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A Martini Should Be Made With
Gin, I am a man of taste and refinement 36%
Vodka, I don't care about taste, I just want to be like 007 63%

Votes: 65

 Repeal the Drunk Driving Laws Now

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Mar 28, 2002
Well, Lo and Behold, yet another study has come about saying that using a cell phone while driving is worse than driving drunk. Not so surprising. What is surprising is the reaction. We need to ban cell phone usage on the road, the pundits say. I say, we need to rethink the draconian drunk driving laws that have been pushed down our throats by the killjoy Puritans.

After all, if driving drunk isn't any more dangerous than talking on the phone, then why should it be illegal?

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If you did a test where the clinical subjects had to drive through a Burger King, special order a Whopper with "heavy everything" and try to eat it while driving, they'd do worse than the cell phone drivers. With all that goo dripping on their clothes, trying to pry the napkins out of the bag, they'd sideswipe a drunk driver--and the drunk would be blamed!

How about these trendy young women you see driving down the road doing their makeup in the rear view mirror? That's perfectly safe--as long as you are going in reverse. And the guys who use an electric shaver while whipping down the expressway. Not only are they too lazy to use a real razor, they are endangering the lives of your children.

What about those people who fiddle with the radio stations and adjust the bass and treble with a multi-buttoned equalizer? Aren't they just as stupefied as some crazed cell phone button-pusher? And just as likely to smash their rolling bulldozer into your entire family?

The drunk drivers of America have gotten a bum rap. I know. There have been times when I have done the "responsible thing" and gotten a "designated driver" only to discover that the driver was a fast-food dripping, cell phone talking, radio-adjusting menace! My decision to not drive actually endangered the safety of my entire community due to foolish and narrow-minded laws.

Drivers should be judged on whether or not they are driving safely, not on peripheral considerations like whether or not they have had a Big Mac with extra sauce, or if they happened to be chatting with some flirty sexpot on a cell phone. Do you really want the government telling you if you can make a phone call?

Abraham Lincoln understood the principle of individual merit and ability. During the Civil War he was accosted by some feisty reporters, who questioned General Grant's habits. They told him that Grant was drinking a bottle of whiskey a day, that he was drunk on the campaign trail. But Lincoln knew that Grant was the only general that was having any success. So Lincoln said, "Tell me what Grant is drinking and I will serve it to the rest of my generals."

Lincoln was the greatest President of the United States. His wisdom transcends the decades. Its time to repeal the drunk driving laws. If you don't like the idea, you should be tossed in jail for your own careless driving, have your driver's license revoked, and be made to pay a whopping big fine. Otherwise you are a hypocrite.


Mobile phone ban (none / 0) (#3)
by FriendlyHacker on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 06:28:32 AM PST
The Irish government banned mobile phone usage while driving. Unfortunately, the bill is vague to say the least: it technically makes it illegal for ambulance drivers and the police to use 'walkie-talkies' while driving. I've said it before and I'll say it again... democracy doesn't work.

Democracy (none / 0) (#13)
by chip43 on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 06:40:01 PM PST
You are right Democracy doesn't work.....Unfortunately we are a Republic. Protect the stupid at all costs.

Anarchy. (none / 0) (#20)
by JoePain on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 01:10:54 PM PST
Who needs traffic signals, speed limits, stop signs. Infact get rid of all the useless semiphores. Allow people to drive under these conditions and maybe they would be forced to cooperate. WAIT A MINUTE. thats not the direction this post was meant to go. dumb me.

You and Mad Scientist should get together n/t (none / 0) (#28)
by hauntedattics on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 08:24:44 AM PST

About the poll (5.00 / 2) (#4)
by jvance on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 07:26:47 AM PST
Gin is neither tasty nor refined.

Thank you.
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

Agreed (none / 0) (#6)
by budlite on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 08:30:06 AM PST
I prefer either Southern Comfort, some form of absinthe (not necessarily the brain-addling stuff) or rum.

budlite: get some budvars in (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 02:16:47 PM PST
The real Budweiser from Czechslovakia (as sold in the Purple Turtle) is refreshing and crisp, and can be drunk all night without bodily complaint.

So I've heard... (none / 0) (#11)
by budlite on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 02:35:11 PM PST
...but truth be told, I'm not that much of a beer fan (or drinker, in fact). I tend to stick to cider or the likes of Smirnoff Ice. If I drink at all.

re: budlite: get some budvars in (5.00 / 1) (#25)
by lamont on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 10:35:28 PM PST
Budweiser Budvar is now sold in the U.S. as Czechvar. Unfortunately, it's shipped in green bottles, and is susceptible to skunking. Get it fresh, and it is an excellent brew. (ObOT: I can drink a sixer of these and still be a better driver than my gf is when she is stone cold sober. What we need is stricter licensing standards, not more prohibitions. Under any rational scheme, my gf would not be allowed to drive).

