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Marlboros 21%
Camels 13%
Newports 0%
Winstons 0%
Old Golds/Dorals/other generic brand 4%
Bottom of shelf, beyond generic 4%
Roll yer own 4%
Marijuana 34%
dont smoke at all 13%
whatever's on sale 4%

Votes: 23

 The cultural and economic benefits of smoking

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jul 22, 2001
I decided to write this piece after buying a pack of smokes in New York State..they are five dollars a pack on average here, and I have decided to devote this article to deluding myself that it is worth it.

For starters let's say this. New York state has among the highest cigarette taxes in the country, so people go to the Indian "rez" or Seneca Nation as I prefer to call it in order to get tax free gasoline and smokes.

Pataki, our governor, used the police in order to deter the Seneca from this revenue-gathering activity.

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The government benefits from smoking taxes, and the trial lawyers that support the government benefit from smoking settlements. Nevertheless, the tobacco companies, which also produce many of our basic foodstuffs, are still allowed to play a prominent role in American politics.

In New York State, some counties ban smoking from any restaurant which cannot provide a totally separate ventilation system (separate rooms) for smokers and nonsmokers.

This transition should be subsidized for several reasons- first of all, it poses an involunary loss of business to those who are running restaurants. If "eminent domain" laws force compensation for governmental appropriation of property for a just cause, the smoking restrictions, supposedly to promote good health, should likewise compensate business owners.

Secondly, the early death of smokers does not deter their effective contribution to the national economy. The smoker buys these cigarettes, spending money in a "Pyramid" pattern; this is an allusion to the original economic and political purposes of the Egyptians when they built their pyramids: The pyramids were meant to soak up excess wealth, deterring any potential instability caused by those lower on the totem pole fighting to acquire this wealth. Likewise, the entire smoking industry and the accordant medical conditions can be described, along with the entertainment industry, as "Pyramids." Just like it is necessary to burn excess food crop, we must burn excess food and cash.

Philip Morris recently published a study about the lighter side of smoking: in the Czech Republic, the early deaths of smokers may cause a financial boon to a cash strapped government which cannot afford to provide them services in the later years of life.

"We are not in any way suggesting that the social cost of smoking is of benefit to society," a Morris spokesman said.

However, those social costs are of benefit to society as a whole. There's a death deficit in this world; people are dying of things like AIDS, malnutrition, and cholera; things that are not always self inflicted, as smoking damage nearly always is. The smoker, rather than the innocent, starving kid, should die; the money saved by the smoker's death can save the kid.

Perhaps, when the global fascist order finally takes over completely, they can remove all health benefits for smokers while removing all restrictions on smoking. Then, the resultant depopulation will free up funds for AIDS relief, malnutrition, and other pressing health issues.


Costs of health care should be reduced... (4.50 / 2) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 01:35:21 PM PST
...for heavy smokers. After all, they'll be leaving the planet a whole lot sooner than the rest of us, using very little of their HMO's resources. Since they don't have much to live for, at least cut'em a break on healthcare.

Healthcare for smokers (4.50 / 2) (#5)
by sputnik on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 05:00:12 PM PST
...should, on the contrary, cost _more_. Since they'll be leaving early anyway, why should we subsidize a few more short years? Let them pay up if they want to add a few years to a lifetime they have already chosen to cut short.

So being a smoker yourself... (4.50 / 2) (#2)
by Harvey Black on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 02:59:09 PM PST
...your greatest contribution to society will be to kick off early? This reminds me of that story 'Welcome to the Monkey House' by Kurt Vonnegut.

A suggestion: (2.40 / 5) (#3)
by pk on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 04:27:25 PM PST
Why not make the stories voted on. That way we, the readers, could decide on what we'd like to see on the front page. You could still have it so that only editors could write/ad stories to the queue, but they would't make it to the front page unless they gathered enough votes.

What do you think this is ? a democracy ? (4.50 / 4) (#4)
by dmg on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 04:35:44 PM PST
The whole point of adequacy is our high editorial standards. The adequacy editors pride ourselves on having the good taste and judgement to delete pointless comments, and likewise, we and we alone will decide what goes on the front page.

This seemingly autocratic approach guarantees you will see only quality stories, and removes the greatest problems of slashdot and k5 - groupthink will never prevail at adequacy.

Actually, you have just given me a very good idea for a new adequacy article: Democracy - Panacaea ? or Dictatorship of the Moronic Mob.

Watch this space.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

Your logic fails... (2.75 / 4) (#6)
by pk on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 06:09:21 PM PST
Wouldn't you rather know that you have the love and respect of the readership? How can you really know, that you, as an editor, are writing to your fullest potential? I think that would be the ultimate way. Once you have the appreciation of the unwashed masses, you will know for sure, that you, as a write, are truly reaching your full potential.

Who gives a fuck what the 'readership' thinks ? (4.50 / 4) (#10)
by dmg on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 08:07:05 PM PST
Wouldn't you rather know that you have the love and respect of the readership ?

I don't give a fuck about the readership. I write because it amuses me. I post because I am an editor and I can. If you like what I write, fine. If you don't like it, also fine.

I do not need validation by the unwashed masses as you describe them. I have several degrees, and years and years of experience. I know my shit. I do not need the appreciation of a 15-year old wannabe to make me feel good.

I know I am writing to my fullest potential, because all adequacy articles are peer-reviewed before posting by an elite group of well-educated and well-informed individuals.

