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Is Britney Spears a man?
yes 18%
no 26%
maybe 9%
i slept with her 22%
i slept with him 20%
other (please post) 2%

Votes: 175

 Britney Spears' Six-Inch Secret

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 04, 2002
Steve is an ordinary guy who worked for three years in the same cubicle at a moderately successful software firm.

When Steve started at his job, says a workmate, he hung a Britney Spears poster right next to his computer monitor. "She encourages me along," he'd often say.

Then, one day, Steve took the poster down and quit his job. He stood up on his desk and announced his plans to "become an Internet entrepreneur," says the workmate, a support technician who occupied the adjacent cube.

Steve was going to prove to the world that pop star Britney Spears is a man.


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I discovered this man in the depths of Usenet, where he was ranting incoherently about dark forces tearing his site down from the Internet."

Intrigued, I emailed Steve personally and learned that he had been the author of a self-published website called Britney Spears Is A Man Dot Com, which had been removed from the Net, together with all the Google caches, mirrors, and Usenet posts about the site.

This little fact-nugget inspired me to purchase a plane ticket to Steve's hometown.

After quitting his job, Steve had moved his computer network to the basement of his parents' house. I met him in the driveway, where he heartily shook my hand and apologized for the "security procedures" I'd have to submit to before seeing his controversial Britney poop.

Steve and I stepped into the kitchen, where he'd situated a small computer. Besides storing his mother's archived Good Housekeeping recipes, the machine did his background research. Using his hacked connection to FBI databases, Steve punched in my Social Security number and learned that I had stolen a set of hubcaps when I was 18. This evidently didn't mean that I was unfit to learn the secrets of Britney. After a few minutes gloating (and pointing to a battered old poster proclaiming that "information wants to be free"), Steve led me down into the basement.

We emerged in a dim room that was dominated by a huge rack-mounted computer. After I signed a form promising that I would not disclose his identifying information or the location of his suburban hideout, Steve entered a few passwords into a battered keyboard and the site fired up in a glory of color.


There the page was, in its full glory, complete with the ads that it bore when Lizzie Grubman, Britney's publicist, forced the site down by threatening to flatten Steve with her SUV.

The site is basically structured like a web log, where the believers in the Male Britney would post pictures and news clippings that supported their belief. After reading the site for hours, I too began to believe that, indeed, Britney is a man.

As we learned in the Monica Lewinsky scandal, there is no way to prove a sexual secret, even by exposing humiliating details to the public. One can only detect the possibility of such a secret by gathering fragments of information and putting them together. It was this work that consumed Steve and his loyal readers.

First, there is the case of Robert Stephens, a drag queen and a Britney impersonator. Stephens, who often performed in nightclubs as Britney, won a Britney Spears lookalike contest in which the prize was going back stage at a concert to meet his idol.

When Robert got back stage, he was beckoned over by a TV crew from E! Entertainment Television. Robert thought the crew was there to cover his contest win. But when he sat down, Lizzie Grubman walked by, freaked out, and threw Robert and his dancers out a back door. Eventually, months later, Robert got to meet Britney after a New Orleans DJ raised a stink, but only for four minutes.

Steve's readers raised some interesting points about this snafu. Was the Britney foul-up too close to call for the pop star's entourage? Look at these pics comparing Robert and Britney.

Why would the publicist fend off such an amusing lookalike, which could only generate positive publicity if accepted with a smile? To Steve and his readers, there could be only one reason: if Britney is actually a man, the drag queen could only raise embarrassing questions.

"Britney-boy was 17 when he met Robert," says Fan4Evah, one of Steve's posters. "If they met now, the resemblance would be even stronger, because Britney-boy has lost all his baby fat now and looks even MORE like a man."

The release of Britney's second album, "Oops! I did it again!" and the surrounding publicity, in which Britney appeared in more provocative clothes and with more makeup and bigger hair, lent weight to this argument. Here's one fan's comparison pictures. Although her image and style when the second album was released were meant to say that "she wasn't a girl anymore," her more mature image was, as one of Steve's readers put it, "more camp than femme."

