This is a quick (and breif) story of how modern computers actually came to be. They weren't developed in some high-tech building in silicon valley, it all started in a small rural community shortly after automated telephone services were introduced. A man, which goes by the name of Captain Crunch, discovered that using a certain pich on a flute that he found in cereal - he could call places for free. He eventualy replaced the flute with a small electronic device called a "blue box." This device quickly spread and a society was formed. Now over the years it grew and eventaully they abandoned the blue box and began on computers. By now they had already been dubed hackers, after the number of hours they spent "hacking" away at figuring things out. Hackers were the first to invent many things, the first home pc (founders of Apple Computers,) the internet, and e-mail. Now you may be surprised at who are hackers, Bill Gates is one (he was actually arrested early on for using the blue box), so are the three founders of Macintosh as I stated before. Nowadays a faction of hacers has developed, we call them Crackers. They are the ones that steal information, spread viruses, and crash hard-drives. Now you might be asking,then what is a hacker?? Well now a hacker is just someone who, well, "uses" computers. They are people who want to know everything that a computer can do, what their weaknesses are, or if we can beat the computer. Personnally I hack for 1. curiosity and 2. the challenge of outsmarting, outwitting, and outplaying the computers. Now I know how to use, make, and control viruses - but I know this to protect myself. With this knowledge I can stop anything that might threaten my computer.

Excuse my poor sentence structure but I had to rush this, so ya. ~Sarix14

[editor's note, by Peter Johnson] Our response follows:

From: shoeboy <shoeboy@adequacy.org>
To: ben_the_bear@hotmail.com
Subject: Your Adequacy.org submission

Greeting H0a0c0k0e0r,

Is perl your language of choice? I was just reading your story entitled "The Condensed History Of How Computers Actually Came To Be" and felt certain that you were "just another perl hacker."

It's been my experience that most people write code the same way they write English. Some are verbose, some are terse and some are overly concerned with structure. You just plain suck. Your prose appears to have congealed rather than having been composed. It's the English equivalent of the following:

#! /usr/bin/perl
@k = unpack "a"x5,'x_,d@';@o = unpack "a"x19,'Q8>tUxLm\@`Y%N@cIq]';
while ($i<19){print chr((ord($o[$i])-ord($k[$i++%5])+91)%91+32);}

Like an obfuscated perl script, your submission is ugly, unreadable and accomplishes nothing useful. I'm not sure why you bothered to submit it as it only served to convince us that you cannot write.

We are sorry, but your submission is simply not fit for publication on Adequacy.org. We suggest you try executing it with "perl -e" instead.

Yours,
--Shoeboy
More God Than Man