Why would I care what anyone else thinks ?

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

Re: Who gives a fuck what the 'readership' thinks (2.33 / 3) (#12)
by pk on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 09:06:48 PM PST
Who do you write for?

If this site did not have a readership, you would still write your story. It would still get edited by a group of people that think as you do (did you say that group think would not pervade this site?).

However, if no one reads what you write, what is the point of writing? Do you become a better person for writing unread "stories?"

No groupthink here I'm afraid. (4.33 / 3) (#13)
by dmg on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 09:30:16 PM PST
a group of people that think as you do

All the adequacy editors have lots of differing opinions. We think carefully about what we post, and often, long bitter raging arguements ensue. Especially over matters of taste. Some adequacy editors urge more restraint. Still others demand that we push the envelope of controversy as far as it will go.

So there you have it: no groupthink at adequacy, and I still do not care if anyone reads my shit.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

This doesn't help me at all. (5.00 / 2) (#7)
by elenchos on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 06:44:09 PM PST
These are just reasons why I should want other people to smoke. That's all fine and dandy, but what about me? I haven't had a cigarette in two and a half years, and I really want one. Smoking was so nice: it was so wonderful that if I went too long without doing it I felt like shit, and soon I could think about nothing but how I was going to get myself a cigarette. How many things in life can you say that about?

But the weak, dirty lungs and the hole-in-your-neck thing, --you know, with smoke coming out of it?-- I don't dig that. I might find all kinds of positive things to see in other people dying young, but myself? How is that a good thing for me? Do I personally save money by being dead? Sure, being dead would reduce my costs to zero, more or less, but my income and assets and everything would go to zero too. That represents a step down, by my accounting.

So this just isn't good enough. I need a reason for me to smoke, not them. Screw those people; they never did anything for me anyway. Make it worth it for me, okay?

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

well.. (5.00 / 4) (#8)
by perdida on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 07:06:15 PM PST
1) smoking is a useful pointer... like the long pointers of calculus profs and Catholic school nuns of yore, it can be used to highlight rhetorical points and inflict pain on people. Unlike the pointer/cluestick, however, it can only cause pain through burns.

2) smoking looks cool. it makes you look like a harried, stressed out writer.

3) since smokers are cool, those restaurants that do have smoking sections in them segregate the cool people together and keep the un-cool ones away with a miasma of smoke. (props to editor bc for this one)

This is what democracy looks like

Some good reasons to smoke (5.00 / 3) (#9)
by bc on Sun Jul 22nd, 2001 at 07:18:53 PM PST
  • It's cool. Doesn't matter what all the whingers say, the bottom line is that smoking improves your image.
  • It tastes good, and feels good too. As a smoker myself, I can testify that there is nothing like puffing on a cigarette. The feeling of satisfaction as the smoke enters your lungs and the nicotine travels through your bloodstream to twiddle with those all-important nerve receptors in your brain is superb.
  • It keeps arseholes at bay. A general rule of life is that the sort of people who moan about smokers, and prissily insist on non-smoking sections, and invite you to put your cigarette out, are the most irksome bastards around. By smoking, you annoy them, which is a good thing in itself. Plus you get to sit in the smoking section, where all the cool people are.
  • They are a good emotional crutch. In a bar, waiting for a girl, and feeling nervous? Light up a cigarette, it washes all feelings of trepidation away!
  • Salves against boredom. One of the great things about a smoke is that it is a good way to while away an idle ten minutes. Got a compulsive personality? Feel uncomfortable and frustrated when you don't have anything to do? Smoking is for you! You too can light up when waiting for a bus or a taxi, and not feel annoyed for one second that said bus or taxi is late, cos lets face it man, you're smoking and nothing could be further from your mind than boredom.
  • Impresses the right sort of opposite sex. Smoking isn't just about pleasure, it's a status symbol. By smoking you are broadcasting to all those around you that you are a free and easy personality, not the sort of prick to worry about losing 5 minutes of his life with every smoke. Many members of the opposite sex find this devil-may-care attitude tremendously attractive, and by smoking you can transmit it without even saying a word.
Now, tiresome people might say something like "Kissing someone who smokes is like kissing an ashtray" or "Smokers have horrible yellow teeth" or "smokers have horrible black lungs". Don't listen to these pasty faced pricks. Every single one of their objections is a falsehood.

No reason for anyone to have yellow teeth in this day and age of miraculous dental treatment. Who cares what your lungs look like, nobody sees them! And there isn't anything like kissing a girl who has been smoking and drinking G&T's. These people expect some sort of sterile existence. They expect kissing to be a tasteless experience, they don't like anything that might be dirty. Leave them to their asthma, go forth and smoke! The world can be your oyster.

Above all, remember that there is more to life than good health.

♥, bc.

Of course.. (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 09:49:48 AM PST
90% of the things you list, you wouldn't have a problem with anyway if you didn't smoke. =]

Too bad smoking enriches Sourthern Baptists (5.00 / 2) (#14)
by Adam Rightmann on Mon Jul 23rd, 2001 at 07:02:08 AM PST
really, those obscene profits go right to one of the most intolerant heretical branches of Christianity ever, Southern Baptists. That money leads to increasing political power for them to push their intolerant, deranged agenda.

Mark my words, thirty years from now when Bingo and wine are outlawed, and those Southern Baptist preachers are driving their Cadillacs to whorehouses for perverse kinky practices, you will all be sorry.

A. Rightmann


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