Ban it all. (4.00 / 1) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 08:09:42 AM PST
Why not ban all of it? If a cop sees you driving while on a cell phone, reading, doing your make-up, eating, or generally not paying attention, then he should be able to ticket your dumb ass. Any more than three and your license gets revoked. If the conversation is really that important, the article that interesting, or if you're starving, then pull off to the side of the road for a few minutes.

I've had too many friends and family injured by stupid alchoholics that thought they were ok to drive to even consider making it legal. Tougher driver's Ed courses and test would hurt either. Driving is a privilege, not a right.

Not to mention (none / 0) (#39)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Apr 3rd, 2002 at 01:58:30 PM PST
Not being able to take the driving test in Mexican. That is the most ridicolous thing ever!

Common Nothing (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by DePumpo on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 09:44:00 AM PST
"After all, if driving drunk isn't any more dangerous than talking on the phone, then why should it be illegal?" -smooch

Yeah, it's all about your senses. Everyone can drive drunk (or talking on the phone, etc), but not everyone can do these two things at once. It's easy to stop talking/eatting, but it's hard to sober up quick. Then there is the people who can't drive in the first place - yikes!

Smooch makes sense. It's not fair.

Why doesn't this transfer over to politics? Some people shouldn't be leading the human race. These people can't breath and lead at the same time. Why isn't there any laws to protect us from bad leaders. You think this would be common sense?

What would Lincold do?

There is a leader safeguard though (5.00 / 1) (#12)
by Narcissus on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 04:14:41 PM PST
(At least in the US, I don't know bout the islanders across the atlantic)
Actually 2 of them ...
2) there is a provision in the constitution that says if the gov't. isn't working we can repeal the use of the constitution altogether. Not that I advocate this cuz I still think its better than any other form of gov't in the world - specially better than that inherently corrupt communism/socialism crap

If u dont like the laws then get off your dead ass and vote and get your friends and family to vote so you can do something about it instead of just whining (this doesnt apply to everyone cuz there actually are pplz who vote but not many)

Ok, who picked the flower???

Uhm no. (none / 0) (#37)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Apr 2nd, 2002 at 03:03:05 PM PST
Please try using your brain when you decide to post something. Alcohol can hit you at anytime, even when you think you're fine. Its okay to drink and go drive because you "think" you'll be fine. And then what happens when you slam into a car and kill a family? Morons.

stoopid americans (none / 0) (#8)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 12:26:46 PM PST
The real problem are the laws keeping pubs out of neighborhoods. If I could walk to a bar from my house I could get smashed then walk home or pass out in my neighbors yard. But all the bars are in town due to zoning laws. So I have to drive 30 minutes to get there and at the end of the night when im really rolling im forced to either leave my car downtown and take a cab, or drive home. Im not going to leave my car because it will be in the worst neighborhood in town and I will just have to take a cab to get back to it the next day. So most the time I drive home.

LIve in town, or the city then (5.00 / 1) (#16)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 06:55:46 AM PST
We chose to live in the city, and if we were so inclined, we could go to many different bars within a five block radius, at least three that I can think of. Who is forciing you to live in the suburbs?

A. Rightmann

oh yeah thats much easier (none / 0) (#18)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 11:44:37 AM PST
we'll just have everyone from the burbs move into the city. Im sure you city folk have plenty of parking and housing for everyone, jeez why didnt i think of that! Relocating like the whole middle class to downtown is lots easier then repealing a few zoning restictions bah i was so stoopid.

.au (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 06:35:29 PM PST
Jebus bless .au, I have a about 3 pubs within walking distance of the suburb I live in :)

I disagree... (none / 0) (#33)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 1st, 2002 at 06:31:52 AM PST
>The real problem are the laws keeping pubs out of neighborhoods.

I have to disagree with you there. Pubs are good, but shaved is better.

You don't go far enough. (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by jvance on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 12:44:35 PM PST
about one third of all auto accidents are caused by drunk drivers. You do realize what this means, don't you? It means two thirds of all auto accidents are caused by sober drivers!

I propose that the legal blood alcohol limit be changed from a maximum to a minimum value.
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

Sir, (5.00 / 1) (#24)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 07:19:11 PM PST
you have joined the dots of this particular topic. You have excelled, leaving the original author feeling distinctly adequate. Rest assured, when I get back from holiday I shall use all ten of my accounts here to give you the comment ratings you deserve.

Anonymous Isn't

The unheard proposal (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by RootComplex on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 10:03:39 PM PST
I propose something entirely different. Ban driving. Personally, I'm sick of it.

