Theater Review: My Fair Lady

London's theatreland has many plays and musicals on offer to the discerning culture vulture such as myself. Rather than wade through pages and pages of reviews, I called Ticketmaster and asked them for two tickets to the most popular show in the West End. This turned out to be "My Fair Lady". I paid my 25 English Pounds for my two tickets (about $100 US at current rates or thereabouts, I still cannot understand the antiquated system of pounds and shillings used in the UK). So far, so good. The agent on the phone was courteous and polite, the tickets would be waiting for me at the box office later that evening.

Later that evening I made my way to Drury Lane via Temple tube station. The tube journey was pleasant enough compared to the NYC subway, however the station announcers were incomprehensible. I have come to expect this of Londoners, they are hard to understand at the best of times.

We arrived at the Theatre Royal (note, this is an intentional mis-spelling of Theater, that's how they spell it in England! LOL!) and went to collect our tickets. This went smoothly, I stood in a box office queue, (queueing is endemic in Britain, its like their national sport) and was directed to a small booth where I signed the credit card slip, and was issued with my tickets. This was when things started to go wrong. "Go outside and turn left" the box-office attendant said brusquely. Apparently the tickets I had bought at an extortionate price, were not good enough to entitle me and my date to enter through the main entrance! Taken aback, I followed the instructions and entered via the side entrance as directed. A surly British teenager collected our tickets, and then I was confronted with the second shock of my evening. Apparently I was expected to climb about 300 stairs to get to the 'Upper Balcony' where our seats were situated. I realise that the Theatre Royal is an old building, but surely they could have installed an elevator, come on guys, I know you like to keep things "quaint" and "historic" but this is ridiculous. I could have had a heart attack climbing those stairs. But wait, it gets worse... At the top of the stairs there is a woman selling drinks and snacks. My date needed a drink after all that unanticipated strenuous exercise, so I got her a bottle of mineral water. It was one pound fifty shillings! that works out at around $10 in real money.

Having bought the mineral water it was time for us to take our seats. This was the third shock of the evening for me. We had to make our way down an extremely steep staircase, so steep in fact that another theatergoer had a panic attack half way down. When we got to the seats they turned out to be narrow, with very little legroom, and quite uncomfortable. Much like a coach class airline seat, but worse, if you can imagine that.

Then the show started. There was a lot of singing and dancing, and then it was time for the interval.

I was ready for a drink by now, after sitting in that seat for over an hour with the guy next to me constantly encroaching into my personal space. We made our way to one of the theater's bars. It took a while to get served. The bar was tiny and the range of drinks on offer was limited. I had a Grolsch beer, and my date had a red wine. The bill for this came to 7 British pounds (about $50 US). I was outraged. Fortunately one does not have to tip bartenders in the UK - due to Socialism, they are legally required to be paid a living wage. Anyway we drank our drinks, and made our way back to our cramped and uncomfortable seats.

More singing, more dancing, and the show was over. So its time to leave the theater. This time, we had to climb down the 300 stairs in the company of thousands of other theatergoers. Not only that, when we got to Covent Garden tube station, it was packed with the entire contents of the Theatre Royal plus a whole load of people from the Royal Opera House. We decided to take an alternative route back to our hotel.

All in all, I would recommend this show, but be warned, if you suffer from vertigo, or if you are not a malnourished European, you may find the Theatre Royal a bit uncomfortable.

	Thanks for the exchange rate info. (none / 0) (#2)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 07:21:30 AM PST

	It appears that, from your article, a Briton like myself can enjoy a 2-week holiday in New York with first class flights and accommodation for roughly £50, which happily is about 2 hours wages for me. That's what I call a 'strong pound'. Perhaps you ought to consider relocating to Britain. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	My bad (none / 0) (#3)
	by dmg on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 07:38:55 AM PST

	You will notice I used the word "about" whenever I mentioned exchange rates. I was trying to give a guideline for potential visitors to the UK. It sure is a hell of a lot more expensive over there than it is here in NYC. Have you ever got a cab in London ? In New York cabs are about 1/3 the price of London, plus they know where they are going, most of the time. The London "Cabbys" are a law unto themselves, taking the most tortuous routes in order to extract a larger fare from the unsuspecting American tourist. I've started to learn the awful "cockney" accent in order to prevent this kind of rip-off. time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration. -- MC Hawking