Britney's relationship with Justin Timberlake of the band N'SYNC, which shares a record label with Britney, also raised some eyebrows on Steve's site. "Everybody knows that boy bands are all gay. If Britney was a real woman, why didn't she shack up with Mystikal or R. Kelly?" asked an anonymous poster.

Does it really matter whether Britney is a man or not? It sure doesn't matter to me -- I'd hate her just as much if she were a man. Most fans, though, hate her music and prefer to look at her videos rather than listen to her CD's. Her image is the core of her marketability; without that nubile sexuality, her listener base might drop by 80% or more! That may be why her true identity is so closely guarded.

If Britney is really a man, she may learn from the mistakes of Dana International, an Israeli pop star.

This lithe, splendid beauty, a transgendered male-to-female singer who lives as a woman, sings complex, upbeat dance tracks that go over big in Europe. Like Britney, she came onto the music scene through the talent show circuit, becoming the first openly gay performer to win the Eurovision contest (a Euro version of America's "Star Search").

As a transgendered star, Dana had to forsake the more conservative market-share, as Orthodox Jews in Israel protested her concerts and sent her death threats. However, she was able to use the controversy to fuel her career and reach a wider audience. But other Dana fans bemoan the fact that, as a "drag queen," Dana is forced into an ostentatious, campy image.

Maybe that's why Britney has kept her six-inch secret -- to preserve the right to wear blue jeans.


Thank goodness... (none / 0) (#2)
by derek3000 on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 08:36:57 AM PST
we still have The Plan. Evidently appearing at the Terrace on 1/15.

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

D-Plan Rocks (none / 0) (#3)
by perdida on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 08:50:21 AM PST
Talk about viscerally satisfying actual honest to god American rock and roll. :)



This is what democracy looks like

join us, (none / 0) (#4)
by derek3000 on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 09:08:50 AM PST
I hung out with Travis at a Denny's in Chambersburg, PA after a show. He's a pretty heady fella.

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

an idea (5.00 / 1) (#5)
by hauntedattics on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 11:02:10 AM PST
I voted for "other" because Britney is neither woman nor man. "She" is actually an audio-animatronic, a human replicant completely constructed by Jive Records, Disney, Pepsi and MTV. Honestly, has anyone here actually met her "in the flesh"? And if you had, would you be able to tell there was a real person under there? I think not.

I agree (none / 0) (#6)
by motherfuckin spork on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 12:42:09 PM PST
although I think that Sony may have been in on it as well.

it still doesn't explain the "sock-on-the-arm" incident, though.

I am not who you think I am.

Explanation (none / 0) (#26)
by hauntedattics on Wed Jan 9th, 2002 at 06:40:06 AM PST
The 'sock-on-the-arm' incident was actually a subtle marketing campaign, planned and carried out by Hanes with the participation of the NFL, to bring back that winner early-80s tube sock look. The campaign planners thought that, if enough teen girls saw Britney wearing tube socks, another nostalgia fashion trend would be born, just like bell-bottoms and blouson tops.

However, even Britney knew how doofalicious wearing tube socks is, and refused. The marketing folks managed to get her to wear one on her arm by upping her already-enormous paycheck and telling her that 'it would be a phat accessory' to that 'altered' Aerosmith t-shirt. Hearing no words of complaint from her stylist, Ms. Spears took a deep breath (and the paycheck) and agreed.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work and engage in other forms of fiction writing.

gotta love this site (none / 0) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 03:07:22 PM PST
This is a great website. I love the mission statment... I just can't stop laughing. I have to show this to my friends im sure they will love it. Oh btw satan is the lord and savior. God is a myth thats been disproven through science. HoXorZ RuLE, and praise allah. Also a good movie to whatch is Dogma... what else... Homo sexuality is not a sin since god created animals yet they preform homosexuality, and yes they do i have a couple of dogs that go at it. The white male that is oppressed is a favorite, damn gore should of won just to shut this place down. As a democrat and active libral male that marches for womens rights, black righrs, and gay rights (im hetero) I feel that as an furriner that this site should be shut down and the idea of this being a religous sight should be shut down. Oh and another thing all you dumb ass writers need to stop making so many jokes cause they are killing me.

gotta love anonymous reader (none / 0) (#8)
by Husaria on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 05:12:37 PM PST
he cant spell!
Sig sigger

Let's see... (none / 0) (#10)
by tkatchev on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 10:49:05 PM PST you believe that a horned demon that breathes fire is a "saviour", while you don't believe in Christ because "God is disproven by science"? How cute. Do you also engage in live-action role-playing games? You know, where you run around with your peers swinging wooden sticks, pretending that they are swords?