Is it time to be JG Ballard? OK Lets go! (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 02:05:19 AM PST
If nothingness is the ground of all being, then death is the ground of all life

You gather at night. It begins with drinking. The exact locale is unimportant. The more out-of-the-way, the better: any little beer joint near the highway will do. You keep to yourselves, off in a corner, exchanging litle chitchat, few social pleasantries. The object being the intake of alchohol. Get it in your system: It opens the blood vessels, gets the heart pumping. The ancients used wine in their rituals, thinking it brought them closer to their god, gods, whomever. Tonight you have rituals of your own.

No one pays much attention to the stuck-up little group huddled in the side booth. You down your drinks in peace. Any type of cold, cheap booze will do, usually whatever drafts are sold by the pitcher. You drink quietly, exchnging mostly knowing glances with one another, your little group, your little sect. Three, four pitchers are put away and everyone is feeling pleasantly buzzed. Minds just on the edge of reeling, you head out into the brisk night air, to the cars and the open road.

When a person operates an automoble, the car becomes an extension of the body. Reflex arcs take over as the individual operates the clutch, shift lever, brakes, gas pedal, steering wheel, almost unconciously. The ancients believed wine put them in touch with the gods: what would they have made of your little group, hearts pounding, flushed with spirit / spirits, inhabiting these metal mechines, bringing them to life? One by one, you roll out of the parking lot out onto the open road, into the darkness.

The car becomes an extension of the body: steel cables and hydraulic lines your nerves, your heart eight churning cylinders, from the exhaust pipe, your voice bellows like the frenzied cries of ancient priests invoking their most terrible god. Your cars, your bodies, accelerate. You surge forward, your little group, eyes blazing out to illumine the road ahead, the road now reduced to a blur as you gain speed: the world transformed, adrenaline and alcohol, metal, gasoline, asphalt, oxygen, all come together in the supreme ecstacy of the moment. Where does man leave off and metal begin? How to separate the self from the sensation? You are as one, you are one, your little sect, picking up even more speed. Oblivious to the way the cars are shuddering now, the ever increasing force needed to keep the vehicles on the road, you push forward together, faster now, faster means higher and so faster still must be higher still, pushing toward some transcendence that seems to be just arould the next tick of the speedometer...

In an instant, it is over. You have lost one of your own. Screeching of brakes as the remaining cars slam to a halt. One of you crushed up horribly against a light post, the post itself, a big metal tube, bent over at a wild angle by the force of the collision, twists crazily out over the road. All around a sickening quiet: nothing could have survived that crash. You are in the presence of death.

The ancients believed in sacrifice, that the willful expenditure of life force could make tangible the powers that shape the universe. Here in the darkness, you have lost one of your own, a fresh, full young life, obliterated all at once in an instant, as by the swift judgement of the omnipotent. You almost feel the spirit dissipating around you, flowing out of the crumpled steel, over your skin, out into the atmosphere, into space, the cosmos. One by one, you shed your clothing, turning and moving toward each other. You fall together, leaning against the wreckage, the immediacy of such sudden and terrible death heightens your hunger for living to an unbearable pitch. You reach out to one another, men, women, whatever, coming together, kissing, groping, fucking, on and against the mangled car, the streetlights casting broken shadows every which way, the reek of smoke and death filling your lungs. One by one you climax, expending yourselves in and on one another, rubbing against each other's warm needful bodies, against the cold steel of the dead car. Spent and exhausted, you disperse. Dressing yourselves haphazardly in whatever articles of clothing you pick up off the ground, you stumble back to your cars, driving off, slowly now, back down the highway. Along the horizon the encroaching daylight pushes the night away.

Unable to respond (none / 0) (#38)
by rsknapp on Tue Apr 2nd, 2002 at 05:59:27 PM PST
Your essay struck me dumb. Thank you. There can be no other response but speechlessness.

that was (none / 0) (#42)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 08:33:56 PM PST

Let's not forget about the Dope (none / 0) (#17)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 10:19:21 AM PST
I love driving high. I'm a safer driver when I have a nice fat blunt with me on a long car ride. Nothing beats hiding snacks and then finding them later (after you've forgotten that you bought them at the last gas station).

I guess my point is, you'all can argue all you want about operating a motor vehicle while drunk, on the phone, or eating an Ultimate Cheeseburger (shout-out to J in the B), but leave us peaceful, safe dope smokers out of it. Please.

Acid either (none / 0) (#19)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 01:06:53 PM PST
I enjoy driving while triping. How to describe it? It is an almost a religious experience.

Unlike alcohol, which causes your perception to twist and contort, leaving you dizzy with nausia, Acid enhances the experience, indeed beautifing it.

As you travel, taking hard corners and moving up and down hills, it becomes apparent you are not moving at all. You are in one position-stationary- held in place as if by extreme gravity as the world is traveling blissfully passed you, bending and twisting.

