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How many licks does it take to get to the life-giving fluids of Natalie Portman's Womanhood
10-20 36%
100-200 18%
1000-2000 9%
I have to go to the bathroom 36%

Votes: 11

 Of Microsoft and "Great" Britain

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jun 30, 2001

Lloyd sipped at his dainty little china cup of tea. His flower-ordained umbrella protected his pale flesh from the harsh rays of sunlight that managed to penetrate the thick London fog. The tea soothed his gums as it passed through the gaping holes of missing teeth. Each sip added another layer of yellowing to his few remaining teeth, which grew at all angles. The thick crop of hairs growing from his ears, nose and eyebrows quivered with delight.


More diaries by osm
I don't enjoy life
Movie Review
The Truth Behind ESR's Sex Tips
The Dating Game
a day in the park with opalhawk
opalhawk's childlike innocence
[UPDATED]heavenly white roses seem to whisper to me when opalhawk smiles
Can't sleep? Bored with the same-ol' same-ol'?
no sleep for the weary
what the hell am i doing here?
smaerd dicul htiw erutnevda yadnus
a new hope
life changing event
help wanted
life is grand
surgical strikes
decisions, decisions
lifestyle changes in face of terrorism
lesbian update
what a freak
MY weird uncle benny
Why Natalie Portman Is Better Than Any Of You
exorcising haunted attics
we've hit the big time, baby!
has natalie met her match??
unfortunately, she speaks english
a whole new perspective
Hell in a Handbasket
famous last words
I Miss Hauntedattics
Startling Revelation
Occupying America
Super Bowl Commercial
Happy Birthday, Reagan
OB-La-Di, OB-La-Da
Happy Valentine's Day!
The Day the Dopes Came Over
clusterlizard survives barage of hacking attempts!
I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep
This is my diary
Queen Mum Spontaneously Reanimates, Does Elvis Imitation

What does this have to do with Microsoft? Well, the British have the monopoly on tea. They will complain that Americans wouldn't know a good cup of tea if it bit them in the... what... "arse"? Yes, tea is the trademark of the almighty Great Britain, just as Windows is the trademark of the almighty Great Microsoft.

But, just as everything that is Windows was stolen from any number of other truly innovative companies, everything that is Britain was stolen from any number of other truly innovative (and genuinely cultured) countries.

Tea for example, was stolen from India during the height of British colonialism. And let's not forget the Opium Wars, where the British Empire simply took over the opium trade in the far East. The first drug lords.

The similarities go from the subtle and insidious to the obvious and absurd. Just look at Bill Gates - his pasty white flesh, that inbred look, that smug attitude. If I actually thought it possible for an Englishman to come to the United States and actually be successful in a free market (even if it was through less than moral means), I would suspect the national origins of Mr. Gates. As it is, I just have to accept that he is merely an aberration of our normally highest-quality gene pool.

Where am I going with this? Actually, I forgot. But I will say this: Mr. Gates, you'd better not forget what happened to Britain when they bombed Perl Harbor.


Hmmm (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by Anya on Sat Jun 30th, 2001 at 05:46:10 PM PST
Well, Bill Gates is highly successful, and yet everyone is jealous of him. This sounds like a typical British businessman - Britain is famous for its people's hatred of their betters, and general class strife and division. If Bill Gates were really American, he'd be a saxaphone playing, cigar smoking, gun toting natalie portman loving populist. But he isn't - he is more like a Regency aristocrat, supping tea, eating cream cakes and playing with his frilled ruff.

Damn him I say. Send him back to where he came from.

Stars! Stars! And all eyes else dead coals.

Hmmm (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by osm on Sat Jun 30th, 2001 at 06:14:18 PM PST
Mentioning Natalie Portman in the same breath as alluding to Bill Clinton should be punishable by the most horrible imaginable death.

Opium (none / 0) (#3)
by manifold on Sun Jul 1st, 2001 at 12:27:45 PM PST
I may do a piece on the two Opium Wars and the treaty of Nanking - it's a topic that's already got loads of bite in it already, and I'm sure I can spin it out into how the UK started the scourge of drugs.

It would be a good subject (none / 0) (#4)
by osm on Sun Jul 1st, 2001 at 11:56:16 PM PST
for someone with more stamina than i have.

i stopped reading (none / 0) (#5)
by alprazolam on Tue Jul 10th, 2001 at 02:48:14 PM PST
after you mentioned opium. boy could i use some of that right now.


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