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a rare indulgence. 36%
tough on the palate. 9%
a talon of the devil. 36%
i really don't care one way or the other. 18%

Votes: 11

 Alcoholic Beverages.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jun 12, 2002
I am about to start work as a bartender. Though I am not much of a drinker myself, I am curious about the science of drinkmaking.

I was wondering what the cultured readerbase of considers to be the best (i.e., most tasty or most sophisticated) alcoholic beverage one could hope to imbibe. I myself am partial to gin and pomegranate juice, though I do not know whether this drink has much honor in it.


More diaries by anti filidor
Polyurethane Condoms?
It isn't just Mandrake 8.2
more kuro5hin bashing
Windows 2000 and the joys of a healthy computer.
Gentoo Linux
Covert Mold
excellent [REDACTED] post on slashdot.


Although I am considered underage ... (2.50 / 2) (#1)
by Narcissus on Wed Jun 12th, 2002 at 11:01:56 PM PST
I started off with just shots of Vodka but my God that's like drinking Drano from the bottle.

I then took up J.D. and Coke or Dr. Pepper and that was some good shit.

But now that I have started college I have finally "acquired" the elusive taste for beer, except that cheap crap called Keystone Light (un-Bitter beer my ass).

According to the rap artists the most distinguishable alcoholic beverage is Cristal.

If push comes to shove you can always pour up a scotch on the rocks (shaken not stirred of course)

Ok, who picked the flower???

Bartenders pay attention (4.00 / 1) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 03:24:19 AM PST
When somebody orders a straight scotch and asks specifies that it be shaken, mocking is considered justified. Don't ever waste the good spirits on people like that.

Still, it's good to see the American college system is living up to its reputation.

Underage (4.50 / 2) (#20)
by hauntedattics on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 04:02:23 PM PST
Yes, you certainly are underage, as your taste in alcoholic beverages clearly indicates.

How inhumanly crass. (2.00 / 1) (#2)
by tkatchev on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 02:46:57 AM PST
How low do you have to fall to drink acohol for the taste of it?

Peace and much love...

Huh? (5.00 / 1) (#22)
by zikzak on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 10:36:44 PM PST
Aren't you a Russian, one of the people who sip their vodka rather than slamming the shot in order to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible?

Where in hell did you get that notion? (none / 0) (#24)
by tkatchev on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 03:33:34 AM PST
Who told you that?

I should go and kick his ass for sheer stupidity.

Peace and much love...

Everywhere (none / 0) (#28)
by zikzak on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 08:28:10 AM PST
Every high quality American documentary featuring some furry hat-wearing Cossack in a bread line clearly depicts the vodka being consumed in a manner other than slammed. Maybe "sipped" is the wrong word, as it isn't daintily brought to the lips like a hot cup of tea, but however you wish to describe the act, it is readily apparent that the vile swill spends enough time in the mouth for a complete and thorough tasting.

And before you dare criticise our media coverage over here, I'll have you know it is beyond reproach. We even covered the drastic climatic change you experienced a few years back but tried to hide from us.

Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. The archival footage indisputably shows a significant change in Russian weather sometime in the late 80's or early 90's. All film prior to this change depicted consistent grey skies, cold temperatures and frequent percipitation. More recent footage shows ample sunlight and balmy conditions. Obviously your weather changed.

swig (none / 0) (#29)
by topaztic on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 11:34:56 AM PST
not to be confused with swag.

Apparently,... (5.00 / 1) (#25)
by The Mad Scientist on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 04:28:16 AM PST
...compared with the realities of contemporary Russian life, even vodka is enjoyable.

Heh. (none / 0) (#26)
by tkatchev on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 06:16:55 AM PST
It's not working. Maybe you should try jew-baiting next time?

Peace and much love...