Peace and much love...

Have you ever seen Satan? (none / 0) (#28)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 08:23:20 PM PST
How would you know what he/she/it looks like?
and i dont think that 3,000+ year old book has any truth in it what so ever

RE: Britney Spears is a Man (none / 0) (#9)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 08:34:22 PM PST
What in the hell are you people on??? You only did this to draw attention to yourselves ( or Steve, whoever the hell that is!) Did you ever think just HOW many young teenagers & kids you hurt by doing this???
Evidently, whoever wrote this, has never been with a woman, or they could tell a real one such as Britney! And as far as Justin goes....I guess you'd "know", huh..>>>>"First hand, eh?"
IN CASE YOU DIDN"T KNOW< BRITNET & JUSTIN ARE PLANNING TO MARRY>>>>> You are a sick bunch of schmuks to ever even done this to her fans AND his fans!
I should report your asses...

Denial (none / 0) (#14)
by MessiahWWKD on Sat Jan 5th, 2002 at 09:08:13 AM PST
What in the hell are you people on??? You only did this to draw attention to yourselves ( or Steve, whoever the hell that is!) Did you ever think just HOW many young teenagers & kids you hurt by doing this???

The truth does hurt, but after the pain subsides, the children will have become wiser.
IN CASE YOU DIDN"T KNOW<BRITNET & JUSTIN ARE PLANNING TO MARRY>>>>> You are a sick bunch of schmuks to ever even done this to her fans AND his fans!

In America, it is illegal for homosexuals to marry.
Guardian angel, heavenly friend, walk with me 'til the journey's end.

Interesting article... (4.00 / 2) (#12)
by error27 on Sat Jan 5th, 2002 at 02:14:54 AM PST
Most fans, though, hate her music and prefer to look at her videos rather than listen to her CD's.

This may be true, but I think it's sad. Britney has a great voice and her music is generally good as well. Songs like "Oops, I did it again" have inane lyrics, I'll grant you that, but for me it's easy to simply pretend they are in a foreign language.

Often though, I find myself feeling sorry for Britney. She is too young to know what she wants. I can't imagine that she was in it for the money when she first started performing. But at some point someone realized Britney could them a lot of money if she was "targetted" for younger audiences. She doesn't write her own songs and I doubt she chooses her own outfits. Yet she finds herself at the center of bitter controversy regardless. If Britney was a part of band instead of a solo act then she could at least have someone who could share some of the preasure.

Now, of course, it's too late. None of the pr droids who run Britney's life will go home until they have sucked every last dollar they can out of her act. How does it end? In a break down of some sort, probably drug or alcohol related.

When the break down happens people will be shocked and question why... proving once again that most people are idiots.

I can't comment on whether Britney is a she-man, I doubt it and I shall enjoy her music whatever the case may be.

Don't feel too badly for her, error27... (none / 0) (#18)
by marko on Sun Jan 6th, 2002 at 02:03:22 AM PST
IANABF (I Am Not A Britney Fan)

From the last interview I read of Britney, it sounds like she is having a whale of a time doing what she loves, and able to leave it when/if she has had enough.

She is starting to have input into her own songs and gets people to shop for clothes for her after she has shown them what she likes. She then gets to choose the clothes she wants to wear from what they have bought. It's a big time saver.

Once again, Adequacy, you have outdone yourselves :)

You're one of a kind, but you're not alone.

Don't believe everything you see on TV (none / 0) (#19)
by error27 on Sun Jan 6th, 2002 at 04:44:13 AM PST
Of course she seems happy on TV, what do you expect her to say? That she regrets being pushed into marketing herself for a pre-teen audience? That it hurts to be hated by so many of her peers?

Britney's newer stuff is an effort to change her image but her PR masters didn't tell her that this was going to be nearly impossible to do. That they never cared about her art or about her at all. To them she is a pay check.

