Getting My Way

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I like the Canadian response to loss of the gold medal: moan, whine and whinge. Spit the pacifier out and bawl until you get what you want. This is the behavior that has gotten me where I am today, after all.

As in Olympic Figure Skating, purity of motive is not a constant. The tactics that work well in sports, commute easily to the world of business. A customer I supply tried to put the arm on me the the other day for a kickback. I asked him to give me a while to sharpen my pencil and run the numbers and I'd get back to him. He left the office and I gave his skanky ass a five minute headstart before faxing a note to him at his downtown office:

I am considering your suggestion of the payment of 10% of the value of the contract to your account as a method of guaranteeing awardal to us. Please advise if this should be reported as additional discount or exactly what mechanism you had in mind. Also, please confirm your personal bank account number as discussed.

--Your Friend, Frank Howard

He called the next morning in a panic, the fax had been all over the office and was stuck to the bulletin board. Actions have consequences, dude. I love a good dirty spit fight. How about you?

More diaries by Orinoco

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	Dear Moron who actively seeks to lose customers (none / 0) (#1)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Feb 16th, 2002 at 02:06:31 PM PST

	Welcome to the real world.

	Why should he care? (none / 0) (#2)
	by tkatchev on Sat Feb 16th, 2002 at 02:17:58 PM PST

	It's not like it's his own business, anyways. All this is just deception the Man uses to keep you down. -- Peace and much love...

	More mangling of our beloved English (none / 0) (#3)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Feb 16th, 2002 at 08:06:58 PM PST

	I too disapprove of the use of extra-contractual payments to gain contracts. However, I must strenuously object to your nonce word, "awardal". I realise you yanks play fast and loose with your version of English, but there is a limit. Such an egregious abuse of our mother tongue confers disrepute on all her family throughout the world. "Award" is entirely adequate in this context, and there is no such word as "awardal". Bruce

	Department of Reduncancy Department (none / 0) (#4)
	by Orinoco on Sat Feb 16th, 2002 at 09:01:17 PM PST

	Well, there is NOW, Tarquin!

	Be thankful (none / 0) (#5)
	by jvance on Sat Feb 16th, 2002 at 10:49:38 PM PST

	you don't work in an industry dominated by organized crime. Unless of course you do, in which case I must congratulate you on composing such a lucid rant on your wireless palm while scrunched up in that car trunk. -- Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR