How to Smash Global Industrial Capitalism Without Leaving Your Bar-Stool

Here is what you need to do:

Grin and ignore it.

Global Industrial Capitalism can't stand being ignored. And it absolutely hates being ignored by a smiling person. You may need to practice both parts of this strategy. Many people who have trouble with Global Industrial Capitalism also have a hard time smiling. A little practice with a mirror will be sufficient for some; see how good you look when you're smiling? Damn! Now Global Industrial Capitalism is being ignored by a sexy person. It will be positively livid, I tell you! Others may need a bit of help, so go sneak into a showing of Monsters, Inc or Amélie. If you don't want to sneak in, try to wheedle a ticket out of an usher, or mooch off of a wealthier friend. It is important that you not pay for the film, because this is the other prong of the strategy; this is the active ignoring of Global Industrial Capitalism.

There are thousands of ways to ignore Global Industrial Capitalism. Try starting small; skip a credit card payment, pay your rent a few days late, or steal a newspaper. Now have a look at yourself. Are you feeling guilty for stealing that newspaper? Stop it. This is exactly what Global Industrial Capitalism wants. It also wants you to worry about your credit rating and possible eviction notices. Cut it out. You don't need to worry about those things. What are you going to do with your credit rating, after all? Buy a shiny new car? You don't need a new car, damn it. Look in the mirror again. See that smile? Happy, sexy people don't need shiny new cars. If your old car breaks, you can be happy without one. Happy people can be happy on the bus, or on a bicycle, or on foot. The added exercise will help keep you happy and sexy. Now stop worrying about eviction. You can sleep on your friend's couch for a while, and then find another apartment. Or you can just live in a tent for a while. Your friends or parents will hold on to your stuff for the summer.

Now, you don't actually have to go and get yourself evicted or default on your debt. What you do need to do is realize that it doesn't really matter much if these things happen. You'll be fine. People will take care of you, and there is plenty of exciting life to be had outside of your current routine. However.

You may need to closely examine your current routine, and ferret out any part of it that is contributing to your difficulties with Global Industrial Capitalism. Is your job a big part of your identity? Trouble! Start slacking off at work immediately. Stop investing your sense of self-worth in the sort of drudgery that keeps Global Industrial Capitalism smug and satisfied. This may be difficult. You might be afraid of being fired for slacking off. This, of course, is exactly what Global Industrial Capitalism wants you to feel. Get over it. You can find another job. In fact, a change of career might be just the ticket to establishing a sense of identity entirely independent of your profession. Don't worry about ending up with a crappier job than the one you have now. After all, you might just as easily wind up doing much more rewarding work. And if the next job is unpleasant, then it will be that much easier to slack off. Let's face it: apart from a few people who dig trenches or monitor nuclear reactors, the entire "economy" is just a game, a whimsical shuffling of social position, a ploy for attention on the part of Global Industrial Capitalism. Take stuff from work. Show up late to meetings. Loiter. Start coming in at ten and leaving at four thirty. Take an hour and a half for lunch. Smile! It's only a job. You could get a couple more tomorrow if you had to.

Now you may be afraid that ignoring Global Industrial Capitalism might impair your ability to procure a spouse or potential spouse, and this particular fear is Global Industrial Capitalism's favorite thing in the whole world. Remember: Grin. Grinning is sexy, and grinning is anathema to Global Industrial Capitalism.

Now. It is time to act.

Go to your local Clean, Healthy Tavern. Sit down at the bar. Order a drink. Grin. Talk to the person next to you about the New York Yankees, Manchester United, or your cat. Make jokes about Marxists, or talk about rocks. Talk about anything at all, as long as you keep grinning. Notice how people grin back? They don't really care what you're talking about, but neither do you. You are grinning at each other like loons only because grinning is self-reinforcing, just like Depression. Unlike Depression, grinning is also contagious. It is part of the way your monkey-brain is wired up. You can't help it. Go to your Clean, Healthy Tavern every night. Keep talking to strangers until they become acquaintances. When several people greet you by name and grin as you enter and sit down at the bar, you are ready to deliver the fatal blow. Go in one night without any money. Explain to everyone that you have forgotten your wallet, or are flat broke until payday. Grin. People will buy you drinks. The bartender will give you drinks. You will go home drunk and happy, perhaps with a grinning potential spouse.

You have done it. You have defeated Global Industrial Capitalism, without leaving your bar-stool.

	Sorry this won't work in London (none / 0) (#2)
	by nobbystyles on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 07:21:04 AM PST

	If you start grinning to yourself in a public place like a bar or a pub, people will think you're mad and they will think you are completely bonkers if you then try and strike up a conversation with them. Someone will then call the guys in the white coats and then you will be plotting the downfall of global capitalism in a strait jacket while under the influence of heavy anti-psychotics...

