in case, quickly: Acts of "vegence" from God. Any random verse and chapter. There are many. Sodom & G., floods, etc. I should encourage my god-child to play well with others. As it seems God encouraged Jesus. Jesus never seems to take out his wrath on other men, while he walked the earth. Advising a "turning of the cheek, and so on." And the majority of the acts he did take... they showed kindness, and just restraint.
Inessence, I would tell my god-childe to play nice with others. And to not be so petty about people. And to let all those chinese who never heard of him into heaven, or recycle em back to earth for a fair chance. In other word, I would nag thy God.

I would also have him revise the 10 commandments. The first 5 only serve to advance preistly & shamanistic roles.

3: . If you gave a child instruction as to how to behave appropriatly in public would you not be disappointed to him stray from the commands you imparted unto him? What if you made a great sacrifice on his behalf and he still turned his back to you? Sound familiar?
--Disappointed? Of course. In a murderous rage, ....uh oh, appartment. flooding, rain and roof leak. to be compl;eted later


Uhhh... (4.50 / 2) (#34)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 01:52:06 PM PST
Please throw the Old Testament out the window if it is bothering you. It has been superceeded by the New Testament. Christianity is about Christ, and only Christ. Not Jahweh. Jahweh is a tribal Jewish god; back in 6000B.C. that was the best we had, and the ten commandments were certainly better than worshipping rocks and trees. However, there is no need to cling to the Torah after we have Christ's teachings. (Consder the New Testament an upgrade of the Old Testament.) Certainly, the Old Testament was valuable in its time, and is still worthwhile as a source of history and wisdom; however, nowadays it is too primitive to base any sort of life philosophy on.

That is not to say that the Old Testament is somehow "wrong" -- it was God's word as interpreted by goat herders in 3000B.C. Modern people have grown a bit beyond the level of goat herders, however, and should take the Old Testament with a big grain of salt.

For a more stimulating philosophical discussion of these issues, I'd advise to read the early Church fathers. (Like St. Augustine.) Beware, though -- it fairly dense, and requires a lot of thinking.

Old Testament Irrelevant? (3.00 / 1) (#37)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 09:14:13 AM PST
Last I checked, Judaism was a flourishing, vibrant and relevant religion. But wait: It totally ignores the New Testament and Jesus, and seems to get along just fine!

Christ's teachings can be as contradictory as the Torah. The Christian claim that the Torah has been superceded by the New Testament is an entirely self-serving claim, and one must wonder why such a claim has been made.

I've an idea... (1.00 / 1) (#38)
by tkatchev on Sat Sep 29th, 2001 at 10:24:33 AM PST
Maybe because they are Christians? Huh? Christianity and Judaism are completely different religions. You personally can believe in whatever you want, but Christians have read, evaluated, and trusted the New Testament enough to base their life philosophy on. You, however, can continue to believe in a bearded guy sitting on a cloud.

Peace and much love...

Sorry, I thought I was being crystal clear (1.00 / 1) (#41)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Sep 30th, 2001 at 12:08:39 AM PST
No, I know why Christians consider the Old Testament less important than the New. I was not attacking the New Testament in any way, just pointing out that attacking the Old Testament was just as dumb as attacking the New, though, upon reading my post again, it seems in a rather obtuse way.

By the way, since the image of a 'bearded guy sitting on a cloud' is a decidedly CHRISTIAN one, you may want to reevaluate how you view Judaism. As well, Jews have read, evaluated and trusted the Old Testament enough to base their life philosophy on it. So, I guess the Old Testament is about as infallible as the New Testament.

Old Law (1.00 / 1) (#44)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 11:19:19 AM PST
I'm 2 lazy to dig out me bible. But didn't Jesus say "I'm not here to change the law" or something to that effect. So the old T. would still be in full effect.

Damn Heathens,


Old Law/New Law/No Law? (none / 0) (#47)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Oct 2nd, 2001 at 12:01:16 AM PST
The only problem is that as soon as Jesus finishes saying "I'm not here to change the law," he goes and says stuff like "marrying a divorcee is committing adultery," which is NOT in accordance with the rules for divorce set out in the Old Testament.

