My husband has been pressing me to engage in anal sex, and I don't feel at all comfortable with his request. It seems too dirty and animal-like, but as a good Christian I should submit to his desires. Please help me reconcile these two viewpoints.

Mrs. You want to put it where?

Dear Mrs. Where,

You left out a few details in your letter, so let me tell you what I think, and you can pick the appropriate option. Anal sex is not exactly procreative sex, the odds of having children from this deviant act are very slim, though I suppose if your torso was angled down some of your husband's seed might ooze out and enter your Gates of Heaven (I suppose my inbox will be flooded with people correcting me here, stating that they were born of suich a deviant act). If you have not fulfilled your procreative duties (and the Church is sensitive to claims of overpopulation, if you have at least 5 children the Church considers you to have done your duty), simply appeal to your husband's better nature and say you'd rather try for another child. If he's a decent, right thinking man, he will understand this.

If you have fulfilled your procreative duties, it gets a little harder. You could try to dissuade him by exclaiming how much more you like his manmeat thrusting into your hole of love.If this doesn't work, I see two things happening, he's conceived of this desire from roaming perverse parts of the internet, or he could be having homosexual urges, most llikely due to demonic possession. In the case of the first part, for your husband's sake, and your marriage's sake, you should submit to his wicked desires, and help him get this out of his system. In the case of incipient homosexual urgings, I would contact a clergyman about a possible exorcism. You will be in my prayers tonight.

Dear Adam,

Please help, my wife is unable to have an orgasm unless I stimulate her with my mouth. What could be wrong with her?

Mr. Tongue-tired

Dear Mr. Tongue-tired

I wish I could hold your wife up as an example to all those fuzzy minded secular humanists who say that masturbation is harmless. It's apparent, that in your wife's case, too much fiddling around with her external genitalia has conditioned her to primarily respond to clitoral stimulation, as opposed to the more mature vaginal stimulation. As a a result, she needs extra attention from you to come to orgasm (fortunately a woman's orgasm is not needed to expand the human race).

First, your wife needs to relearn her sexual responsiveness, concentrating on vaginal feelings instead of clitoral. It may be quicker for you to withhold your oral attentions, but in the interest of marital relations perhaps you could treat her once in a while.

Second, you should stress to her the non-procreative nature of oral sex, and perhaps she will resist that call until you've had the prescribed number of children.

Adam Rightmann is internationally known as a right thinking moral source of all good advice about relationships, sex, and morality. If you have a pressing concern that your clergyman can't answer, and you'd like to ask Adam, email Adam with your question to arightmann@adequacy.org . Due to the high number of emails received, you may not get an answer, but at least Adam will pray for you.