Where Do You Stand in the GNU World Order?

THE TEST

1) When a friend asks if you have played StarCraft, you reply:

a. "That software is not approved for use with Debian GNU/Linux."
b. "Games are stupid. I use my computer for important things, like recompiling my kernel."
c. "Games are stupid. I would rather spend time with my girlfriend."

2) You win a free dream-date with Natalie Portman. You:

a) Lose consciousness.
b) Instead, decide to attend an Open Source seminar where Richard Stallman will be speaking.
c) Tell your girlfriend you are attending an Open Source seminar to hear Richard Stallman speak and instead go on the date with Natalie.
d) Are boycotting Natalie Portman because she appeared in a movie with a trailer released in a format not supported by Open Source Software.

3) Your Adequacy username:

a. Is conveniently remembered by Internet Explorer.
b. Was chosen by your girlfriend.
c. Is "NAWL".
d. Was chosen to reflect the "sharing" nature of the Open Source Philosophy.

4) Who discovered electricity?

a. Benjamin Franklin
b. Thomas Jefferson
c. Linux Tovardelass

5) When composing a letter home to your parents, you:

a. Manage to type in "Dear" and then break your wrist trying to execute the impossible set of keystrokes needed to move your cursor one space to the right.
b. Tell them about your new girlfriend.
c. Enjoy the conveniences of a modern GUI.

6) A friend shows you his new computer with the latest hardware. You:

a. Drool with envy.
b. Inform him that your operating system will do the same thing with half the hardware as soon as someone writes the appropriate software.
b. Show him pictures of your girlfriend naked.

7) Microsoft releases an update to Windows. You:

a. Rush to install the download so you can take advantage of the cool new video card you just bought.
b. Laugh hysterically at yet another Windows bug fix as you recompile the fourteenth release of Linux kernel 2.4.
c. Have sex with your girlfriend while Windows Update automatically installs the new software.

8) Your girlfriend:

a) Went to school at MIT.
b) Was a cheerleader.
c) Is part Cluster Lizard.
d) Is attached to your wrist.

9) Hacking Ability is:

a. A measure of "coolness".
b. Grounds for imprisonment.

10) You purchase a new digital video camera. You covertly tape yourself having sex with your girlfriend. You:

a. Attempt to download it to your hard drive using an Open Source DV application, only to have the tape erased and your camera ruined because the software used incorrect control commands.
b. Overwrite it with motion captures of the female character "Slash" from your copy of Linux Quake III.
c. Show the tape to your friends.

11) The GNU logo is:

a. Representative of freedom, sharing, and communal non-property.
b. A retarded buffalo.
c. No different than the skull and crossbones flags used on pirate ships of yore.

12) You want Richard Stallman to:

a. Continue to lend his vast intellect to championing the Open Source ideal of communal software.
b. Shove a string of sausages into his mouth while Eric Raymond rides him around a stage like a greased pig.
c. Take a bath.

13) When posting a sarcastic remark on the Internet, you:

a. Always enclose the sarcasam in HTML-style <sarcasam></sarcasm> tags.
b. Title your post "A Modest Proposal".
c. Actually, I never make sarcastic remarks on the Internet.

14) Mark Twain said the Reverend Charles Wadsworth "never fails to preach an able sermon; but every now and then, with an admirable assumption of not being aware of it, he will get off a first-rate joke and then frown severely at any one who is surprised into smiling at it." Did he mean that:

a. Wadsworth was never intentionally funny.
b. Wadsworth embarrassed himself and didn't know it.
c. There isn't enough information given to tell for certain what Twain meant.

THE SCORE

Use the following to score your results:

1) a = 20, b = 20, c = -10

2) a = -30, b = 50, c = -5, d = 50

3) a = -10, b = -20, c = 50, d = 40

4) a = -20, b = -25, c = 30

5) a = 40, b = -20, c = -20

6) a = -10, b = 30, c = -20

7) a = -20, b = 30, c = -30

8) a = 10, b = -10, c = -40, d = 40

9) a = 40, b = -40

10) a = 30, b = 25, c = -20

11) a = 30, b = -30, c = -35

12) a = 40, b = 0, c = -40

13) a = 40, b = 39, c = 0

14) a = 20, b = -5, c = 40

THE RESULTS

below 0) Congratulations! You are a well-adjusted individual of no interest to the FBI and with a rewarding social life, clear complexion and parents who love you!