	Make yourself aware. (none / 0) (#4)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 07:48:41 AM PST

	Didn't you know that all London cabbies take a mandatory detour via the Euston district to bump up their fare? I prefer to take the Underground from Dollis Hill loop, perform a 3-way shunting manouver to Green Park (scoring double on the Greens and Parks rules), then on to Tottenham Court Road (pre-1930 rules) and onward to Warren St which usually means sweet victory is mine for the... sorry, I got a little distracted there. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	That's cheating (none / 0) (#14)
	by walwyn on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 12:53:23 PM PST

	You can't use the 'greens and parks rules' at the same time as the 'pre-1930's rules' unless your playing the 'Littleton variation', but your obviously not doing so because the 'Littleton variation' specifically states that the 3-way shunting manouver is banned. Perhaps you should get a clue.

	It's worse than that... (5.00 / 1) (#16)
	by iat on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 04:16:34 PM PST

	None of the stations he mentions are even on the official tube map. Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

	How silly of me. (none / 0) (#17)
	by walwyn on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 05:02:02 PM PST

	I'd forgot that by playing the Littleton variation, you have to use the official map, unless you get delayed at Janet Street Porter, in which case you can use the alternative map.

	For you, zee game is over. (none / 0) (#18)
	by because it isnt on Wed Jul 10th, 2002 at 12:52:00 AM PST

	Das amtliche Diagramm ist hier. Und... Morgenburg Halbmond! adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	Ahhhh! (none / 0) (#19)
	by walwyn on Wed Jul 10th, 2002 at 01:34:16 AM PST

	Excellent move there, the old 'Albert Speers' gambit if I'm not mistaken. Well done! I was expecting you to regroup in Poland first.

	Ah, yes -- Hitler. (none / 0) (#23)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 11th, 2002 at 03:26:27 AM PST

	Now not many people know this, but Der Füaut;rher was an avid fan of the game. He made it from his local club to the qualifying stages of the 1927 International Championships, where he was sadly knocked out by Mrs Trellis (then Ms Fairfax) and her cat. Some people say it was this defeat that caused him to annihilate 6 million innocent Jewish people, but it was more likely that he did this because he was a tyrannical butcher, full of hatred and evil and lacking in any respect for humanity.

	Others (none / 0) (#24)
	by walwyn on Thu Jul 11th, 2002 at 05:15:10 AM PST

	say that these 6 million deaths are a figment of history, a smoke screen to hide the fact that Ms Fairfax was in fact a young Billy Rushton in drag. That the bossoms that had so captivated Herr Hitler were actually cunningly disguised radio receivers used to pass advanced tactics on to Billy.

	You can find (none / 0) (#26)
	by walwyn on Thu Jul 11th, 2002 at 12:10:18 PM PST

	references to it in TS Eliot's poems, but what is really spooky are the correspondences in Shaw's Pygmalion.

	There is evidence all around the world. (none / 0) (#28)
	by because it isnt on Sun Jul 14th, 2002 at 06:34:23 AM PST

	It has been noted that many ancient Egyptian heiroglpyhics contain instructions to the effect of making a triangulation on the Metropolitan line to put the game in Nip at Baker Street. The interesting thing is that Baker Street only became populated in 1438, so perhaps the Game has some spiritual link with the Gods? Of course, the game has been known to be played since Roman times, as can be seen on many mosaics in the British Museum. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	Actual excange rate for those who care (none / 0) (#21)
	by Pseudo on Wed Jul 10th, 2002 at 01:37:23 PM PST

	for anyone who really gives a damn the current exchange rate of dollars to pounds is 0.64587. The US dollar has been consitantly loosing value Vrs. the GBD all year and is expected to continue for the next three months. I say that mean that there will never be a worst time to institue rainbow colored currency! love psuedo

	Planet Angel link (none / 0) (#5)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 08:16:20 AM PST

	Isn't that that scummy club that loads of limies on Wank5est go to and inject drugs? Why would you advertise it here on this godfearing site and inavertently lure innocent american tourists there.

	And the strangest thing of all (none / 0) (#25)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 11th, 2002 at 07:01:04 AM PST

	is that the radio emissions were traced to the cat's tail.

