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Which is better ?
USA 34%
United Kingdom of England 65%

Votes: 44

 A Guide to the United Kingdom for Americans.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 08, 2002
Despite the tragic events of 9/11, life still goes on. Some of us have jobs which involve international travel, to places far and wide, such as Europe, and England.

As if we don't have enough to worry about with the war on terror, and our highly pressurized jobs, business travel forces us to confront a foreign culture, something us Americans are seldom prepared for. Which is why I have written a brief business traveller's guide to the UK.


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Its a huge country, and some (including myself) would say, the best in the world. Most of us (around 90%) will never need to leave the safety and security of the USA at any point in our lives. This article is not for you lucky ones.

Some of us, usually for career related reasons, will find ourselves forced by our employer to travel abroad, to foreign countries, in order to do business with the foreigners.

In this article, I will be explaining the culture and lifestyles of the inhabitants of the United Kingdom (Also known as England, Britain, the UK, the British Isles, etc etc). I will use my own experiences to give you an insight into their habits, and helpful tips to ensure you business trip runs as smoothly as possible.

The best way to cope with your business trip to the United Kingdom (or UK as I shall refer to it from now on) is to remember that you are going to be in a FOREIGN COUNTRY packed full of FOREIGNERS and they DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. This is a key factor to bear in mind. When you see something that is just flat-out wrong, you may be tempted to offer some constructive criticism, e.g. "you guys should drive on the right side of the road!". Don't do it. The foreigners will probably not be grateful for your advice. Just remember that you are in a FOREIGN country, and thank God that you will soon be back home in America.

So on to the culture of the UK. I have divided this guide up into sections to make it easier to digest. Hopefully most of what I write will be common sense!

If any of you out there have been to the UK and have any other suggestions, please feel free to post them in the comment section. Perhaps this can become the definitive "Internet Guide" to England.

  • Accomodation
    The main problem here is that the British as a race are incapable of doing plumbing. You would have thought that they would learn from the various countries around the world which have mastered the art, but the famous British arrogance means that they still use iron-age plumbing techniques and stone-age materials. A typical English hotel will have a tiny room called a bathroom (usually no larger than a small closet) containing a bath, a sink, a shower and a lavatory. You will soon find that the shower offers insufficient pressure to drown an ant, and the lavatory will only flush if you get the wrist action exactly right. You will also be amazed that air-conditioning is effected by opening a window!.

    My tip - Britain has lots of American hotel chains who understand the needs of the international business traveller. Try and stay at a Hilton or Marriot. Most UK towns and cities have them.

  • Food and Drink
    One of the things that makes for a pleasant stay in the UK is trying to fit in with the local culture. Food and Drink is one of the main ways in which a culture expresses itself, and the UK is no exception. From Fish and Chips, to Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding, from Pie and Mash to Jellied Eels, you will be a hit with the locals should you decide to eat like them.

    On the other hand, I personally find UK food disgusting, unpalatable, unhealthy, and overpriced.

    My tip - fortunately for us, good old American cuisine is readily available on most English high streets in the form of McDonald's, Burger King, TGI Friday's, In-and-Out Burger, Fatburger, Wendy's, Arby's, Taco Bell, Sizzler, Fuddrucker's, White Castle etc etc. If you ignore the extortionate prices, you could almost be at home.

    The thing to remember about foreigners is that they have a completely different attitude to drink than we do. In the UK, it is legal for a five year old child to have a glass of wine with his/her meal. Such horrifying liquor laws are probably the reason that the subjects of Her Majesty tend to be alcohol abusers.

    Its not uncommon in a business setting for a group of co-workers to go to a "pub" and drink several pints of beer in a very short space of time. None of this meets with any sort of disapproval whatsoever, indeed in the City of London, such lack of self-control seems to be positively celebrated.

    My tip - if you have occasion to attend such an after-work bonding session, the only advice I can give you is to pretend you are allergic to alcohol. Otherwise you risk being found slumped in a pool of your own vomit outside Liverpool Street station at 11:30pm, minus your mobile phone and wallet. Believe it or not, your imbecile foreign co-workers will find this amusing.