0 - 40) You are a Dirty GNU Hippie who doesn't even know how to use Linux.

40 - 99) You are a simple Dirty GNU Hippie.

100 - 120) You are a Dirty GNU Hippie who immigrated from the former Soviet Union

120+) The FBI is pulling into your driveway. Have fun convincing your cellmate, Brutus, that "Open Sores" doesn't refer to your anus.

	A problem (3.00 / 2) (#9)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 08:20:54 PM PST

	I object to your intermixing of the terms "Open Source" and "Free Software", and find it doubtful in the extreme that Stallman would attend an "Open Source" conference. Do I get bonus points now? -sn

	Indeed (5.00 / 2) (#11)
	by osm on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 08:41:15 PM PST

	Give yourself 1000 points and go straight to the scoring section.

	So, (5.00 / 3) (#10)
	by poltroon on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 08:40:17 PM PST

	if I'm a girl, and I don't happen to have a girlfriend, where do I stand? Do I have no alternative to dirty gnu hippihood than to get a girlfriend?

	for the answers you seek, look no further (5.00 / 1) (#12)
	by osm on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 08:45:01 PM PST

	than here.

	Ever considered (none / 0) (#16)
	by chloedancer on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 12:58:22 AM PST

	the possibility of you an' me hooking up? It'd give Adequacy a certain cachet, would it not? Talk about "controversal"... Adequacy could become known as "that place where the editors' girlfriends really are girlfriends!" It'd never work, though, if for no other reason than the fact that hauntedattics is really more my type, all things considered.

	I knew this would happen. (none / 0) (#17)
	by elenchos on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 01:11:32 AM PST

	Proves everything I ever said about Freemont. I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	And it proves my assertion (3.00 / 1) (#25)
	by chloedancer on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 09:07:14 AM PST

	that you just might not be Fremont's type, elenchos. 'Round here the men would simply nod their heads indulgently (gloating a little, even) and thank their lucky stars for being on the periphery of such a proposition. C'est la vie.

	bah (none / 0) (#26)
	by nathan on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 09:20:38 AM PST

	Real men don't watch lesbians cavorting. They shrug, conquer foreign nations, and afterward celebrate with fierce buttsex. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Not quite. (none / 0) (#27)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 10:48:25 AM PST

	I think "real men" (I guess you mean the type that conquer contries) have problems with any sex in general. Some examples: Hilter had very serious psychosexual problems -- his first sexual contact occured well into his 30's, with his niece, (!) with elements of sadomasochism. (!!) Lenin was sick with some form of latent syphilism (pardon me, I'm not a doctor) for most of his adult life. For this reason he was impotent (he never had children) and probly had some serious complications that damaged his brain. (!) Marx had three (I think) children -- but they all either committed suicide or wound up in insane asylyms. He never had grandchildren. Alexander the Great was reputedly homosexual, though this is very suspect, since he managed to have several wives at the same time. Mussolini also had serious psychosexual problems, though I don't really remeber what exactly. (Don't have time to look it up now.) Napoleon I don't know about -- perhaps someone can help me here? -- Peace and much love...

	is it true? (none / 0) (#28)
	by nathan on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 11:00:38 AM PST

	We missed you, tkatchev! How wonderful to have you back. Of course I was talking about Alexander. Has there ever been more of a man than he? As for not practicing homosexuality, as an aristocratic Hellenized Macedonian, it would have been almost impossible for him not to have done so. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Napoleon (none / 0) (#33)
	by BCFH on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 12:06:30 AM PST

	Napoleon is what Nathan refers to as a "real man"- he had a wife (Josephine) and kids (i have no idea). He was also mortally afraid of cats and had severe stomach upsets

	Hey, you're back! (none / 0) (#40)
	by hauntedattics on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 02:32:47 PM PST

	It's nice to see you on Adequacy again, tkatchev. We have missed you. It appears that I can stop worrying now. Phew.