It is as if your are travelling thru the world and not in it- oblivious to external stimuli. It is wonderful.

I highly recommend it. It is an extremely Solipsisticating experience.

Just don't E and drive.. (1.00 / 1) (#43)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Apr 10th, 2002 at 08:14:37 AM PST
Driving while under the influence of E, however, really really sucks. Every time a rush comes on, everything gets blurry.

Damn you drug users (none / 0) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 04:51:13 PM PST
I was addicted to Heroin for 15 years. You know what got me there? That's right... marijuana... it's the gateway drug. It makes you sterile, you'll grow hair on your palms, you'll get stupid. I hate drugs. It wasn't 'till I found the lorn and my saviour elvis costello, that I was able to kick my nasty reality habit. God, I've got to take my pills.

regarding Abraham Lincoln (none / 0) (#21)
by foon on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 04:29:23 PM PST
Although I'm totally in agreement with the main argument against excessive regulation of driving habits (after all, proper laws concerning driving-related crime already exist so long as an infraction was actually committed), I think that the references to Abraham Lincoln, especially in conjunction with a call for deregulation, are misguided. One can only call Lincoln the "greatest president ever" after more than a century of pro-Federal propaganda has obscured the original vision of the founding fathers for a limited federal government, in accordance with the Constitution. The tenth ammendment guaranteed all powers not delegated to the federal government by the Constitution to the states. Although eliminating primitive plantation agriculture in favor of modern capitalism was a progressive development which would have occured naturally in the southern states anyhow, the War Between the States initiated by Lincoln was not the proper means of attaining this goal. What Lincoln did was to stamp out the sovereignty the states preserved after signing the constitution, and clear the way for the anti-gun, anti-free market welfare state we have today. Its a dishonor to the patriots who fought for the rights of states in the last century to proclaim Lincoln "the greatest president ever".

You are correct. (none / 0) (#26)
by tkatchev on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 01:09:06 AM PST
Only after Lincoln did the U.S. become a single entity.

Remember, the original name of your country is "united states", where "states" as in "countries", "nations".

Peace and much love...

Devolution is the answer. (5.00 / 1) (#27)
by walwyn on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 04:26:58 AM PST
The best thing to do in the current circumstances is to break the thing up, like they have done in Russia.

This may lead initially to some local diffiiculties, but as with the Balkans, these will eventually be resolved.

The world will be a better place as a result.

An even greater menace! (none / 0) (#29)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 10:52:57 AM PST
A new study reveals that obese people are twice as likely to die in car crashes as (doubtless physically fit) adequacy readers.

This clearly implies that the obese should also be banned from driving.

No.. No.. and NO! (none / 0) (#31)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Mar 31st, 2002 at 01:12:07 PM PST
If the study showed FatGits(tm) were causing accidents, then maybe, but being more likely to die is simply justice. Let them drive, they have more to lose in a crash.

hm (none / 0) (#32)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 1st, 2002 at 12:11:08 AM PST
well it's come to my attention that you are all highly in-bred christian rednecks, and i say you should all be shot anyways! news for adults my ass. im a kid. from what i've read (especially that "your son is a hacker" crap) is completely idiotic. honestly, do you believe someone is a hacker because their hair is an unnatural color? my hair is green. you will all burn in hell. enjoy :)

Hi kid (none / 0) (#35)
by walwyn on Mon Apr 1st, 2002 at 10:18:47 AM PST
There was a debate recently as to which of these was better.

Care to share your opinion??

Summary executions for bad drivers (5.00 / 1) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 11:49:15 AM PST
Anyone caught driving recklessly for any reason (drinking, talking on cellphone, receiving blowjob from passenger, etc) should just be dragged out of the car and shot. They're likely to get themselves killed sooner or later anyway, but taking them out proactively will prevent them from also killing any of the responsible drivers (& pedestrians) who might cross their path.

It seems you are jealous... (none / 0) (#34)
by derek3000 on Mon Apr 1st, 2002 at 09:16:19 AM PST
of all the people at this site who have enjoyed "road head".

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

"Road head"? (5.00 / 1) (#36)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 1st, 2002 at 01:37:04 PM PST
What, you mean the severed heads of idiots who engaged in fellatio on the highway and got themselves killed?

Damn right, I enjoy it. -- because it isn't

To quote Geoffrey Dahmer (5.00 / 1) (#40)
by jvance on Thu Apr 4th, 2002 at 11:03:13 AM PST
it takes about 10 minutes to boil a human head.

Do you use HP Sauce on your road head?
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

HP Sauce? Bleagh! (none / 0) (#41)
by because it isnt on Thu Apr 4th, 2002 at 11:08:21 AM PST
Of course not. I use Lea & Perrins - it makes anything scrumptious! -- because it isn't


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