Adequacy front page
Stories Diaries Polls Users

Home About Topics Rejects Abortions
This is an archive site only. It is no longer maintained. You can not post comments. You can not make an account. Your email will not be read. Please read this page if you have questions.
 MY weird uncle benny

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 29, 2001
one day he had me help him move some stuff from a friend's house. he didn't tell me what we would be moving beforehand. had i known, of course i wouldn't have agreed to participate in this little adventure.

More diaries by osm
I don't enjoy life
Movie Review
Of Microsoft and "Great" Britain
The Truth Behind ESR's Sex Tips
The Dating Game
a day in the park with opalhawk
opalhawk's childlike innocence
[UPDATED]heavenly white roses seem to whisper to me when opalhawk smiles
Can't sleep? Bored with the same-ol' same-ol'?
no sleep for the weary
what the hell am i doing here?
smaerd dicul htiw erutnevda yadnus
a new hope
life changing event
help wanted
life is grand
surgical strikes
decisions, decisions
lifestyle changes in face of terrorism
lesbian update
what a freak
Why Natalie Portman Is Better Than Any Of You
exorcising haunted attics
we've hit the big time, baby!
has natalie met her match??
unfortunately, she speaks english
a whole new perspective
Hell in a Handbasket
famous last words
I Miss Hauntedattics
Startling Revelation
Occupying America
Super Bowl Commercial
Happy Birthday, Reagan
OB-La-Di, OB-La-Da
Happy Valentine's Day!
The Day the Dopes Came Over
clusterlizard survives barage of hacking attempts!
I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep
This is my diary
Queen Mum Spontaneously Reanimates, Does Elvis Imitation

we took his old blue ford pickup truck - sky blue, with rust spots - to this old house out in the country. this was your typical missouri river person house with tin roof, tarred walls and plastic windows.

this didn't surprise me so much. uncle benny always did hang out on the lower rung of the social ladder, having a severe liver problem and not being able to leave the house without a diaper. what did surprise me was the cargo.

i knew something was up when we walked in carrying hat boxes. you know, those round hat boxes that you put hats in. we went inside and met with chuckie, who led us into the living room. there, in a large tank, were several octopuses.

"what the fuck..."

"sshh," uncle benny slapped my shoulder as he shook his head at me.

we opened up the boxes and put an octupus into each one. the tentacles kept slipping out and stinging me as i carried the smelly things to the truck.

uncle benny let me have two small ones for helping. i kept them in a jar in my bedroom. they didn't look very lively in the jar, but whenever i asked them if they needed more room, they would morosely claim they were ok.

this set me on yet another adventure to find a decent sized tank for them. at least big enough for them to stretch out and maybe swim around a little. i went to a pet store at the mall. just my luck that all the aquarium stuff would be off the shelves, due to the laziness of the clerk, "felix".

felix was basically a little bitch. he had a cold too. or maybe it was anthrax. he probably pissed someone off being a little bitch.

anyway, did you hear the new joke: why did Natalie Portman cross the road?

because george lucas told her to!



I want an octopus... (none / 0) (#1)
by Frithiof on Mon Oct 29th, 2001 at 07:33:47 PM PST
and, what was up with that 3,000 minute interval thing for the "Who's Online" panel? I kinda went cross-eyed when I saw that.


You can thank (none / 0) (#3)
by TheReverand on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 08:21:39 AM PST
Our esteemed Bukkake loving editor bc for that one. It seems he was messing with the times and the timezones on the aq server.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all in the same TZ (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by osm on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 09:16:02 AM PST
namely, the Time Zone of the United States of America and it's Territories.

Make this longer (none / 0) (#2)
by TheReverand on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 08:20:40 AM PST
And post it to the front page. Why haven't you written anything like this lately?

too busy (none / 0) (#5)
by osm on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 01:26:32 PM PST
i have to switch between windows and unix to work on two projects: a palm conduit and a pos (piece of shit) system.

if i wasn't doing that, i still wouldn't write anything because i'm a lazy fuck.


All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest ® 2001, 2002, 2003 The name, logo, symbol, and taglines "News for Grown-Ups", "Most Controversial Site on the Internet", "Linux Zealot", and "He just loves Open Source Software", and the RGB color value: D7D7D7 are trademarks of No part of this site may be republished or reproduced in whatever form without prior written permission by and, if and when applicable, prior written permission by the contributing author(s), artist(s), or user(s). Any inquiries are directed to