	Napoleon (none / 0) (#34)
	by Robert Reginald Rodriguez on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 01:11:07 AM PST

	Napoleon's worst sexual deviations were merely ordinary philandering and hopeless romanticism. He was cuckolded by Josephine with almost everyone in Paris, yet he continued to adore her, even after he had the marriage anulled on grounds of extreme illegality. (Amongst other things, she was already married to another man.) His clumsy yet frequently successful attempts to seduce the wives of his closest aides and marshals are well documented. He had at least one legitimate child by the empress of Austria, and several illegitimate children by various mistresses. Josephine herself was infertile, like all sluts.

	Europeans (none / 0) (#38)
	by MessiahWWKD on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 02:14:17 PM PST

	Notice how everybody you mention is European? 'Nuff said. Guardian angel, heavenly friend, walk with me 'til the journey's end.

	Thank you. (none / 0) (#29)
	by tkatchev on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 11:31:25 AM PST

	You're right about the Hellenic nature of Alexander -- though the fact that homosexuality for him would have been practically a social requirement makes me wonder how honest his orientation was. At the very least, he seems to me like a very undetermined and restless young man. -- Peace and much love...

	It doesn't just have to be the girls, you know... (none / 0) (#30)
	by Peter Johnson on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 12:00:27 PM PST

	I think you're probably feeling a bit left out. Don't. I'm sure we could have some fun on our own. --Peter Are you adequate?

	NEWSFLASH! (none / 0) (#18)
	by koochee girl on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 02:12:55 AM PST

	*It'd give Adequacy a certain cachet, would it not? Talk about "controversal"... Adequacy could become known as "that place where the editors' girlfriends really are girlfriends!"* How so? So the editors can have various sexual orientation, but I pratically announce I AM A LESBIAN and everyone jumps down my throat (I'm awarre of the joke there) about it. Firewall Scoreboard

	Stop whining, Koochee. (none / 0) (#19)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 03:36:48 AM PST

	Oh, poor dear, you can't get laid at the adequacy. You want we should start up some sort of special Lunix Lesbian Apologist charity fund for you? How about, instead, you stop being such a didactic techno-political bigot? The crushing fact of the matter, Koochee, is that the women here are a lot cooler than you are. And they want nothing to do with you, regardless of their gender preferences (which you, clearly, know very little about). Would you please think about this for a moment or two before you spit out your next insufferably self-righteous polemic? We thank you in advance.

	no kidding (5.00 / 1) (#24)
	by nathan on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 08:40:16 AM PST

	If I could get laid here, I'd never leave. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Ahem... (5.00 / 1) (#32)
	by Peter Johnson on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 05:40:04 PM PST

	And yet you never seem to leave. I have doubts as to the sincerity of your desire to fornicate. Surely, if you were serious, you'd go about it in a more clever manner. --Peter Are you adequate?

	Don't you have any pussywhipped grovelling to do? (none / 0) (#35)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 01:45:26 AM PST

	I'm flattered... (none / 0) (#39)
	by hauntedattics on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 02:29:12 PM PST

	especially given that I'm not the girlfriend of an Adequacy editor and that, as a permanently stressed-out, Boston-based management consultant, I don't really fit the Fremont profile.

	I'm confused, let me try (2.00 / 3) (#13)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 08:58:57 PM PST

	1. D: Computer games suck. That's why I bought a PS2. Winner calls my girlfriends girlfiend. It's a win/win situation :) 2. E: Go on date with Natalie Portman. Then watch the "tape" with my girlfriend (oh she freaky) 3. E: Don't really care because Anonymous is remembered by all browsers :) 4. D: Trick qustion as Ben Franklin did not actually discover electricity. It was used for non-practical an strange pruposes for years. Franklin simply discovered how to "harness it". 5. D: Don't bother as calling mom is a local call. Tall her about your girlfriend but leave out all the "other parts". 6. D: Show him pictures of your girlfriend naked sitting at just one of your computers downloading nudie pics from lesbian websites. 7. D: Read about the issues regarding the update and any steps which need to be taken care of manually (ie the exploit in IE6 caused by a fault in Media Player). Then download them manually because that what I have XP set up to do. 8. E: Was a cheerleader and homecoming queen in HS. Then went to UCBerkeley where she met her girlfriend. 9. C: too complicated for the readers of this site. 10. Plug it into my new iMac and use iDVD to make DVD copies of that movie and the one of my girlfriend and her girlfriend. Then SELL them to my friends. 11. D: Who cares as the Windows logo is four squares and the MSN is a butterfly. Both seem to be drawn by someone on acid. 12. D: Come back later. I'm having sex. 13. D: Type something in () explaining to the Adequacy.org editors that the comments was sarcastic. Then go back to work or having sex. 14. D: Does anyone really care? Now where's my digital camera :)