  • Making yourself understood
    One of the good points about the UK, is that they speak our language. American is understood by most British people. Unfortunately, the English tend to speak it with quite a thick accent which to the untrained ear can be quite hard to understand. My tip here is to practice listening to their way of speaking before you leave home. Rent a couple of DVDs with English people in them, I recommend "Notting Hill", "Four Weddings and a Funeral" "The Italian Job" and "Mary Poppins". The latter title is essential should you intend doing business anywhere in the East of London, where a dialect of English known as "Cockney Rhyming" is the only language spoken.

    You could also look up some British slang on the Internet to avoid any embarrassment when offered a cigarette (which is invariably referred to as a "faggot" or "fag" in Britain!).

    Another thing to remember is to speak up. It is a fact that British people like to avoid conversation (that famous British reserve). You don't have time for that bullcrap, you are on business and time is money, so speak very loudly and don't give them the chance to pretend they haven't heard you.

  • Healthcare
    Britain is a "first world" country with a "third world" health service. Despite an annual investment by the taxpayer of around $500bn if you need medical treatment in the UK, you will have to join a so-called "waiting list". This means you could be waiting up to 5 years for major surgery. This is the case whether or not you have travel insurance. Make sure your policy allows you to fly home for treatment.

  • Dental treatment
    Whilst Britain is a modern country on the face of it, it still lags behind America in several key areas. One such area is oral hygeine. British dentists must be amongst the poorest, most underworked professionals anywhere in the Western world. Most English people have teeth a bit like "Austin Powers" or Shane McGowan of the Welsh band "The Pouges". As a result of this, the dentists in the UK do not know what to do when confronted with a set of pearly white, uniformly straight American teeth.

    My tip - on the whole, its better to see if your health insurance will pay to fly you to France or Switzerland for your dental work should it be necessary during your UK stay.

  • Sex and Romance
    This is a difficult area. American women will be frustrated (or perhaps relieved) to find out that over 70% of British males are in fact, homosexual. This is due to their segregated school system with the "faggorty" system whereby sodomy is considered a healthy normal part of every teenage male's education. Combine this with the famous reticence and stiff-upper-lip of the remaining 30% of British males who are hetero, and you have a recipe for between-the-sheets disaster.

    My tip - to American women - Forget it. Try and sublimate your sex-drive into your work. There is next to no chance that you will achieve copulation with a British male. In the event that you do, it will likely be a big disappointment. Most British males are not circumcized which means they cannot last very long, and suffer from all the other health problems being uncircumcized brings.

    For the American man however, things are a bit better. Because of the homsexuality and reticence of the British male, the English females are likely to appreciate your firm heterosexual qualities, and indeed are highly likely to "put out" on a first date. However, the British female is not as attractive as the American woman, due to her poor dental hygeine, her grating accent, and her tendancy toward alcoholism (shared by both sexes in the UK). For this reason, you may want to try to date a foreign student instead. The West End of London is literally crawling with top-quality student babes from around the world. With all that talent on offer, you should not need to sample the native offerings.

  • Manners and Ettiquette
    Another intriguing aspect of visiting a foreign culture with its alien ways of doing things is the day-to-day manners and ettiquette which prevails.

    You may think that as an American that you have little to learn about manners, and you would be right, but as with all things, the devil is in the details.

    For example, in America it's perfectly acceptable to let a door slam in a woman's face, after all they have equal rights, and no woman is holding doors open for men, right ?. The UK is different. The British women or "ladies" (as they prefer to be called) have trained their men to perform all kinds of tasks for them. So you will be expected to hold doors open, lift heavy objects, and remove insects and spiders at the drop of a hat should an English "lady" request it of you.

    Fortunately as an American, you are outside the archaic "class system", so you can freely chat to people without first determining how to address them.

    My tip - practice saying "please" and "thank you" and "sorry". These three phrases characterize almost every social exchange you will have in the UK. When the British are not grovelling, they are apologizing. It's quite quaint once you get used to it. Although the constant politeness can slow the pace of a business meeting to a snail's pace. Here's a hint, as an American you will be expected to be blunt, rude, and get straight to the point. Use this fact to your advantage and you will save a lot of time.

