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My favorite
Global Underground 21 - Moscow 18%
Fortune Cookies 0%
Night Sessions 0%
American Roots Music 6%
Lenny 6%
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone 25%
Hits-Chapter One 6%
Christmas Memories 0%
Invincible 0%
Anything by Bob Newhart 37%

Votes: 16

 This week's top-selling music releases

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 31, 2001
Beginning today, Adequacy is pleased to introduce an exciting new feature for our web site. We held a board meeting (oddly, I was the only one in attendance), and voted unanimously create a new section - Adequacy Music Reviews. As you might have guessed, I was chosen to head up this new department, until such a time as I am no longer interested in doing it (current estimates have my tenure lasting somewhere between 3 and 4 days).

Granted, Adequacy has always brought you timely music news and opinion from a wide variety of view points, but I will be taking a different approach. Since we live in a capitalist world, and since capitalism dictates that what is truly worthwhile is that which sells the most, I will only be reviewing the Top 9(?) selling new releases on


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#9: Deep Dish Global Underground 21 - Moscow - The bottom of the top this week is yet another entry in the always exciting field of continuous DJ dance mixes. I haven't heard anything from this album yet, but I really don't need to, either. As we all know, this sort of music is all about taking drugs, and when you're good and fucked up you won't much care what's spinning anyway. The 2nd hand bin in your local music shop is guaranteed to be overflowing with dozens of these things, and I see no need to shell out the $18.97 Amazon is asking when you can have something that sounds exactly the same for under $5.00.

#8: Alana Davis Fortune Cookies - I had never heard of this artist before today. Apparently she has been releasing albums since 1997, but I guess I missed them all. I was going to give a few tracks a listen until I saw that all the songs had really lame titles like I Want You, A Chance With You, and God Of Love. This is obviously chick music, and I would rather not sully my speakers with it.

#7: Chris Botti Night Sessions - Holy sweet mother of god, it's The Son of Chuck Mangione! Ok, not really, but this is "light jazz" so let's just move right along, shall we?

#6: Various Artists American Roots Music - The Various Artists have had a stunningly long and successful career, spanning literally every genre of music ever created. This outing from them is a 4 disc boxed set of "roots music" which unfortunately sounds like they were trying to emulate Bob Dylan's early, formative years. Maybe if these folks had kept at it a little longer they could have developed these tracks into quality modern folk music, but I'm afraid it is all just too raw in its current form.

#5: Lenny Kravitz Lenny - From 1972-1978 Bob Newhart was the star of a wildly popular situation comedy called The Bob Newhart Show. After a short break, Mr. Newhart returned to television with an even more popular show titled simply Newhart (there's a little bit of Larry, Darryl & Darryl in all of us, you know). Eight years later Mr. Newhart took another brief sabbatical before launching his third situation comedy. Attempting to capitalize on his previous efforts, this one was named just plain Bob. Unfortunately, Bob bombed in the ratings, and Mr. Newhart has spent the past 9 years effectively unemployed.

#4: John Williams, Various Artists Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - Finally a bit of music for us Muggles! No doubt this album will be played quite a bit around ol' Hogwart's this session. We can thank John Williams (accompanied by the still prolific Various Artists) for providing us with musical magic that will ward off even the most dastardly deeds of Lord Voldemort.

#3: Backstreet Boys Hits-Chapter One - This is a somewhat melancholy moment for us Backstreet Boys fans. Sure, all the great songs that provided the backdrop to our slumber parties and gossip sessions are here, but the release of a Greatest Hits album can mean only one thing - AJ, Nick, Howie, Brian and Kevin are all grown up now, and soon we will be too. Still, we can take comfort in knowing that this is only Chapter One, implying that the Boys will be equally adept at the next stage of their careers as they have been with the first, and that we will have many more Greatest Hits compilations to look forward to in the future.

#2: Barbra Streisand Christmas Memories - Oh please, you must be kidding me! Fuck that Yentl bitch and the nose she rode in on.

