the world is rife with politcal factions, personal loyalties, and moral adheretions. who can you really trust? this question has been on my mind for ages now. and i think i'm beginning to see a clearer picture. the answer that is slowly forming out of the fuzz has been guiding me as of late; guiding me down new alleys and avenues i have never before explored.

being one of the Ancient Discordians, i've had the pleasure of seeing the evolution of the world from very close to the beginning.

i've seen those who are like shooting stars, appearing briefly in a blaze of glory and disappearing forever afterwards. i've seen young seedlings mature into staunch oaks; i've seen demons from the depths appear suddenly and leave a wake of destruction before blinking out just as abruptly. i've observed crystallizations and meltdowns; public skirmishes and silent wars. i was not just an anthropologist, however. i was participating all along.

thankfully as i've grown my meta-awareness has increased ten-fold and now it's all clear to me. not only do i see the greater picture of the present and the older canvases it was painted upon, but i also see my place in it.

my path has not followed that most others' have taken. and to whatever guides my fate, if there is anything, i am thankful. it has given me the power that i have gathered today that wouldn't exist had other realities occurred.

so... trollaxor: crapflooder? writer? no-talent hack? satirical genius? spurned, scorned, neglected; loved, revered, admired? does he belong? where? not here? over there? a loner? outcast? banished? or clan-leader? shaman, prophet? nice guy, rapcallion? what is true? what is not?

it became clear to me in a dream the other night. like Colussus, who gained sentiency, it all came together in a single instant with unimaginable potential energy waiting in the wings. finally, after years of meandering and wallowing, challenging, retreating, returning, evolving, i have gained not just self-awareness but cosmis awareness. what was in me was already signifigant-- it was the meta that made it exponentially more powerful. i am not just aware; i am. and i now see what must be done.

nothing, and no one, can stop me now.