	Let me clear it up for you. (5.00 / 2) (#14)
	by osm on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 09:15:39 PM PST

	4. D: Trick qustion as Ben Franklin did not actually discover electricity. It was used for non-practical an strange pruposes for years. Franklin simply discovered how to "harness it". Give yourself a score of 6 + 2i and rank yourself as a "kuro5hin wanker"

	Dear osm Sir, (5.00 / 2) (#15)
	by gcsb on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 09:49:48 PM PST

	Must you resort to insults and foul language? Perhaps some Helpful Tips and Useful Information may have steered this reader down the Right Path. As we all know, some individuals are woefully misinformed and it is our duty to carefully and politely correct their mistakes. In doing so we do our part to make the world a more informed place. Best Regards, gcsb. Sig is under re-construction...do not panic.

	Electricity (none / 0) (#20)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 04:01:21 AM PST

	The ancient Greeks knew about electricity, and the term was coined by Dr William Gilbert Mmmm, Ben Franklin invented electricity. Just Like Al Gore invented the internet. Hmmm? Now go to your room. Volt(a), Amp(ère), Farad(ay), Why no Franklin SI unit? Does not the inventor of the lightning conductor deserve more credit? Could it be that he wasn't significant enough? I suppose you think Edison invented the electric light bulb.

	Dear Sir (none / 0) (#21)
	by osm on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 04:34:56 AM PST

	First: This issue has already been addressed. Second: None of the people you mentioned are Americans and, therefore, couldn't possibly have contributed anything of value to the body of scientific knowledge. Adequacy does not recognize preposterous European myths.

	SI units. (none / 0) (#23)
	by because it isnt on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 06:58:39 AM PST

	Why no Franklin SI unit? The Système Internationale d'Unites is actually part of the anti-Yank conspiracy in Europe. It was required so scientists could publish their results internationally and everyone would understand the measurements. This is a blow in the eye for the US, for it has no scientists - only Protestants. Every time science breaks down another barrier, it turns the screw on the US and its "god of the gaps". Interestingly, Franklin never called his invention the "lightning conductor". He tried to market it as a "God's fury channeling device". He invented it by accident - he was originally trying to manufacture an improved gun barrel so he could shoot his neighbours with improved accuracy. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	not enough answers (2.50 / 2) (#22)
	by KingTT on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 04:49:46 AM PST