	So? (none / 0) (#9)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 04:34:32 PM PST

	And why is this a bad thing?

	Excellent, Nobby! (none / 0) (#10)
	by RobotSlave on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 04:46:03 PM PST

	It's a bit of an advanced technique, but getting yourself comitted to a mental institution is a fantastic way to ignore Global Industrial Capitalism. Just imagine it. There you are, rolling around on the floor in drug-induced ecstasy, and all Global Industrial Capitalism can do is stand there in its apron and make porridge for you. Perfect! © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Yes I agree (none / 0) (#14)
	by nobbystyles on Fri Nov 30th, 2001 at 05:19:59 AM PST

	Get one over 'the man' by getting incacerated in a loony bin. There the only thing you will be consuming is cheap 'happy' pills rather than evil Nike trainers, Star Bucks cappuccinos and MS X boxes.

	i'd rather give my $ to starbucks. (none / 0) (#15)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 30th, 2001 at 10:21:01 AM PST

	Are you familiar with the multinational pharmaceutical companies that make those happy little pills? They have unassuming names like roche, pfizer, novartis bristolmyersquidcakes j&j merck smithglaxowellcomeklinebeecham etc. and they have slick logos that you probably wouldn't recognize. You can't tell me these fsckers who are making their noble shareholders bazillions offa prolonging your miserable life with an expensive cocktail of well marketed chemicals are somehow more noble than your other sweatshoppin or coffeeslingin' brands you rail against. Both nike and suckbucks are small companies when you start lookin at the scale and reach of the above evilcorps (tm). think about this next time you eat your zoloft kids.

	shifting the balance of the economy... (none / 0) (#23)
	by Nsxxs on Fri Dec 7th, 2001 at 02:51:53 AM PST

	Capitalism thrives on people working. It hates nothing more than when you do nothing... except when you do less than that - ie you are living off it and not putting anything back in (sounds a lot like Capitalism...). The drug companies will become richer in the short-term, but the economy as a whole becomes poorer. If, by an arbitrary date, we take this to the extent that 99% of the population might be living off the state in this way, the only income for the pharmaceuticals will be from the government which will have got it's money from taxing them. since there are costs involved in producing the goods, and the goverment needs to keep some of its tax income for itself, this loop will involve smaller and smaller amounts of money until nothing at all in a very short time. the drugs companies will shut down US operations and concentrate on abroad. this will gently lead to the majority of the population having no money (or drugs anymore) and living in a money-free ('poor') environment :) we would have to teach our children of capitalism to make sure they don't fall into the trap of working for multinational factories being built in America, when instead we can be self-supporting and happy. we won't get 99% of the population to do this, but every person who does delivers a strong blow to capitalism.

	Cool. (none / 0) (#3)
	by tkatchev on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 08:25:12 AM PST

	Brilliant. You just condensed the story of my life in this little article. I agree 100% with everything you said. -- Peace and much love...

	P.S. (none / 0) (#4)
	by tkatchev on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 08:30:00 AM PST

	One little addition -- I recommend you stop watching TV. I haven't watched "the box" for over six months now, and I've been grinning more than ever. :) If you really get bored, or start experiencing TV withdrawal syndrome, start pirating video tapes and videogames. Besides, if you watch only video, you won't be bothered by annoying commercials. You'll end up healthier and happier in the end. -- Peace and much love...

	The Hydra (none / 0) (#19)
	by MessiahWWKD on Sat Dec 1st, 2001 at 07:07:05 PM PST

	Maybe I'm a genius, but why do people who act high and mighty about not watching television suggest the use of video games and videos? As anybody with a brain would know, they come from the same source. They have the same damn subliminable messages in them. Guardian angel, heavenly friend, walk with me 'til the journey's end.

	Simple. (none / 0) (#20)
	by tkatchev on Sun Dec 2nd, 2001 at 02:44:49 AM PST

	The key is to use pirated videogames. It's highly important that you do not pay for the videogame! The subliminal message bit I'm currently ignoring, since I assume most of you are smart enough to catch on when you see propaganda. It's very hard to pirate TV shows, (impossible, in fact) so there's no way to hurt global industrial capitalism by watching TV. -- Peace and much love...