  • Money
    The British are part of the European Union, but their stubborn "island monkey" arrogance has caused them to be left behind in the race to join the Euro currency. Yes, the Euro train had left the platform by the time the Brits got to the station. They missed the Euro boat, so for the time being they still use the antiquated "Pound Sterling" as currency.

    A pound is worth about $1.20-$1.40 depending on the fluctuations in the currency markets.

    More important to rememeber is that in the UK, products which to an American would be considered everyday staples are LUXURIES to the British. For this reason, almost everything costs twice as much as it does in the UK.

    My tip - Lots of great American products are unavailable in the UK. Pack plenty of quality US products in your suitcase before you leave, you will save a small fortune.

  • Royalty
    You will be amazed to learn that even in this modern age that the English and Welsh and Scots and Irish (collectively the British) are not free men. Technically, they are the property of the Monarch, currently Queen Elizabeth II. In practice the Queen does not abuse her dictatorial powers, but she has the final say on who governs the country.

    Being chattels of a privileged leader has deeply affected the British psyche, and this manifests itself as an acute awareness of class background. You may find some British behaviour quite strange, but the rituals of class are not ever likely to be understood by an American citizen, coming as we do from a free country.

    My tip - try to avoid discussing the bondage slavery of the British people. It is probably considered "treason" and could land you in a British jail or "gaol" as they insist on calling it.

  • Visas and Immigration
    You would think that having bailed them out of World War II, the Brits would show us Americans some gratitude. But no good deed goes unpunished, and today if you want to enter the UK, you need a VISA. Not the credit card, a VISA is a rubber stamp in your passport that entitles you to visit the UK.

    Yeah, thanks a lot for the appreciation guys. Don't mention it. Any time.

  • Travelling
    Due to their relative poverty compared to Americans, British people tend not to own cars and prefer to do all their travelling by public transport. For an American, this may be a first, but trust me, you do not want to attempt to drive in that country. For a start Automatic transmissions are illegal, and they drive on the left side of the road. How they got into this mess is anyone's guess, but my saftey tip here is travel everywhere on foot, or by bus or train.

  • Tipping
    Britain is still a hybrid Socialist/Communist society. Tipping is virtually unheard of. You will not get good service anyway due to the lack of a tipping culture, so there is no need to feel guilty about not giving tips. Save your money, the UK is expensive, you will need every penny you have.

  • Weather
    Its safe to say that is is almost ALWAYS raining in the UK. So my first tip is to pack a waterproof overcoat of some kind. Leave your swimming gear behind, there are no beaches in England. Also if you intend to spend any time in London, be advised that they have a serious smog problem. On certain days, visibility can get down to as little as 10 yards, and some people can experience difficulty breathing. My tip - bring over a surgical mask, and carry it in your coat pocket ready to wear at the first sign of a "pea-souper" (the colloquial term for the thick stinking smog that pervades London at almost all times) That's what the locals do.

  • Minorities
    The United Kingdom of England and Britain is a bit like America, in the sense that it has lots of minorities all coexisting happily in a sort of melting-pot of racial harmony. Some of the ethnic minorities you may see on your travels are Afro-Carribeans, Pakistanis, Bengalis, Afghans, Albanians, Kosovans, Bosnians, Turks, Greeks, Italians, Indians, Australians, South Africans, French, German, Dutch etc etc.

    You will have no problems with these people. There are a couple of minorities who (and I risk being accused of racism for saying it) can only be described as having a "chip on their shoulders". They are the Scots, the Irish, and the Welsh. Although they number a fraction of England's population, they see themselves as somewhat superior, and they hate the British with a vengeance. My tip - the best thing to do if you have to deal with one of these people is to steer the subject away from racial issues, and onto something more neutral - like the weather. English people of all races (Scots, Irish, Welsh) all enjoy nothing more than a pointless half hour discussion about their unchanging dull grey overcast weather.