Well alcohol drinkers (4.50 / 2) (#4)
by walwyn on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 05:01:08 AM PST
fall into a number of groups in deciding which is the best, mostly though they are choosing it as a fashion statement:
  • The drink with the brightest/oddest colour.
  • The drink with the most extras either floating in it, or on sticks.
  • The drink that is the most expensive.
  • The drink that has the strangest name.
  • The one in the fanciest bottle.
add to this group the real ale and premium export lager drinkers, and your wine buff whose just discovered this 'new world' tipple that "cost a fraction of X but you really can't tell the difference".

Finally you have those that are mainly concerned with the alcohol affect. I used to mix cider and bourbon as this had a maximum affect in the shortest possible time.

booze Mmmmm, (none / 0) (#5)
by Mr Somebody on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 05:47:01 AM PST
do you have Hoegaarten over in the US? That's a fine Corriander infused blonde beer from er, one of the benelux countries I think.
Snakebite & black is/was a popular favourite with brit students, crusties 7 assorted lowlifes! I reproduce the recipie here for you, just in case you ever have to serve the Levellers:
half a pint of lager
half a pint of cider
a splash of blackcurrant
down quickly, followed by several vodka & RedBulls, then it's off down the 80's disco

If we're going for pure chemical effect here... (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by budlite on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 07:21:38 AM PST
TVR. Tequila, vodka and Red Bull.

Unfortunately, the first one I bought after moving to Reading for university cost me 7.30, so I'm staying away from the place I got it now.

Alternatively, if you're one for shots, Absinthe. True, it's probably not "true" absinthe but its alcohol content is still suicidal. I had two in a row, plus a few pints, and I was VERY drunk.

drinktastic (2.00 / 1) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 08:41:56 AM PST
7:30 is pretty pricey, but what a drink! tequila, vodka & redbull - all the main food groups!
I've got a bottle of Absinthe at home too, probably from Asda or somewhere. I tried it neat once, without the sugar... pure turpentine! almost took me head off.

absinthe (3.00 / 1) (#12)
by anti filidor on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 10:46:36 AM PST
I have tried some home-brewed absinthe a few times, and it was so foul tasting that I was barely able to drink enough to feel much effect.

What was frigtening was that I experienced any effects at all, given the tiny portion I was able to swallow.

Absinthe makes your brain rot. (2.00 / 1) (#14)
by tkatchev on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 12:44:48 PM PST
I'm totally serious -- there's some sort of very toxic psychedelic chemical present in absinthe. Even though it's considered to be an alcoholic "beverage", in reality, absinthe is a dangerous narcotic substance.

Luckily, though, the stuff that is sold as "absinthe" nowadays is a clever fake -- it takes like the real stuff, but doesn't actually contain any brain-rotting wormwood extract.

Peace and much love...

You mean they took out the ALCOHOL? (1.00 / 1) (#17)
by Narcissus on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 02:21:15 PM PST

Ok, who picked the flower???

It's called thujone, (4.00 / 1) (#27)
by derek3000 on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 06:43:23 AM PST
and research has shown it to be a cannibanoid. It's in wormwood, and there used to be something like 300 mg in a bottle back then. Now it's more like 50-90.

If my units are ridiculous, please correct me. Americans are notoriously bad with measurements. And geography. And literacy...

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

thujone (none / 0) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 02:12:54 PM PST
You hear stuff like this all the time, but it's hard to tell how true it is. By all the accounts that I've read, there isn't nearly enough thujone in absinthe (in its former state or in its modern state) to have any profound psychoactivity.

More likely the brain-rotting capacities of absinthe are due to its being nearly 80% alcohol by volume. The rest is just a lot of hearsay.

Mead. (4.00 / 1) (#6)
by The Mad Scientist on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 05:50:59 AM PST
If it was good enough for the druids, it can't be bad.

Best when hot and drunk from a horn. Who hadn't tried won't believe.