	You should mention hippy-wannabees (none / 0) (#5)
	by typical geek on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 08:43:25 AM PST

	Such young folk, so eager to be seen as kind, happy, sharing hippies, are very easy to guilt into giving you money, drugs, food, sex and girlfriends. In the past one could make a decent living free of Global Industrial Capitalism by begging in the parking lots of Grateful Dead and Phish concerts. I suggest the following lines if you are at hippy gathering place: splash of your beer? be kind, got change? change, bro? gcc is to software freedom as guns are to personal freedom.

	This seems deceptively simple (1.00 / 1) (#6)
	by because it isnt on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 11:39:13 AM PST

	Your thesis on bringing about the downfall of capitalism itself? Can it really be so easy? Stop using capitalism Use something else Don't Worry Be Happy It just seems so, well, far fetched. But it sounds very promising. Imagine if one person wanted to sell his house, and another person wanted to buy it. What would happen if they just dealt with each other? Estate agents all over the world would be up in arms! Or what if you cut your finger but didn't go to a licensed medical practicioner but just bandaged it yourself? The possibilities are endless. I'm all for this new world order, and I'm ready for it to fall into my lap - although, preferably, I'd like my government to do it for me. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	Whoups. (none / 0) (#7)
	by tkatchev on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 02:16:07 PM PST

	The poster of the story said Global Industrial Capitalism, not simply "capitalism". Simply "capitalism" is mom-n-pop stores down the street; nobody in their right mind rail against poor folks just working to earn their bread. "Global Industrial Capitalism", however, is state capitalism extended to overgrown trans-national proportions. Imagine that Chairman Mao controlled the vast majority of the world's economy; that is what we're talking about; "Global Industrial Capitalism" is capitalism only in name. A clever trick, but adequate people will see the difference anyways. -- Peace and much love...

	The Revolution Will Not Be Televised (none / 0) (#11)
	by Inden on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 08:46:06 PM PST

	Kill your television by ignoring it. It did take me very very many years to kill my television though I used to be completely addicted to the tube for years - my whole adolescence was sucked up in prime time it seems. My father was one of the engineers who made the first red phosphor dots stick to the tube of the first commercial television in the very early 1950's. Television is part of my family history and patrimony in that sense. The telly is although worth using to watch the movie "Fight Club" which is related to this theme. The wave of the future in this sense is exactly a rediscovery of one on one human interaction as you put it so well. The best dramas are the dramas we ourselves create by being a part of them. There is so much more entertainment in just paying really close attention to what other people are telling you about themselves in the real world. Blah f-ing blah listen to my prattle!

	No (none / 0) (#8)
	by Right Hand Man on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 03:01:41 PM PST

	I have no idea why any decent person would want to see the downfall of Global Industrial Capitalism, it is the very lifeblood of freedom. Admittedly, I have a problem with the globalicity of it, not because it might infringe on some the sanctity of some untouched eastern isolationist culture, but because it might make those eastern isolationists think that they have some influence over the US economy. Regardless, this article is slightly innaccurate because an American Icon of Capitalism loves to see us smile, or grin if you want to use that word. We Capitalists absolutely love to see people smile. Contrary to Socialism, Captalism is all about allowing the individual to determine his own worth and keeping him out from under the oppressive boot of government. ------------------------- "Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

	you know what's sad? (none / 0) (#13)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 30th, 2001 at 05:13:12 AM PST

	Gil Scott Heron today is a broken, crack addict. Sigh Women and drugs will just drain the revolution right out of a man.

	That is sad to hear (none / 0) (#21)
	by lowapproach on Sun Dec 2nd, 2001 at 06:20:24 AM PST

	It doesn't mean that "The Bottle" isn't a great song, though.

	THAT WAS VERY FOOLISH, Adequacy editors!!! (5.00 / 1) (#12)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 29th, 2001 at 10:23:46 PM PST

	We here at the heart of the military-industrial complex are VERY UPSET. Have you not been paying attention? Did I not SPECIFICALLY drop a hint so unsubtle that a senile orangutan would not have missed it, stating that anti-American subversive stories of this nature WERE NOT TO BE POSTED?! Global Capitalism is a VERY fussy and sensitive system! It HATES to be ignored! Snub it, and it becomes volatile, resorting to all manner of outrageous behavior to gain attention! Who knows what sort of horrors may have been unleashed (the return of parachute pants? Another celebrity chef sitcom?) by your casual flaunting of this sort of dangerous idea!!! The retribution of the military-industrial complex is harsh and swift! This, the most controversial site on the internet, survived our last massive DoS attack only by a bizzare stroke of luck. YOU WILL NOT BE SO FORTUNATE NEXT TIME! If this IMPUDENCE does not cease IMMEDIATELY (and you can start by removing the above story, NOW), you will soon find yourselves laughing out the other sides of those wee, pointed protuberances you refer to as your heads! THAT IS ALL. `It seems a tratorious insider fed us some false information, and we ended up wiping out a miniscule, totally harmless website called Kuro5in.org. Luckily, the individuals behind that site proved quite malleable our customary threats-n-bribery process, and agreed to cover up the whole embarrassing incident under the guise of a "problem with the CPUs". You would do well to be as cooperative as they.`

