Bah! I feel burned out of typing right now. Still, I want to say something...

You know, I was going to try the same thing I did the last time I wrote something so damn long, ask for a little paypal cash if the reader liked it. Of course, considering the fact that I made absolutly nothing off of that sceme, I doubt that I would do much better here. Then again, people do seem willing to pay for porn on the 'net...

I wonder what the psychological implications are of wanting to write an erotic story to turn on some (semi)vast anonymous crowd. If it some form of literary exhibitionism? No, those are the diaries. Is it the hope that perhaps I'll turn on the ladies and gain a reputation as a sexy stud? No, that's absurd. Is it wanting to be validated as a writer, knowing that you can at the very least stir the primordial emotions of lust? Hrm... That could very well be it.

Ah well. I guess since this is my Adequacy diary, I can go ahead and get honest like I never could at K5...

You see, when I first started my K5 diary, I was going to make it the story of everything in my life. I wasn't going to gloss-over or ignore anything. Whatever I wanted to talk about, I would.

Well, that became problematic when I started writing about my roommate and his girlfriend (now his wife). You see, they'd retire to his bedroom at night, and almost without fail, sometime later I'd hear them going at it. Now, I admit that I did some listening to this initially. There was certainly some healthy human curiosity about what was going on. Eventually, though, it just got to be too much. Laura and I were at a period of time when she still didn't seem to enjoy sex, and to listen to my roommate and his girlfriend enjoying each other so much was like a form of torture.

Oh, and make no mistake, this girl was loud. They'd usually turn music on to hide the sounds, and I'd usually turn up the television, or the radio, and do dishes or something to try and tune it out, and yet her moans were still audible.

So, I wrote a few angst-full passages in my K5 diary about the situation, along with the other crap at that particularly unpleasent moment in my life. Unfortunantly, my roommate found the diary, and was very insulted at me writing about his personal life in it. He talked about being "very upset" and "wanting to kick my ass" (not that he could, he's 6'2" just like me, and he has a longer reach, but I have over 150 pounds on him.)

So, not wanting to ruin what was 'till then a rather frictionless living situation, I e-mailed rusty and begged to have the diary entries deleted. From that point on, I've watched my words when I wrote, and had to be more careful as more people I know read my words. (My writing about Laura is particularly marked with this effect.)

What I write on K5 practically isn't my life anymore. It's become a kind of fiction, in which the characters are slightly idealised versions of those I meet in real life. This is truely unfortunante, because when I look back, I want to look back on my past, not on some fiction...

So, now I have Adequacy. Now I can write freely again, and attempt to get an honest chronicle on what's happening in my life...