Jesus was basically trying to get as many followers as he could, and like any good political figure (for he was), he was trying to appeal to as many people as possible.

<gasp> (none / 0) (#48)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Oct 2nd, 2001 at 05:36:54 AM PST
u don't mean jesus lied do u?


Academy of God-haters? (1.00 / 1) (#33)
by hauntedattics on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 01:20:46 PM PST
Yup, science is just lousy with God-haters - Galileo, Newton, Schweitzer, Einstein...

I for one wish that science had just been eliminated as an academic discipline around about the apex of the Inquisition. Then we wouldn't have to deal with those annoying inconveniences of life like vaccines, movable type, high-yield agriculture, automobiles, and sanitation.

But that's just me.

I don't think so. (3.00 / 1) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 11:55:39 AM PST
You mistake the meaning of the word "sin". Sin is not a wrongdoing or a crime. Literally, "sin" means "missing the mark". That is, sin is when a somebody is short of perfection. (Which is, duh, all of us.) A sin is a mistake, a fumble. The point of Christianity is not to "punish" sinners, but to show them where they went wrong and help them heal. This is done, ultimately, so that you don't get inadvertently hurt; we do not have the foresight to know what our sinning ultimately leads to, and a priest is someone who is experienced in this and can help you.

Really, think of the Church as a spiritual hospital; the purpose of Christianity is to heal sinners, not to punish them. (Yes, I'm repeating myself for clarity.) There is nothing so horrible about sin -- it happens to everyone. Just be aware of it, and take care.

P.S. The above is the official doctrine of the Christian church. Anything else is either misguided ignorance or outright disinformation.

Hurt? (none / 0) (#52)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Oct 4th, 2001 at 03:24:18 PM PST
The only sin is to hurt someone, or cause them to be hurt, when it is unnecessary.

Over 120,000 people died in August 2001 from AIDS. How much more hurt do you want?

There is no spoon (2.25 / 4) (#35)
by localroger on Fri Sep 28th, 2001 at 02:49:43 PM PST
Even if you spell it "sin." You will not escape the Matrix until you understand this.

Finally (none / 0) (#66)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Sep 1st, 2002 at 02:01:28 AM PST
Fuck yeah, there is no fuckin spoon. Some of the shit they make up on this site boggles my mind. My girl and I have been together (sexually too) since we were 15 (now 23). You people need to grow up and realize the times.

The rules of God (none / 0) (#50)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Oct 4th, 2001 at 02:55:08 PM PST
If your boyfriend is a staunch Catholic, well respected in the parish, and willing to drop out of high school to marry you and support your children, then premarital sex is but a venial sin.

If you have had sex with your boyfriend you are already married in the eyes of God. All you need to do is get your father's permission and get the actual ceremony taken care of.
22:16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. 22:17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

As for if you are not a virgin, well, I believe the punishment for you is death, unless you have gotten a divorce decree from your previous husband(s)-by-sex.

As for if he is a virgin or not, that doesn't matter. Men are allowed to have multiple wives, and are only required to support those wives, not remain faithful to them. Women get to be homosexuals though, in return.

God's Rules (5.00 / 1) (#51)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Oct 4th, 2001 at 03:02:56 PM PST
Here's a quick summary:

Man with Man - never allowed
Man with Woman - only if the two are married or the woman is a virgin and they marry later. Men may have multiple wives. Women may not have multiple husbands.
Woman with Woman - allowed regardless of virginity status or marriage status of the women
Human with monkey or other animal - never allowed

Wouldn't you know it, this happens to correspond exactly with instructions on how to avoid God's wrath through AIDS.

nah (none / 0) (#53)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Oct 4th, 2001 at 08:12:17 PM PST
  1. It is easy to arrange man-man sexual activities so that HIV cannot transmitted;
  2. Man-Woman relations when conducted imprudently often result in HIV transmission;
  3. Woman-Woman relations are probably less likely to result in transmission inasmuch as fewer bodily fluids are exchanged and in smaller quantities, but little conclusive research has been done one way or the other;
  4. It is impossible to contract HIV from bestiality except when sharing an animal with a fellow HIV-infected human. The closest thing that can happen is that one will contract a mutated version of SIV.