The mere fact that Britney talks about quiting means that she thinks about it from time to time.

In theory, it would be easy for her to quit. She would just have to fire the hundreds of people who depend on her. But Britney strikes me as the kind of person that is easilly bullied into making descisions. She acts tougher now than she used to but I think she is not as tough as she pretends to be.

I hope what Britney said is true. I hope she is having a great time. That she can quit when she gets tired of it all. But I do not believe it.

I think you'd be surprised (none / 0) (#21)
by marko on Mon Jan 7th, 2002 at 02:18:45 AM PST
For a start, I haven't seen her on TV, only read an interview.

Do you know people who don't think too much? You know, the happy ones? The ones who don't get upset by thinking about the future. The ones who enjoy life as it is because they don't mind working hard at doing what they enjoy?

Reply to this if her life goes down the gurgler like a flock of Mariahs, but I've got a funny feeling that she is not plagued with thinking too much, and hence unburdened by bad thoughts about how much a load of bullshit the music industry really is.

Regards dude!

You're one of a kind, but you're not alone.

"it would be easy for her to quit" (none / 0) (#25)
by Nobody on Wed Jan 9th, 2002 at 06:23:04 AM PST
She could but I'll guess she'd lose loads of money.

Many pop artists sign multi-album deals, so they're a bit shafted unless they make, for example, 7 consistently successful albums.

the younger years of her.. (none / 0) (#13)
by fiz on Sat Jan 5th, 2002 at 04:15:24 AM PST
that's all bullshit, she was in the mickey mouse club as a little girl, i've seen here plenty of times, also saw her singing

are you saying she was born a boy and posed as a girl all her life from ages 5 up and her parents helped her? Riiiiiiiiiight, that's a little too far-fetched for me

There's only one way to settlle this (5.00 / 2) (#16)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jan 5th, 2002 at 01:59:45 PM PST
You fail to take into account the very real possibility that the little girl named "Britney Spears" that you saw as a child is a different person from the adult popstar "Britney Spears". It does not prove anything just because they share the same name .

The simple fact of the matter is until Ms./Mr. Spears agrees to release anatomically detailed nude photos of herself to the public, speculation about her actual gender will continue.

Yes (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by Winter on Sat Jan 5th, 2002 at 02:23:46 PM PST
You see, i've met her (she prefers to be referred to as female, of course) and she explained everything. She was born a man and recruited by a secret organization for transgendered people (A.K.A. The Mickey Mouse Club) and brought up in that environment. When she began going through puberty, the drugs that were being fed to her caused *ahem* growth. Later, if you remember the not-so-infamous boob-job scandal, she got the whole operation. Sadly, however, the MMM's plan to use her to make transgendered people less "camp" was foiled by the IOfHBBCS (a gay boy band group) and she is now being pawned off to one J. Timberlake in an effort to keep her quiet.
This information was cost the life of three spies, keep it well.

Look at her in the new Rolling Stone. (4.00 / 1) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jan 7th, 2002 at 04:56:34 PM PST
If that's a man, that will be the first and only man in history to ever make me want to switch fence sides. Spectacular.

ROFLMAO! (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jan 8th, 2002 at 06:30:33 AM PST
haha, Britney Spears is a bitch that has no talent! She depends on her looks for her fans! Justin Timberlake makes me SICK. they are all stupid. LOL YES Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are HOMOSEXUL GAY QUEER FAGGOTS!! LOL!!

You Know Damn Right! (none / 0) (#29)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 08:25:20 PM PST

I want my hacked FBI file! (none / 0) (#24)
by KingAzzy on Tue Jan 8th, 2002 at 02:56:08 PM PST
OT, I know, but the author mentioning pulling up hacked data from the FBI made me wonder: How does one go about finding out what sort of dirt the stinky FBI has accumulated on you? Is this available through freedom of information?

muchas gracias and FUCK SLASHDOT

A new Mission Statement (none / 0) (#27)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jan 29th, 2002 at 11:49:58 PM PST
I don't know about the rest of you but I think that frist section (ending with the line "Steve was going to prove to the world that pop star Britney Spears is a man.") should be the new Mission Statement)


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