Why can´t people make money out of growing food? Clearly, it is the revenge of the vegetables. They used to enjoy being nurtured in simple, homely, family environments, regularly tended to by the same gnarled hand. Now they grow up in concentration camps, treated like cogs in the machine, not the sensitive plants that they are.

So the vegetables are fighting back, stubbornly refusing to be profitable. No doubt they have moles working for the major supermarkets who contrive to squeeze the Nazi farmer´s profit margins so that they will return to a simple, love-based farming.

Obviously, though, this underground resistance network has a very secure, probably networked structure, not unlike Al-Qaeda (which means turnip in Gaelic). That would explain why, to date, there have been no leeks.