	I'll have Voluntary Simplicity on the rocks (none / 0) (#16)
	by chloedancer on Sat Dec 1st, 2001 at 07:22:37 AM PST

	with a Mooch twist, please... I'm just more than a little surprised the "dirty hippy" haters haven't jumped all over this by now... Perhaps it's the stylish approach and the recommended consumption of alcoholic beverages that's kept them at bay? Global Industrial Capitalism loathes Voluntary Simplicity. Henry David Thoreau, often thought of as the "founder" of Voluntary Simplicity, said it best: "Most of the luxuries, and many of the so-called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but are positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have even lived a more simple and meagre life than the poor." In your strategy, the wise seem to achieve this by honing their ability to cadge drinks -- it's an elegant approach. Another powerful weapon against the GIC is living debt-free. Even if you achieve the state of grinning bliss, GIC still has the last laugh if you're carrying credit card debt (I owe, I owe -- It's off to work I go...). Some folks even advocate that its our love affair with machines that has enslaved us into the service of GIC, to wit: "It surprises me how many graduates leave college assuming they know what matters because they got straight 'A's. If we can believe advertisements, what matters to these people most is the personal ownership of machinery: blending machines, cooking machines, driving machines, picture machines, sound machines, tooth-brushing machines, computing machines, machines to kill insects, deliver intimacy, send messages through wires or the naked air, entertainment machines, shooting machines, and many more mechanical extensions of our physical self. Indirect control over even more ambitious machine seems to matter a lot, too: flying machines, bombing machines, heart and lung machines, voting machines, and a great variety of other mechanical creations. "All these devices are meant to defeat what otherwise would occur naturally if they didn't exist. They are all machines to beat human destiny and confer on human beings magical powers and the reach and longevity of gods. "Do they deliver what they promise? Is human life in a net sense better since their advent? I can't answer that for you, of course, but you can look into your heart and answer the question for yourself. Someone has apparently convinced us that what occurs naturally cannot be the way to a good life, hence these battalions of machinery. What percentage of your life is spent talking to machines? Buying them, mastering them, ministering to their needs, then betraying them with ever newer and newer machine loves?" In a follow-up article, the author reaffirms with greater specificity the connection between the global economy and the machines we use: "It's easy to see how a global economy would matter to the spirit of mass-production machinery or to international banking, with all the urgencies of those twin mechanisms. But it's not clear what the point of it is for flesh and blood. "What if you forgot all about the globe and concentrated instead on finding a place where you could feel at home for the rest of your life? What if you shaped your own work so that it served your spirit and the spirits of your loved ones, friends and neighbors? In 1776 a full 90 percent of Americans not in slavery shaped their own work. They had independent livelihoods. And in 1840, despite the rise of industrialization, the figure was still 80 percent. It was hard then for any man to get rich on the labours of others because there wasn't much free-floating labour to be had; people worked for themselves. That -- liberty and independence, not wealth or comfort -- was the American miracle. "You know, machines can be stored anywhere, can function anywhere, and are indifferent to other machines they must associate with. But men and women have to build the meanings of their lives around a few -- a very few -- people to touch and love and care for. If you're always getting rid of people, trading them off the way you've been taught to trade off things, you can't have much of a life. And if you fail in this vital endeavor of linking up with the right people for you, it doesn't matter at all how healthy the space program is or how many machines you own. You'll still be lonely in the middle of crowds." It would seem, therefore, that in addition to turning off the idiot box, turning off one's PC would also pose a threat to Global Industrial Capitalism's omnipresence and dominance... It's a seductive thought.