	Sorry... [n/t] (none / 0) (#22)
	by because it isnt on Wed Jul 10th, 2002 at 05:05:39 PM PST

	adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	speaking of awful cockernee accents... (none / 0) (#6)
	by Mr Somebody on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 08:20:50 AM PST

	that Jade off Big Brother, she makes my ears bleed

	Well, (none / 0) (#7)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 10:38:42 AM PST

	if you can't shut her up by wedging your horsecock in her whore's mouth, I guess you'll have to settle for the mute button on your TV.

	You mean like (none / 0) (#8)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 03:20:44 PM PST

	"I still cannot understand the antiquated system of pounds and shillings used in the UK" You mean like the just as old and antiquated IMPERIAL system of miles, feet and inches, that everyone in the backwards US uses. As opposed to the newer metric system of kilometers and meters that the rest of the world uses. You are right, I cannot understand it either.

	Actually, (none / 0) (#9)
	by because it isnt on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 07:17:55 PM PST

	the United States use "US Standard" weights and measures, which are not identical to the old British "Imperial" weights and measures. See here, for example. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	Yes. (none / 0) (#10)
	by flowers on Mon Jul 8th, 2002 at 09:15:32 PM PST

	I think the United States should be commended for its arrogance and egocentricity. I just don't understand why they are still using the same year month day hour minute second system of time, the same degree minute second system of angular measurement, and the same latin alphabet as the rest of the world. Of course, America does have some of its own measures. There are American gallons and American tons, for example. I suspect it's only a matter of time before there is American PI. --- I have unprotected sex with multiple anonymous partners.

	Yes! (5.00 / 1) (#11)
	by because it isnt on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 01:19:51 AM PST

	I suspect it's only a matter of time before there is American PI. What, like Tom Selleck? adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	Actually.... (5.00 / 1) (#15)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 01:40:53 PM PST

	A new value of pi was proposed by Dr. Edwin Goodwin, who may or may not be related to Adequacy's own, Dr. Edwin R. Goodwin, who, among other things, posted a story about a report that Microsoft Products were better for your health

	I never realised Americans were so poor... (none / 0) (#13)
	by gordonjcp on Tue Jul 9th, 2002 at 08:54:19 AM PST

	Things are expensive in the UK, but going by your exchange rates, I get paid about $20,000 per month. Think I'll go on holiday to the US. Bear in mind that London is quite an expensive place to visit. Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, it's full of Londoners.

	It's only expensive if you're from a cheap country (none / 0) (#20)
	by 91degrees on Wed Jul 10th, 2002 at 01:25:00 PM PST

	Unlike certain other nations, those of us in the UK put in a whole days work, and are rewarded appropriately. Its easy for those of us who actually work for a living to afford those prices that you claim are so ridiculous. USians think they can get an easy ride by only spending part of their time working, and spending the rest of the time hanging around talking to co-workers. Judging by TV series like friends, and the Simpsons, the average American puts in something like a 3 hour day twice a week. No wonder you guys can never afford anything. As for the seats - Nobody I know has a problem with them. Most of my friends consider them more than adequate, and some of these friends are quite large. Perhaps if you lived in a country where stairs aren't considered something to fear, and actually combined some everyday activities with exercise, you would fit in your chairs a bit better.

	My Fair Lady Review or Theatre Review? (none / 0) (#27)
	by bug on Sun Jul 14th, 2002 at 03:20:38 AM PST

	Sorry am i missing something, did you not say you were giving us a review on My Fair Lady? However i did enjoy your review on the Theare Royal. Buy the way youe phone is off hook.

	As it says in the title: (none / 0) (#29)
	by because it isnt on Sun Jul 14th, 2002 at 06:36:34 AM PST

	"Thaetre Review" [sic, American spelling], not "Show Review". Why are you looking at my phone, you hacker pervert? adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	London Tube (none / 0) (#30)
	by jbryce on Sun Jul 14th, 2002 at 08:26:26 AM PST

	> Later that evening I made my way to Drury Lane > via Temple tube station. The tube journey was > pleasant enough compared to the NYC subway, I hate to imagine what the NYC subway is like if it makes the Tube look pleasant.