Hadn't picked you as the renaissance fair type. (3.00 / 1) (#18)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 03:39:20 PM PST

I prefer beer, wine or mead (4.50 / 2) (#7)
by Adam Rightmann on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 06:24:39 AM PST
just a simple drink made with God's yeaties. If concentrating that poison via distillation isn't a sin, it should be,

A. Rightmann

Cranberry and Southern Comfort (3.50 / 2) (#9)
by derek3000 on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 07:51:44 AM PST
is a very tasty drink that will do the trick. Someone passed the recipe on to me, I made it for a few friends, and now everybody loves them. Plus, the cranberry is good for your prostate!

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

mint julep (4.00 / 1) (#11)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 10:01:49 AM PST
It is said that you can tell a true Kentuckian by the mint sprigs growing from his final resting place.

Yes (3.00 / 1) (#13)
by Icebox on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 11:24:00 AM PST
But you should only defile the taste of good bourbon during horse racing season. Indeed, your first mint julep of the year shouldn't be made until Derby day.

I suggest Woodford Reserve from the Labrot & Graham distillery. There is a gigantic horse farm just across the road from them, they use copper pots, and the guy who gave tours last time I was there had a wad of tobacco the size of my fist in his jaw. Also, their bourbon tastes as fine as any.

Chatham Artillery Punch (4.00 / 1) (#15)
by First Incision on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 02:13:14 PM PST
Chatham Artillery Punch is the preferred drink of a true Southern Gentleman.

1-1/2 gallons Catawba (a native North American grape, for you Eurotrash)
1/2 gallon rum
1-1/2 quarts gin
1-1/2 quarts brandy
1-1/2 quarts Rye whiskey
1-1/2 gallons strong tea
2-1/2 pounds brown sugar
1/2 pint Benedictine
Juice from 18 oranges
Juice from 18 lemons
1 bottle Maraschino cherries

You could reduce the portions, but then you would be little more than a poseur. But obviously, this is something to be saved for large feasts like shotgun weddings, church revivals, and debutante balls. It's not really a drink for casual saturday-night clubbing.
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Oops! (3.50 / 2) (#16)
by First Incision on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 02:16:26 PM PST
In my cutting and pasting, I forgot the last part!

"Make stock with above from 36-48 hours before time for using. Just prior to serving, add 1 case of champagne."
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Do you... (3.50 / 2) (#19)
by hauntedattics on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 04:00:54 PM PST
mix it in a new garbage can bought for the occasion, throw all the fruit in at the bottom and stir the concoction with an old sneaker?

Choosing wines (5.00 / 6) (#21)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 06:57:25 PM PST
Like most young men, I consider wine to be the drink of the middle-aged failure, or the pretentious pseudo-intellectuel, who uses his supposedly superior taste in alchohol to compensate for his lack of achievements in the realm of hacking. Of course, a passing knowledge of wines, and how to use them is useful for a young man, for the simple fact that young women are not easily impressed by beer or bourbon.

Consider the following situation: A young lady of your acquaintance has invited you to join her at her dorm room for an intimate dinner for two. Obviously this will involve trying to remember how to handle cutlery in the dim glow of too many overpriced candles at a borrowed poker table in the same room as her bed. This is about as romantic as things will ever get for you, so you'd better pull out the big guns. But which flavour to bring? Red or white?

Real wine aficionados know that wine should be chosen to complement a dinner. Young women know that real wine aficionados know this. But you know that young women couldn't tell the difference between spumante and bordeaux, much less decide which would go best with chicken. Simply asking her what she's cooking would spoil the gruesome surprise, however. It's best to ask her opinion on what you should bring:

You: What wine do you think I should bring? Red or white?
Her: Ummmmmmm...I don't know. I'm making tacos. What do you think?

It's important at this point to remember that tequila is not a wine. What little I know of the Spanish leads me to believe that red is the preferred flavour on the peninsula, and since Mexicans are a sort of Spanish, it's safe to assume that all their food goes with red wine. It's safe because you have absolutely no chance of being questioned.

At the wine shop, you will be faced with as many as fifty different wines, which may leave you bewildered and slightly nervous. Don't worry. Literally any wine you pick will be as acceptable as any other. The best technique is to lunge blindly at the nearest shelf of domestic non-vintage reds and hope for the best. If you pull out a merlot, just try again.