However... (none / 0) (#54)
by hauntedattics on Fri Oct 5th, 2001 at 08:26:35 AM PST
But, wouldn't you know it, the man-woman guidelines described in your post don't protect anyone involved from syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV, herpes...

why WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! (none / 0) (#59)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 6th, 2001 at 10:11:47 PM PST
well the only thing i have to say is that why would you wait to have sex until you are married. the way that i see it is would you buy a car without test driving it, NO you should go out and have your fun and experiencing life. you are only a teenager once, so have fun and enjoy it, and for all of those teenagers who are stuck in thier parents fundamentalist views dont worry there is light on the other side

enlightend one

This is the worst piece of crap I've ever read. (none / 0) (#63)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 04:04:46 AM PST
As an atheist I used to have respect for all religions. This is the most pathetic bullshit I've ever heard being called 'religion'. I thought this was a sick twisted joke at first!

You need to stop this elite religious bullshit. Wake up. Your childen are gonna be seriously messed up when they find out that there is no lord to save them from all the bad shit that's gonna happen to them. Wake up and face reality. Give your children the choice you didn't have...

I feel sick... And I feel sorry for your kids for growing up in this jail...

Think of your children... Leave the elite religious society...

// Faaydah

the worst pos ive ever read (none / 0) (#64)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 12:43:17 AM PST
ok i am sorry, but this article is absolutley the worst piece of fucking shit i have ever read. i have half a mind to file a lawsuit. i am a christian and i believe in god, and this asshole dares to say that we are all sinners because we are not devout catholics? I dare to say, maybe he should open HIS FUCKING EYES AND LOOK AROUND. and further more, hindoo? don't you mean hindu? and don't you dare insult them and say they are sinners because they have a different sort of religion as the average christian. they still believe in god even though they call him by a different name. I think you should take your head up from out of your asshole and have a look at the world.

Sin (none / 0) (#65)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 12:04:12 AM PST
Religion is an excuse to keep people from doing things that are concidered social unacceptable. I think that If you love someone, then you should be allowed to experience sex. Only if you are ready. What does a book of laws have to do with your feelings and your body in this place? Nothing. I say if you feel right doing it, then don't let all this religious psychobabble stop you. As long as you love him, it shouldn't matter. These holy laws make no sense. You have to be bound at an altar before you have sex? What is the point. What does that have anything to do with producing offspring and enjoying the pursuit of love and sex. It makes absolutely no difference. All these people who think they know god, deny their body of something it was made to do. If god didn't want you to have sex til you were married, then why are there sexual urges? So you you get driven out of control til you can take it anymore, so you dont crowd the heavenly utopia? It's bullshit. All these idealistic biblical freaks can do is quote words from the bible, while they have no substantial or logical reasoning for following the rules of a book that wasnt even written by the divine creature that they think made them. They call it faith, I call it weakness and naivity. If you love your boyfriend, then go for it. Don't let them tell you that it's a sin. Religion is just an opiate for the masses, a method of exerting control over those who wouldn't follow the basic societal law if it wasn't written down in a book they were told was written by people who heard a great being that they'd never even seen. News flash. These weirdos were probably rabi's strung out on mescaline or too much holy water, spent too much time in the milk bar. People just cant deal with the fact that there may be nothing out there. It burns them, and there is *nobody* who doesn't have doubts. You want to know why? Because somewhere deep down they know the truth. It just hurts them too much to admit it, so they submerse themselves in this lie so they can feel secure with themselves.
If you want to worship something, worship the beauty of humanity. Indulge in it, before you die. Have sex with that one person you love, every day if you want. Why should it be a sin to love, when that is what the bible teaches you?



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