	1) When a friend asks if you have played StarCraft, you reply: a. "That software is not approved for use with Debian GNU/Linux." b. "Games are stupid. I use my computer for important things, like recompiling my kernel." c. "Games are stupid. I would rather spend time with my girlfriend." <b>d. "Yes."</b> 2) You win a free dream-date with Natalie Portman. You: a) Lose consciousness. b) Instead, decide to attend an Open Source seminar where Richard Stallman will be speaking. c) Tell your girlfriend you are attending an Open Source seminar to hear Richard Stallman speak and instead go on the date with Natalie. d) Are boycotting Natalie Portman because she appeared in a movie with a trailer released in a format not supported by Open Source Software. <b>e) Don't go to it :/</b> 3) Your Adequacy username: a. Is conveniently remembered by Internet Explorer. b. Was chosen by your girlfriend. c. Is "NAWL". d. Was chosen to reflect the "sharing" nature of the Open Source Philosophy. <b>e. was made up when you were ten years of age.</b> 4) Who discovered electricity? a. Benjamin Franklin b. Thomas Jefferson c. Linux Tovardelass <b>d. Old American History stories that are taken to be true are often completely fabricated so I am guessing that the kite story is full of holes</b> 5) When composing a letter home to your parents, you: <b>a. Manage to type in "Dear" and then break your wrist trying to execute the impossible set of keystrokes needed to move your cursor one space to the right.</br> I think. b. Tell them about your new girlfriend. c. Enjoy the conveniences of a modern GUI. 6) A friend shows you his new computer with the latest hardware. You: a. Drool with envy. b. Inform him that your operating system will do the same thing with half the hardware as soon as someone writes the appropriate software. c. Show him pictures of your girlfriend naked. <b>d. are confused </b> 7) Microsoft releases an update to Windows. You: a. Rush to install the download so you can take advantage of the cool new video card you just bought. b. Laugh hysterically at yet another Windows bug fix as you recompile the fourteenth release of Linux kernel 2.4. c. Have sex with your girlfriend while Windows Update automatically installs the new software. <b>d. like crappy old Windows </b> 8) Your girlfriend: a) Went to school at MIT. b) Was a cheerleader. c) Is part Cluster Lizard. <b>d) Is attached to your wrist.</b> 9) Hacking Ability is: a. A measure of "coolness". b. Grounds for imprisonment. <b>c. Define "Hacking".</b> 10) You purchase a new digital video camera. You covertly tape yourself having sex with your girlfriend. You: a. Attempt to download it to your hard drive using an Open Source DV application, only to have the tape erased and your camera ruined because the software used incorrect control commands. b. Overwrite it with motion captures of the female character "Slash" from your copy of Linux Quake III. c. Show the tape to your friends. <b>d. girlfriend is still attached to your wrist, remember?</b> 11) The GNU logo is: a. Representative of freedom, sharing, and communal non-property. b. A retarded buffalo. c. No different than the skull and crossbones flags used on pirate ships of yore. <b>d. I dunno</b> 12) You want Richard Stallman to: a. Continue to lend his vast intellect to championing the Open Source ideal of communal software. b. Shove a string of sausages into his mouth while Eric Raymond rides him around a stage like a greased pig. c. Take a bath. <b>d. live</b> 13) When posting a sarcastic remark on the Internet, you: a. Always enclose the sarcasam in HTML-style <sarcasam></sarcasm> tags. b. Title your post "A Modest Proposal". <b>c. Actually, I never make sarcastic remarks on the Internet.</b> 14) Mark Twain said the Reverend Charles Wadsworth "never fails to preach an able sermon; but every now and then, with an admirable assumption of not being aware of it, he will get off a first-rate joke and then frown severely at any one who is surprised into smiling at it." Did he mean that: a. Wadsworth was never intentionally funny. b. Wadsworth embarrassed himself and didn't know it. c. There isn't enough information given to tell for certain what Twain meant. <b> d. correct answer. I don't know, it's 4:30 AM<b> Postscript- That was a really crappy test yeah

	Define Hacker (1.00 / 1) (#41)
	by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 08:50:30 AM PST

	From: http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/jargon/html/entry/hacker.html hacker n. [originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe] 1. A person who enjoys exploring the details of programmable systems and how to stretch their capabilities, as opposed to most users, who prefer to learn only the minimum necessary. 2. One who programs enthusiastically (even obsessively) or who enjoys programming rather than just theorizing about programming. 3. A person capable of appreciating hack value. 4. A person who is good at programming quickly. 5. An expert at a particular program, or one who frequently does work using it or on it; as in `a Unix hacker'. (Definitions 1 through 5 are correlated, and people who fit them congregate.) 6. An expert or enthusiast of any kind. One might be an astronomy hacker, for example. 7. One who enjoys the intellectual challenge of creatively overcoming or circumventing limitations. 8. [deprecated] A malicious meddler who tries to discover sensitive information by poking around. Hence `password hacker', `network hacker'. The correct term for this sense is cracker. Answer b)."Grounds for imprisonment." is only related to the deprecated meaning 8. and therefore invalid. a) should be the correct answer.

	astonishing! (none / 0) (#42)
	by nathan on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 09:16:11 AM PST

	Well, there you go. The problem's been defined out of existence! Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Why is this (5.00 / 1) (#31)
	by KingTT on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 03:00:36 PM PST

	That I don't even know what GNU is and yet I scored 250 points

	I'm well adjusted... (none / 0) (#36)
	by Well Adjusted Individual on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 05:30:44 AM PST

	Even in my name I'm well-adjusted... I got a -245! I congratulate myself on being such a mild-mannered and 'all together' guy. -- May the lord strike down those who are not rightous.

	I tried to finish the quiz (5.00 / 1) (#37)
	by donkpunch on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 12:27:48 PM PST

	...but I had to stop and have sex with my wife.