#1: Michael Jackson Invincible - That's right, holding the number one spot this week is none other than the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson. Funny thing is, a lot of people seem to think the King is all washed up. This isn't surprising to those of us who have followed the Gloved One's career, of course. And it's not the hyperbaric oxygen chambers and child molestation scandals that's wrecking it, either. You see, we have always relied on black musicians to push the boundaries of cutting edge pop music, from jazz to rock to rap. Since Michael is no longer black, he is also no longer relevant, and from a pop music standpoint that means he can just moonwalk his Thrillin' ass stage left and Beat It back to Neverland.


Barbara Streisand. (none / 0) (#1)
by tkatchev on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 12:58:09 AM PST
"Barbara Streisand: Christmas Memories" -- That is truly hilarious. And, incidentally, very denigrating to the Jewish folks.

O.B. Michael Jackson -- my god, that man (?) looks horrible. When I saw him for the first time (on T.V.) in about 6-7 years, I was truly horrified. Seriously, that was a truly hellish sight. I'm the antithesis of a squeamish person, but the sight was truly frightening.

Peace and much love...

Smooth Criminal (3.00 / 1) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 04:47:29 AM PST
You think you were horrified? I saw him naked!

- a 10 year old boy

ashamed (none / 0) (#6)
by philipm on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 07:47:44 AM PST
dude, stop it, that is so wrong.
Stop making fun of michael!!!!!!
He is a sweet and sensitive caring gracious man.

Besides, he gave me candy.

-- 11 year old boy.


Interesting (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 12:12:40 PM PST
Would you like some more candy?

-- Patrick Naughton

You might want to know... (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by tkatchev on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 12:17:59 PM PST
...that Adequacy logs your IP address so that we can report unlawful and immoral activities to the FBI.

Peace and much love...

"we"? (5.00 / 1) (#11)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 01:53:34 PM PST
When exactly did you get hired on?

Hold on... (none / 0) (#16)
by tkatchev on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 02:29:09 AM PST
...they get paid for this, erhm, job?

Peace and much love...

trollitarianist? (none / 0) (#17)
by philipm on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 04:28:03 AM PST
so are you like a real rusian?

You know, with the vodka and the fish and the smelly hat?


What the fuck... (none / 0) (#18)
by tkatchev on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 05:28:54 AM PST
What the fuck does the fish have to do with anything??? Methinks you are a bit confused. You are an American, yes?

P.S. For the record: Yes, of course I am a real Russian. Why would I fake something like that? Do you (as an American) find it hard to believe that there are people who live outside of the U.S.?

Peace and much love...

just curious (none / 0) (#19)
by philipm on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 06:13:01 AM PST
just curious.

How did you get to be such a free thinker?

Sometimes I think that when a Russian says "talk", he really means "troll".
Usually they don't know any better.

The interesting part is that they tend to believe themselves.


Whatever. (none / 0) (#20)
by tkatchev on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 06:54:12 AM PST
Just because youê mind can only think in black-and-white categories ("troll", "not troll", "believes", "doesn't believe", etc.) doesn't mean that the rest of the world does.

Besides, the most effective trolls are those that have a bit of honesty in them. (And, likewise, the best argument is one that has a bit of troll in it.)

Peace and much love...

Which intelligence organization do you work for ? (none / 0) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 09:09:16 AM PST
MI5 ? MI6 ?

KGB. (-) (none / 0) (#24)
by tkatchev on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 11:04:19 AM PST

Peace and much love...

Huh? (none / 0) (#26)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 02:08:26 PM PST
Wait a minute. I thought Adequacy had a strict "no trolling" policy. Doesn't that mean that the best trolls are the ones that were deleted?

comerade! (none / 0) (#27)
by philipm on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 02:36:40 PM PST
yes yes, russians often tend to accuse others of thinking that things are black and white.

Really they are living in the dark, and for them, everything is black and white.