  • Sports
    If you are a sports fan, you will be shit out of luck if you want to follow any heterosexual sports such as football, basketball or baseball. The only sports the Brits like are Girls sports like Soccer, and "Rugger Bugger" (A game similar to our gridiron, but with much less strategy and tactics). If you are very lucky, you may manage to see some American sports on satellite television at your hotel. My tip - ask the concierge to get you tickets to a soccer match. The friendly "working class" atmosphere and bonhomie of the all-seater stadia is an authentic experience of male bonding which is hard to beat.

    Do you have any tips for travellers to the United Kingdom ? Perhaps you have just got back. Perhaps you are there now. Perhaps you went there in the past. Whatever. Share your tips with us. Or just let me know if I have got anything wrong. Nobody's perfect after all!


    Smile (none / 0) (#4)
    by Anonymous Reader on Sun Sep 8th, 2002 at 05:13:31 PM PST
    You apparently had a very poor experience when you travelled to the UK - and for that I am sorry. Perhaps you would consider giving them another chance and trying to approach them with a better attitude and treat them as equals.
    Best of luck to you.

    Adequacy only accepts original material. (none / 0) (#5)
    by because it isnt on Sun Sep 8th, 2002 at 05:23:56 PM PST
    Are you sure you haven't published this before? Most Americans visiting Britain seem to already know your guide off by heart, and have done for many years now. -- because it isn't

    Sporting events (none / 0) (#6)
    by walwyn on Sun Sep 8th, 2002 at 05:35:41 PM PST
    If any American wishes to see sport at its finest they could do no worse than to go and watch a Millwall FC home game.

    You should turn up early for the game and spend an hour drinking in one of the local pubs with the locals. Obviously you will probably not know the names of the Millwall players but you should be able to swot up on the current results of Manchester United, most football fans love talking about Man U and as Millwall and Manchester United are in different football leagues there is no rivalry between them.

    By the end of the hour you'll have had an experience of a lifetime.

    Dress (none / 0) (#7)
    by First Incision on Sun Sep 8th, 2002 at 07:37:46 PM PST
    The British seem to dress up one level more formal than Americans. Our "office casual" uniform of khaki slacks and a button-down shirt is what they wear on the weekend. They do not tend to wear "athletic" style clothing like Nike apparel.

    Also, keep in mind that London is very sleepy compared to American metropoli. Everything except the pubs shuts down at 6pm, and it is impossible to purchase things like toothpaste or a magazine after dark. I think this has something to do with socialism and lack of employees ambitious enough to work the night shift.
    Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

    You're not looking in the right place... (none / 0) (#9)
    by gordonjcp on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 01:10:57 AM PST
    They do not tend to wear "athletic" style clothing like Nike apparel. </i><p>
    Come to Glasgow (which is in Scotland, not England) . Walk down Argyle Street, and head out to the East End, along London Road. When you start to see people wearing green and white sportswear, this means they're of Irish descent. So, you should start singing that rousing Irish song, "The Sash My Father Wore". You'll see loads of "Neds", who will want to join in, and show you their trendy new trainers...

    A "guide" to the UK for American citizen (none / 0) (#8)
    by Anonymous Reader on Sun Sep 8th, 2002 at 08:24:52 PM PST
    Very unusual, and very sad, to read such an inacurate and totally biased "guide".
    I'd hope that the writer, holding the views he does, will not subject himself to another ordeal and will stay in the "best country in the world" - another view which is becoming rapidly less and less shared by the rest of the globe.
    This so-called "guide" contains very many opinions which most visitors to Britain would, in my quite extensive experience of them, totally reject as false. where the author appears to be stating facts, these are simply, demonstrably, *wrong*.
    He/she is either abnormally bitter, deliberately malicious, or simply deranged. Read his guide for a laugh, though.

    Read his guide for a laugh

    Care to back up your baseless allegations ? (none / 0) (#12)
    by dmg on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 03:18:09 AM PST
    It's easy to sit on the sidelines and take cheap potshots at someone.

    where the author appears to be stating facts, these are simply, demonstrably, *wrong*.