	Be careful, Chloe! (none / 0) (#17)
	by RobotSlave on Sat Dec 1st, 2001 at 12:14:05 PM PST

	You risk turning Global Industrial Capitalism into your father-totem, and giving it strength through your hatred, rather than just ignoring it. The problem with the Neo-Puritan suburban "movement" that you call Voluntary Simplicity is that its proponents are so insufferably self-righteous. They rank right up there with people who don't watch or own a television, and want you to be very aware of the fact. Television is fun. Sitting on your sofa all day, watching television and drinking instead of going somewhere in your shiny new car and "working," can make Global Industrial Capitalism very nervous. Best of all, television is the best opportunity you have to laugh at Global Industrial Captialism, as it compulsively airs its anxieties in the little vignettes known as "commercials" or "advertisments." Devout neo-puritan practitioners of "Voluntary Simplicity" are functionally equivalent to Freedom Soft-Ware zealots. These people are largely reactionary, self-hating bigots who deny themselves an easier and more pleasant way of life, and then get bitter and, paradoxically, self-congratulatory when normal people reject their painfully narrow world views, and then they blame everything on the father-totem (all due credit to elenchos, by the by). The unclean people known as "hippies," in the course of destroying their remaining brain cells, at least break away from this sort of mindset from time to time through the ritual abuse of hallucinogens, but then they go and get all self-righteous about their drug abuse and unkempt hair. Conversely, there's nothing self-righteous about a drunk trying to wheedle a free drink. The drunk is pretty pathetic, and the drunk knows it. But the drunk is happy, and the drunk is ignoring Global Industrial Capitalism. Same effect as the Voluntary Simplicity, you see, but much better company. The cry for debt-free living is another red herring. Global Industrial Capitalism wants you to want to live debt free, to sweat and frown and slave away to pay off that last, stubborn bit of debt. If you ignore the fear that Global Industrial Capitalism wants you to feel, you can have an absolute blast by building up a debt, and then you can pile on more and more until you die or someone declares you bankrupt (at which point you can just start building up more debt). Debt is good. Love your debt. Brag about it, even, if you like. Now then. If you really think Voluntary Simplicity is the way to go, then I suggest you start looking into subsistence farming. If you don't have the bling-bling for forty acres and a beast of burden, or if you don't have a spouse with whom you can build a large labor pool, then there are lots of subsistence-farming communities out there upon whose collective mercy you might throw yourself. There might be a bit of Religion or Indefensible Philosophical Claptrap to be swallowed in exchange, and you may be expected to contribute to the labor pool, but if you just keep your eyes on the prize, then everything should work out fine. But. Don't think Global Industrial Capitalism will give a damn. Global Industrial Capitalism is pretty good at just ignoring subsistence farmers, and carrying on with its Oppression of the Proletariat and the like, as if the subsistence farmers didn't exist at all. © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Careful, me? (none / 0) (#18)
	by chloedancer on Sat Dec 1st, 2001 at 03:26:37 PM PST

	What an awful, restrictive thought... I'd prefer my epitaph to read as such: "Here was a great woman; a magnificent, generous, gallant, reckless, fated fool of a woman. There was never a place for her in the ranks of the terrible, slow army of the cautious. She ran ahead, where there were no paths." (Dorothy Parker, writing about Isadora Duncan) Be that as it may, I would suggest that there's a vast world of difference between the Gap-clad Yuppie fucks who evangelize Voluntary Simplicity from a pedestal of smugness and those who aspire instead to emulate Thoreau. I have little doubt that Thoreau would have admired your advocacy of a "drunk trying to wheedle a free drink" as wholly in keeping with the notion of surviving by one's wits. And perhaps he'd even consider the action as a form of barter which would defeat Global Industrial Capitalism simply by the fact that there's often little of value in mere conversation which can serve to add to its corpulence. Subsistence farming? Not my cuppa joe, really. Emulating the gypsy lifestyle of my ancestors would be a more plausible means of defeating Global Industrial Capitalism and would, dare I say it, turn your theoretical "drunk" into a full-blown existence without the restrictions of a limited context. Me, I just want the last check I write to bounce. Perhaps that's not as dramatic as what you propose, but it's enough.

	Ooh... (none / 0) (#22)
	by hauntedattics on Tue Dec 4th, 2001 at 07:22:16 AM PST

	As a former dancer (and Balanchine acolyte), don't get me started about Isadora Duncan. She was, however, everything that Dorothy Parker ascribed to her, and probably more. I'd like to propose another, possibly more subtle, way of subverting GIC. We should all buy stuff that we need and enjoy, but fix that stuff when some part of it breaks or needs replacing. Rather than throwing away those work boots, have them re-soled. This drives the GIC crazy, because they spend billions of dollars (pounds/yen/DM/etc.) per year on advertising hysterically trying to get us to buy new stuff because somehow old stuff is faulty, or can't do what the new stuff can, or is just "not cool" anymore. And, as a bonus, you can drink while you're re-soling your boots or fixing your TV - they tend to frown on that in malls and department stores. As far as emulating Thoreau, though, I think I have to pass. Whenever he got hungry out there in the woods at Walden, he just swung over to Mom's house in Concord to get some food. Since my mother lives 500 miles away, it just ain't that easy to mooch off her anymore.