FBI Handles Immoral Crimes? (none / 0) (#28)
by egg troll on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 07:32:42 PM PST
Since when does the FBI handle things that immoral? Will the G-Men come bust down my door because I'm cheating on my wife? Christ, I'm fucked!!

Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

no thanks mister (none / 0) (#13)
by philipm on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 03:04:33 PM PST
mo thanks mister, i got plenty for haloween.
What else you got?

-- 11 year old boy


Let me see (none / 0) (#21)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 07:20:59 AM PST
Ummm.... How about 12,753 unsold copies of Java 2 -- The Complete Reference? --Patrick Naughton

A theory about Mr Jackson (none / 0) (#4)
by hauntedattics on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 07:34:46 AM PST
Based on his picture on the new album, I suggest that Michael Jackson is attempting to reengineer himself as an attractive white woman. And I think "reengineer" is the operative word here...

Last time I checked, (none / 0) (#5)
by tkatchev on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 07:41:20 AM PST
the engineers forgot to bolt on a jawbone. Ick.

Peace and much love...

Sorry (none / 0) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 08:15:33 AM PST
It's "Barbra Streisand". I imagine she will next change her name to "Barba Streisand", then "Barba Steisand", "Barba Stand", "Baba Sand" and so on until her name has no syllables left.

DIY is the way forward (none / 0) (#2)
by dmg on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 04:06:55 AM PST
Deep Dish Global Underground 21 - Moscow

Indeed, your review was spot on. In fact, there is no need to hunt through the bargain bins at your local record store. Simply download some software such as reason or Jeskola Buzz or get your mate to give you a cracked version of Cubase or Logic and away you go. You will be 'mashing up the place' in no time flat.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

AUDIO SOFTWARE (none / 0) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 02:20:02 PM PST
Better than Cubase is the music industries leading music software: ProTools. There is a free downloadable version available at

The new ANTHRAX album was recorded, mixed and mastered in ProTools.

Protools vs the rest (none / 0) (#14)
by TopCat on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 08:26:32 PM PST
Protools is a brilliant piece of software but only useful at home if you're a sound engineer. Cubase is more for the musicians who just want to record stuff and not worry about the production side of things. I use both.

I forgot a couple (none / 0) (#25)
by dmg on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 12:33:31 PM PST
Fruity Loops is specifically designed for producing the headache inducing homosexual dance music known as 'deep house'. Then for all you Fat Boy Slim wannabees out there you have skip to my loops.

For any budding Vanilla Ices there is Hip Hop Ejay

All of these are pretty much dance music by numbers. (I cannot imagine why such unimaginative tools might appeal to anyone here).

Of course if you are really not tech-savvy you could always learn to play an instrument.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

Lenny (none / 0) (#8)
by FreemoreJohnson on Thu Nov 1st, 2001 at 09:01:20 AM PST
Lenny Kravitz and Bob Newhart... I get it, (I think), but close the loop for us next time.

Don't drag the rest of us down (5.00 / 1) (#23)
by sardu on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 09:58:21 AM PST
Perhaps you should read this site using a slower connection from now on. Just a suggestion.

Hey (none / 0) (#29)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Nov 3rd, 2001 at 03:37:37 AM PST
Perhaps you should visit this site, using hell from now on. Just a suggestion.

Poll (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 12:37:29 AM PST
Okay, so, pretend you are going to be banished to hell for eternity (and if you're reading this site, you probably are), and will be forced to listen to one of these recordings for ever and ever: number 8, 7, 5, 3, 2, or 1 - you may not choose numbers 9, 6, and 4, as they would not be painful enough - which would you choose?

I choose number 3, Backstreet Boys Greatest Hits, because spending an eternity seething with hatred of the 'Boys might take my mind off the hoplessness of eternal damnation.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw yeah (0.00 / 1) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Nov 3rd, 2001 at 05:38:37 PM PST
I'm chillin'... like a villain...

And serving MC's (none / 0) (#31)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 5th, 2001 at 12:18:16 PM PST
like a pound of bacon, no doubt


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