    Give me some examples of where I am "wrong" ? You can't, can you ?

    time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
    -- MC Hawking

    ok (none / 0) (#19)
    by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 04:11:02 AM PST
    well im almost positive that the 70% homosexual thing is wrong

    It's actually about 10%, (none / 0) (#20)
    by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 05:10:27 AM PST
    unlike America where the gay and/or effeminate male quotient is much higher. For example, to playing rugby is too masculine for them, so they to put on protective clothing to protect their precious body-parts, and stop every 5 minutes to have a gossip.

    American males seem brash and arrogant, but that's just the same as women are when they do 'girltalk'. Not to mention there is no British counterpart to "NAMBLA", etc., etc. -- because it isn't

    google doesn't lie my friend... (none / 0) (#21)
    by dmg on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 05:39:16 AM PST
    heterosexual british men Results 1 - 10 of about 28,400. Search took 0.32 seconds.

    homosexual british men Results 1 - 10 of about 55,300. Search took 0.21 seconds.

    Maybe the 70% figure is not exactly correct, but it's pretty close.

    time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
    -- MC Hawking

    But those are internet statistics. (none / 0) (#24)
    by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 07:04:59 AM PST
    Heterosexual Brits are too busy hastilly reaffirming their hetrosexuality and dropping sprogs, to bother with reading or writing pages about their orientation on the Internet.

    Furthermore, most of the pages are made by ignorant, superstitious Americans, who post pages about what frightens them the most. It wouldn't surprise me if most of the "homosexual british men" pages were also matched by "homosexual british men foreigners communist china al gore pacifist running out of lovely oil and can't run my suv". -- because it isn't

    Compare this with my results for the USA (none / 0) (#25)
    by dmg on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 07:08:23 AM PST
    straight american men Results 1 - 10 of about 906,000. Search took 0.28 seconds.

    gay american men Results 1 - 10 of about 779,000. Search took 0.44 seconds.

    This proves that the American male is quantifiably more heterosexual than his limp-wristed limey counterpart.

    time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
    -- MC Hawking

    retard (none / 0) (#27)
    by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 09:16:47 AM PST
    thats just how many pages on the interent pages contain either "homosexual", "british" or "men"

    he's a secret Anglophile I hear (none / 0) (#10)
    by Mr Somebody on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 02:22:49 AM PST
    face it fella, you can't stop writing about us.
    I think you secretly wish you were a Cockernee boy

    A Guide to the US for British Travellers (4.20 / 5) (#11)
    by Anonymous Reader on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 03:02:05 AM PST
    Because most British people are aware that there are countries in the world other than our own and have enquiring minds, many of us like to travel abroad. If we want culture, architecture, good food, wildlife or beaches then of course we choose somewhere in continental Europe, (or India, China, SE Asia, South America, Central America, the Caribbean, Africa, Australia, the Middle East etc), but the US is cheap and does have some nice scenery, so when you've been to all those other places you might consider going. This guide is for you.

    Land is cheap in the US (after all, nobody wants to live there), so your room is likely to be large, but for some reason it will probably not have occurred to anybody to use some of the space to install a bath. If you're a smoker you do need to be careful to check in advance that this is allowed - we all know that the US judicial system is fond of murdering its citizens, and smoking in a non-smoking hotel room is high on the list of capital offences. It is no good turning off the air conditioning in the hope that the temperature in your room will rise to a comfortable level while you are out - some busybody hotel employee will turn it back on. Don't be surprised if your hotel appears to believe its guests incapable of working out how their bedding functions - someone may come to show you where the corner of the sheet is.

    Food and Drink

    It's quite difficult to order a normal sized meal - your waiter/ess will simply not believe that that is all you propose to eat and will hover round concerned that you may faint with hunger. For some bizarre reason there is an assumption that if you want a main course, you must also want soup or a salad - it's easier just to humour them and order it. Actually you would be well advised to order and eat the salad, since Americans don't seem to be familiar with the concept of fresh vegetables. Sandwiches are a particular problem - cheese is used as a condiment, which in some cases would be fine if the cheese actually tasted of anything. It doesn't, it just adds a layer of fat to a sandwich already overloaded with mayo. You will also find a compulsory portion of chips with it. Don't expect any food to taste of much - Americans are very cautious people when it comes to health (understandably, since they literally can't afford to be ill) - strong flavours are just too adventurous. Food may appear cheap on the menu, but by the time you add the 20% tip (which is compulsory whether you get good service or not) and sales tax, you are paying just as much as you would back home. Be aware that if you attempt to use your knife & fork like an adult you will be suspected of snobbery - you are supposed to cut up all your food first and then feed yourself as if you were feeding a 2-year old.