Once you have found a wine that is neither too cheap nor too expensive, practise saying the name a few times. If you can convince yourself that you know how to pronounce it, buy it. Don't forget to scratch off the price tag afterwards.

Before visiting the young lady's dorm room, read the back of the wine bottle. This will say complimentary things about the wine inside, which should help you feel more confident that you have made a shrewd and sophisticated choice. This will make it easier, when she greets you at her door, to produce the wine from its brown paper bag and flourish it in the young lady's face as if you had travelled to the French Riviera to find the exact vintage Chateau Cré'tin-Wánkêre that would make the evening perfect.

With any luck, she'll be eager to participate in the charade, and will pretend that she thinks you made a spectacular choice. Try not to giggle when she comments on the wine during dinner. Or do. It doesn't really matter, as you'll realise towards the end of the evening, when the wine has run out and there appears to be no possibility of her taking her clothes off.

It is at this point that you will realise that the night would have been much more enjoyable for both of you if you'd had the sense to bring a six-pack of strong beer and a video with Brad Pitt on it. Honestly, who brings wine to a shabby dorm room to impress a middle-class skank over tacos? What are you trying to prove? Why do you always have to be such a wanker? Why? You know all your friends are laughing at you. You know what it is? You're scared of girls. You're so scared that she won't like you enough to sleep with you that you feel you have to hide behind stupid little stunts with wine. Have you been laid once since you came to college? I bet you haven't. You know what? I bet you're still a virgin. Look at you, you're trembling like a sissy. Did you even try to make a pass at her? Go on, touch her. She won't bite. She probably wants it. Go on. She's right there, just stick your hand down her blouse, she's not the bloody princess of Luxembourg.

So true... (none / 0) (#31)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 03:41:35 PM PST
That my friend, is one of the funniest and frankly true things I have read on this website...

Your emotional baggage... (2.00 / 1) (#32)
by hauntedattics on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 06:09:38 PM PST
does not appear to fit in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. Perhaps you would like to talk about your mother?

Whatever do you mean? (4.00 / 1) (#33)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jun 14th, 2002 at 07:01:10 PM PST
I'm totally normal. I like people. Whatever insights you've gained into my psyche from this idle spot of attempted humour are entirely false. I'm certainly not carrying any leftover angst from experiences I had in college. That would just be, well, maladjusted. I've never even met anyone like that.

Apologies. (none / 0) (#41)
by hauntedattics on Mon Jun 17th, 2002 at 09:48:37 AM PST
I was just teasing, which apparently didn't come across very well. It was a reaction to the amazing detail you put into your story. I felt like you must have had experiences like that to write about it. But, obviously not!

Of course not (none / 0) (#42)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 17th, 2002 at 05:10:49 PM PST
For one thing, I took white wine to the taco dinner, and she didn't have a table.

How sad (none / 0) (#23)
by zikzak on Thu Jun 13th, 2002 at 10:58:04 PM PST
You must be an American, as your diary radiates a stench of our countrymen's most distressing defect.

Your post implies that in order for an alcoholic beverage to be "good" it must be some complex creation full of exotic ingredients of equally exotic origin. In fact, the finest things one may consume are those which need no further adulteration in order to be palatable.

As an example, let us consider the beverage coffee. For the past 5 years or so "quality coffee", according to the average schmuck on the street, means taking an acrid, bitter brew of burnt robusto and loading it down with frothed milk, syrup, and other crap. This is the quintessential American delicacy - a shit base full of more shit and topped with shit. You might as well eat a candy bar. (Hint: Real coffee, roasted and brewed correctly, needs abolutely nothing added to it - not even milk or sugar - as it is in and of itself a bit of pure bliss.)

