Enron; Global Crossing; General Electric; Monsanto. What do these corporations have in common besides rampant political and economic scandals? They are led in their wicked crimes against humanity by rich white men. Electoral fraud; political corruption; violence; intimidation. These are only some of the pestilences rich white men perpetrate upon our society. It's enough to keep an ordinary citizen awake at night.

With their clamoring for corporate welfare, rich white men suck our society dry. With fraudulent accounting and widespread tax shelters, they refuse to give back their due share to the nation that fosters their livelihoods. Though the fairy tales depict Robin Hoods righting the cosmic balance by stealing from the rich and giving back to the poor, the truth is that the poor remain merely pawns in the well-moneyed gambits of rich white men.

Our surest security lies in the core values of civilization, values that rich white men oppose. When confronted with the awe-inspiring breath-taking beauty of America's pristine wildernesses, ordinary Americans feel a renewed appreciation of our world and of their faith. Rich white men, however, only see profits and spoils. Where an ordinary American sees a baby calf suckling at its mother's teat, a rich white man sees veal; where an ordinary American sees an elderly patient slowly dying of cancer, a rich white man sees a missed opportunity for eugenics.

At times, the behavior of rich white men is simply dumbfounding. We ask ourselves: "How could they believe what they do? How can they live with themselves?" Some call them mad, mad with a thirst for wealth and power that devours everything in its path. Others look to psychological roots, a Napoleonic complex perhaps, that can explain their megalomania and accompanying virulent misanthropy. But whatever the cause, this much is clear: rich white men pose a threat to the very existence of our nation as we know it, and they must be reined in.

The war against rich white men cannot be an easy one for the simple reason that they do not bear a single national face or even speak a common language. Divided into corporate cells of tightly knit "corporate directors", they hold closed-door meetings in anonymous skyscrapers and secretly congregate on the very floors of our securities-trading markets. Though some foreign nations are especially notorious for harboring rich white men and their rich white enterprises -- the Cayman Islands come readily to mind -- we cannot satisfy ourselves with lashing out militarily at such politically isolated sparsely populated lands. We cannot completely turn our attention abroad while domestic rich white men hatch diabolical schemes to rape our pension plans and natural environment at home.

So how can we hope to fight a war against such people in such a world? How can we penetrate such small groups who live in such remote places? The only people who can penetrate these shadowy groups and deter them are their own societies, and it has so far proven impossible to recruit turncoat rich white men to this cause. No, the ordinary clandestine methods are of no use to us here. What is required is a stronger and more overt response.

What I propose is very simple: we must round rich white men up and segregate them from society so they can do no harm. Drawing on our historical success with Japanese internment camps, I propose establishing so-called "country clubs" where rich white men will be permitted a modicum of freedom to live their lives among themselves according to their kind but forbidden from wreaking their havoc on the outside world. The job of deporting rich white men to these clubs will be all the easier for their racial homogeneity; rich white men thrive on the opportunity to exclude other races from their private affairs.

Only by taking initiative and preemptively striking at the rich white scourge within our borders can we loosen their grasp on our the throat of our nation. The road will not be easy and we shall encounter fierce resistance: rich white men maintain a standing army of blacks, Latinos, and poor white men to do their fighting for them. But if we do not rise to the occasion and smite this menace according to our manifest destiny, then our children will never know a world of liberty and prosperity.

Let's make the world a safer place.