    Any attempt to consume a modest amount of alcohol will be severely frowned upon. Your husband may think it a nice idea to celebrate your 40th birthday with a bottle of champagne and picnic lunch on the edge of the Grand Canyon, but American tourists will look at you as though you are a pair of winos. Do not attempt to avoid the sickly sweet fizz that you are expected to drink with all meals (including breakfast) by asking for a beer as you will be scolded that he establishment is a `family' restaurant. You'll have to make do with water (sometimes called `coffee').

    Americans like to talk. They do it loudly, (they're used to having to shout across the prairies), and incessantly, and you can forget having a nice quiet meal with your partner - as soon as the people at the next table realise that you're from another country (and remember that to Americans, Other Countries are about as alien as Mars), they will insist on talking to you. Unfortunately they speak a kind of English, so it's not possible to feign lack of understanding. Remember to speak very slowly to them - they just can't cope with normal speed speech.

    US healthcare is reputed to be very good - but if you have an accident you'd better make sure you have your health insurance policy taped to your forehead, or you will be left at the roadside and won't get a chance to sample it.

    The entire US retail system is engaged in a scam on customers - although almost everything in the US is subject to a sales tax, the price displayed on the item usually does NOT include this tax. The price you see is not the price you pay. However because the `every man for himself' attitude prevails, America has a huge population of poor people so home-produced goods have to be cheaply available, which is good news for visitors. A severe lack of imagination when it comes to currency design means that all notes look the same, whatever their value. This is viewed as desirable since it makes it much easier to swindle the blind out of their correct change.

    Americans go everywhere by car - this is understandable because it's such an under-populated country that the public transport system is rudimentary at best. Also, since the US allows everybody to be armed to the teeth, it's best to avoid contact with other human beings where at all possible. The devotion to the car means that pedestrians are not catered for at all - if you want to go from your motel to the restaurant directly across the street, you are expected to drive, even though it will take twice as long as walking.

    Race is a big issue in the US. Recently a couple of black actors won Oscars - most of the rest of us only really noticed that they were black when everybody in the US made a fuss about it. People of different races do not mix in the US as they do in the UK - this is apparent from TV programmes where the cast will be either all white or all black. Entire schools, universities and even cities are composed only of white or black people. In fact I suspect some American cities have duplicates because I'm sure there are black people in New York and Seattle, but when did you ever see one on `Friends' or `Frasier'? White Americans will talk about `foreigners' and seem genuinely unaware that it is they who are the foreigners in the US. Most of the indigenous population have been herded into fenced-off areas called `reservations', where they live in conditions worse than those to be found in the poorest parts of Europe.

    US weather is extreme and dangerous - tornadoes, hurricanes and heatwaves kill thousands every year. And it may only be September, but that doesn't mean that you won't find roads closed by snow. There are 2 weeks in May when it's safe to visit.

    You may have thought that French, Italian or Spanish TV was pretty dire. Ha! Just because one or two good American programmes have found there way here, don't expect the rest of it to be any good. Apart from most of the programmes themselves being appalling (and apparently targeted at mentally retarded 4 year olds), they are interrupted by adverts every 45 seconds. Although on reflection this is a good thing, as the adverts are more interesting than the programmes. Take lots of books.

    You might consider going to a sports event, but if it's American football you'd best take your book along with you as the players spend most of the game in a little huddle talking about it rather than actually playing. In fact sports events in the US are so boring that they have to bring on groups of teenage girls to dance around in short skirts, in a desperate attempt to keep the audience in the stadium.

    Forget clothes shopping as a pastime if you are of normal proportions.