So to answer your question, I suggest you try a nice, refreshing glass of Citadelle gin, a spirit that requires no pollution in order to be consumed enjoyably. If you are a pansy-ass wimp who can't handle straight gin, it is permissable to add a splash of tonic water (and only a splash!) and a wedge of fresh lime, but if you are dedicated to the cause of being an alcoholic you will soon find these additives to be not only unnecessary, but most undesirable as well.

the upstart Buonaparte had a point ... (none / 0) (#34)
by jsm on Sat Jun 15th, 2002 at 02:45:00 PM PST
Beer is a drink for boys, wine for men, but he who would aspire to be a hero must drink brandy.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the editors
... now also Legal department and general counsel,

Manhattan Perfect (none / 0) (#35)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jun 15th, 2002 at 05:54:00 PM PST
Refreshing and delicious!

.25 oz extra dry vemouth
.25 oz red sweet vermouth
1.5 oz Canadian whiskey
(do NOT use bourbon, scotch, or Crown Royal)
2 drops Angostura bitters

Mix over ice and strain into chilled martini glass, add cocktail cherry

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sputnik and Microsoft (none / 0) (#36)
by The Mad Scientist on Sat Jun 15th, 2002 at 06:12:13 PM PST
Recipe for Sputnik:
1. Take a tall glass, known in Russian as a stakan.
2. Fill it halfway with water.
3. Fill the rest of the glass with vodka.
4. Mix.
5. Drink half of the glass.
6. Repeat the steps 3-5 until you will hear "Beep, beep, beep" inside your head.

Another drink is known as "Microsoft".
Composition: 90% cola, 10% vodka.
Properties: Lots of color and fizz, low potency.

"Stakan"... (none / 0) (#37)
by tkatchev on Sat Jun 15th, 2002 at 11:38:42 PM PST not a tall glass, it's a glass that holds 200 grams of water. (250 is also OK, but non-standart.)

Roughly, that's about as much as an aluminium can.

Peace and much love...

Ever tried Linux? (none / 0) (#38)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jun 16th, 2002 at 02:02:36 PM PST
Go grab some of the rubbing alcohol out of your medicine chest, and proceed to pour it down your throat.

Rubbing alcohol... (none / 0) (#39)
by The Mad Scientist on Sun Jun 16th, 2002 at 05:39:52 PM PST
...has usually a little of gasoline in it, in order to make it less drinkable. So called "denaturating". (The other methods of denaturating involved addition of ie. pyridine, but the most hardcore drinkers drink it anyway, so the local laws say that the denaturating substances have to not be really toxic. Hence the aliphatic hydrocarbons.)

However, what was done can be undone. There is several ways to do so.

The lemon-milk way. Milk contains fat and proteins. You mix milk with denaturated alcohol. The gasoline will soak into the fat emulsion, as you will let it stay overnight. Then you add lemon juice, the milk will coagulate and take the fat to the sediment. You either decant or filter the mixture, you get a diluted alcohol mixed with lemon juice. A lemon vodka of sort.

The evaporation way. The gasoline was selected as addition because it is not easy to separate the mix by distillation. However, the vapor partial pressure of lower hydrocarbons in room temperature is higher than the vapor partial pressure of ethanol. You take a source of pressurized air (if in an academy lab, you usually have pressurized air ducts there, in home settings you can use the small compressor for aerating of aquariums), something that makes tiny bubbles (ie, those porous glass boards), and let the air bubble through the denaturated alcohol for few dozens hours. When the alcohol doesn't smell after gasoline anymore, you either decide it's clean, or run it through the final stage - distillation. Where I was, there was a two-meter high distillation column filled with glass, and we checked the product purity by gas chromatography, but it was maybe a bit of overkill. Though we had the best drinks from all the Institute. (The rest of the process was diluting the alcohol with some good water, and adding a selected essence - usually some herbal extract, or a drop of 30% hydrogen peroxide and a drop of glycerine (if I remember the recipe for "Finlandia vodka" correctly), or something similar.)

There are more methods, but I can't remember any other at this moment. It's some time from when I was in active service...

Aberlour... (none / 0) (#40)
by John Wainright on Mon Jun 17th, 2002 at 05:09:40 AM PST
over rocks if less than 18 years old.


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