A car crash. Every episode of CHiPs begins and and ends with a car crash. These are the fine moments of Americana that are brought to you by TBS each and every morning, and all you need to appreciate these fine moments of televised bliss are a cable connection and alcohol.

Erik Estrada is a star of the sort that current network fare ignores. Or not. I really wouldn't know, because I bought my first TV less than a month ago and I really have no idea what happens during Prime Time these days.

I do know that booze are involved, and that the time period from 1:00 to 3:00 AM consisted of Doctor Detroit. I also know that I should have gone to bed over an hour ago, but these are the benefits of not having any sort of stable emplyment: You are allowed to indulge in the most god-awful lifestyle choices available - you can stay up late drinking and watching TBS.

There are 1-800 numbers that will allow me to learn more about cancer. I can order the best Christian music ever recorded. Amy Grant serenades me while I drink myself into a stupor, mesmerized by way audio-visual content from 15 years ago managed to subside whilst being totally devoid of plot.

This could be heaven. It is heaven, as long as liquor is involved. Television, a laptop, nowhere to be in the morning and a fundamental boredom that radiates from the very core of my being.

As long as there are car crashes I do not feel that my life is lacking anything. Ponch and Jon shall deliver me from mundanity.