    I hope you enjoy your trip. If nothing else it does shed light on just how men as dense as Ronald Reagan and George W Bush became president - "in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king".

    Its all true (none / 0) (#14)
    by Anonymous Reader on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 07:26:57 AM PST
    <P>But don't forget the insidious cancer of christian religion that pervades all facets of the American way of life.</P>

    <P>The worst moment of my life was pulling into a "motel" (that's a cross between a hotel and John Motson), booking a room and then asking the whereabouts of the bar. Shockingly I was told "We're God fearing people here, sir. This is a dry town".</P>

    I apologize for the Protestant heretics in the US (5.00 / 1) (#17)
    by Adam Rightmann on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 11:38:36 AM PST
    Had you gone to a hotel run by Catholics, I'm sure they would have adequately slaked your thirst, and maybe even introduced you to their nubile teenage daughter, once they marked down your passport information and where assured of your honorable intentions.

    Did they ask you if you wanted to pick up rattlesnakes and drink diluted cyanide?

    A. Rightmann

    Right on (none / 0) (#23)
    by First Incision on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 06:32:14 AM PST
    I enjoyed this thoroughly. Thank you.

    But on the subject of dining, I think you misunderstand proper American eating customs.

    You are not supposed to eat these large restaurant meals three times a day! A meal at a sit-down restaurant is a special occasion. You should skip lunch to sufficiently work up an appetite.

    Likewise, our peculiar brand of fastfood is not for consumption 3 times a day. It is made for one reason: to minimize time spent away from work. A "value meal" complete with a cheesy meat sandwich, fries, and a super-size Coke provides you with enough calories and nutrients for a full day of work. You are supposed to order, finish your meal, and get back to the office in less than half an hour.

    If you start to get weak late in the day, your office provides you with a vending machine full of appetite-supressing candy bars and 20 ounce bottles of sugary liquid to be consumed during your 5 minute afternoon break.
    Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

    Stress. Commuting. Long work hours. Short or none (none / 0) (#26)
    by The Mad Scientist on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 07:42:47 AM PST
    vacations. Expensive health care. Bad food. Industrial waste. Lawyers.

    No wonder Americans so desperately need their delusions of superiority.

    Otherwise they could see that their American dream is a nightmare.

    Eastern Europe. Indolent. Poor work ethic. (none / 0) (#28)
    by T Reginald Gibbons on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 03:10:36 PM PST
    Toxic waste dump of the Soviet Union. Used to make good but cheap cameras. In East Germany. Plant shut down. Production more expensive than closure. Unionist communists to blame. Nations in former USSR all parasite states. Feed off stable nations where work gets done. Deal with you when done with Saddam.

    Uneducated (none / 0) (#15)
    by Anonymous Reader on Mon Sep 9th, 2002 at 09:15:33 AM PST
    You are a moron, most of your comments are untrue and please take a look at your gun toting money hungry countrymen before you criticise a country that saved you from speaking German. Enjoy your McDonalds with the rest of your obese friends. You are too uneducated to understand most things and prefer to slag people off, well have a nice day moron.

    heh, you said 'slag' (none / 0) (#18)
    by yeap on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 03:25:17 AM PST
    its constructive criticism. From people I know who've been to England, the prices are generally high there, even if you just want a drink or something. No need to reply something like 'It only seems high prices because you Americans eat so much', because I'm Australian, and part of the Commonwealth 'dictatorship'. Since Australia's not a republic yet, even though we elect Prime Ministers, the Governor General who is the Queen's representative, has the rights to do WHATEVER HE WANTS. He can fire Prime Ministers, and make his own laws, and no1 can do a thing other than the queen.

    Another thought (none / 0) (#22)
    by First Incision on Tue Sep 10th, 2002 at 06:19:45 AM PST
    I just realized what may be at the root of many of the UK/USA differences.

    The USA is a capitalist consumer's paradise. We have gloriously succeeded at this goal. I think Japan is trying something similar, and I would like to go there sometime and see how they are doing.

    The UK would like to acheive this consumer's paradise, but they have diluted the dream by trying to incorporate a few half-hearted aspects of a socialist worker's paradise.
    Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.


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