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 opalhawk's childlike innocence

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jul 25, 2001

cute-teen-opalhawk is walking through the yard, carrying her school-books. teen-osm and six-year-old-osm are playing catch with a football. 6-year-old-osm misses the ball and it heads for cute-teen-opalhawk.


More diaries by osm
I don't enjoy life
Movie Review
Of Microsoft and "Great" Britain
The Truth Behind ESR's Sex Tips
The Dating Game
a day in the park with opalhawk
[UPDATED]heavenly white roses seem to whisper to me when opalhawk smiles
Can't sleep? Bored with the same-ol' same-ol'?
no sleep for the weary
what the hell am i doing here?
smaerd dicul htiw erutnevda yadnus
a new hope
life changing event
help wanted
life is grand
surgical strikes
decisions, decisions
lifestyle changes in face of terrorism
lesbian update
what a freak
MY weird uncle benny
Why Natalie Portman Is Better Than Any Of You
exorcising haunted attics
we've hit the big time, baby!
has natalie met her match??
unfortunately, she speaks english
a whole new perspective
Hell in a Handbasket
famous last words
I Miss Hauntedattics
Startling Revelation
Occupying America
Super Bowl Commercial
Happy Birthday, Reagan
OB-La-Di, OB-La-Da
Happy Valentine's Day!
The Day the Dopes Came Over
clusterlizard survives barage of hacking attempts!
I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep
This is my diary
Queen Mum Spontaneously Reanimates, Does Elvis Imitation

teen-osm: cute-teen-opalhawk, look out!

it is too late, the ball hits cute-teen-opalhawk in the head, knocking her hair loose, such that it flows elegantly down her back. she begins to weep and runs inside, the boys follow.

cute-teen-opalhawk: mom! mom! oh, this is awful!

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: what is it dear?

cute-teen-opalhawk: the football hit me on the side of the head. it knocked my hair loose so that it flows elegantly down my back! i am now even more beautiful! this is awful!

female-spaceghoti and male-spaceghoti enter the kitchen.

female-spaceghoti: mom!

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: what is it, spaceghoti?

male-spaceghoti: we are tired of being the middle child! we are tired of having to play with ourself in the basement!

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: spaceghoti, i told you not to play with yourself! that is why you are in the basement in the first place! six-year-old-opalhawk, come in here!

six-year-old-opalhawk joins the others in the kitchen.

six-year-old-opalhawk: yes, mother?

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: now, you, six-year-old-osm, cute-teen-opalhawk and teen-osm have been very mean to spaceghoti. i want you and six-year-old-osm to go to your room until supper. the same goes for cute-teen-opalhawk and teen-osm.

six-year-old-opalhawk: oh, six-year-old-osm, finally we may explore each other in our childlike innocence! how my undeveloped breasts and unfattened buttocks have yearned for your boyish hand!

six-year-old-osm: hooray!

the six-year-olds hold hands as they skip off to their room.

cute-teen-opalhawk: teen-osm! we may finally consumate our teen curiosities! how my pouting teen breasts tingle under my bodice! how my rump quivers in anticipation!

teen-osm: by my open-source hand shall you take the next step to womanhood!

cute-teen-opalhawk & teen-osm: hooray!

teen-osm throws cute-teen-opalhawk over his shoulder and carries her to their room.

male & female spaceghoti turn to leave through the patio door.

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: where are you going spaceghoti?

male-spaceghoti: nobody appreciates us here. we are going to run away and gain feelings of acceptance by whining on

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: hooray!

hermaphrodite enters the front door, carrying a brief-case.

hermaphrodite: hi, honey! i'm home!

spaceghoti-as-ghimp: oh, hermaphrodite! let us retire to the bedroom and frolick like the playful imps we are! all day, i have been dreaming of commanding your love-wand into my throbbing rectum.

as spaceghoti-as-ghimp and hermaphrodite walk to the bedroom holding hands, spaceghoti's "wife" enters the kitchen. he removes several pans filled with meat from the oven.

spaceghoti's "wife": hey! doesn't anyone want a piece of this buffalo?! well, i guess i'll have to eat it myself. shoot, just when i was trying to lose some weight.

laugh track, applause.


I'm confused... (none / 0) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 02:58:10 PM PST
You mean to say that there's 2 different osms, 2 different opalhawk's and three spaceghotis? One spaceghoti is more than enough for anyone. We must stop this cruel human cloning program instantly!

No! More Ghoti! (1.00 / 1) (#2)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:04:46 PM PST
It worked! My cloning experiment finaly worked....

I am still confused about the halfbreed though... I was sure that Stryker's DNA would bond... I have no idea where the ghimp infulance came from... ah well... back to the lab....

All your SpaceGhoti are belong to us!

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

my sweet, (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:26:56 PM PST
your punctuation was garbled during transmission through the various telecommunications lines used to carry your message to my adoring eyes.

the title of your post, "No! More Ghoti!" was clearly meant to be: "NO MORE GHOTI!"

i felt i should post this to clear up any potential confusion for those who may stop by to admire our tender romance in these diaries.

Oh, I dunno (1.00 / 2) (#3)
by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:06:28 PM PST
I'm rather flattered to be the target of so much attention. And the concept of being a hermaphrodite is quite intriguing. What do you do if you're a heterosexual hermaphrodite? Which gender do you pick?

A troll's true colors.

If you're wondering why I rated you "1" (3.66 / 3) (#4)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:19:26 PM PST
It's because the question "What do you do if you're a heterosexual hermaphrodite?" is so very unbelievably witless.

Are you adequate?
Are you adequate?

If you're wondering why I returned the favor (1.00 / 2) (#7)
by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:26:04 PM PST
It's because your comment was petty and short-sighted. By definition, a hermaphrodite possesses both genders, both of which are probably viable. Being heterosexual insists that you only copulate with members of the opposite gender, but a hermaphrodite has no opposite. The question therefore poses a philosophical quandary, and one that amuses me.

It isn't my fault if your sense of humor fails to extend beyond the reach of your nose, impressive as that organ may be.

A troll's true colors.

Well that's a first (3.66 / 3) (#15)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 04:09:19 PM PST
I just hid my own response due to inappropriate content. If you've already read it, I'd like to apologize. Even the best of us loses our temper sometimes.

The fact that you consider a heterosexual hermaphrodite to be a "philosophical quandary" demonstrates a very shallow understanding of both sex and sexuality.

Being heterosexual insists that you only copulate with members of the opposite gender.

It means no such thing. It is entirely possible for a heterosexual man to periodically engage in homosexual acts and still be considered heterosexual. Sexuality (borrowing from Kinsey here) is best understood as a sliding scale. On one side you have people who are only attracted to members of the opposite sex. On the other you have those who feel no attraction to the opposite sex, but considerable attraction to their own. In the middle you have bisexuals. That still leaves a lot of ground to be occupied by heterosexuals who have occasional homosexual urges and encounters and homosexuals who don't mind the occasional hetero fling. Human sexuality is wide ranging, and heterosexual is a term that is about as precise and meaningful as "short". A short basketball player is not the same as a short jockey.

hermaphrodite has no opposite.

Once again you are displaying a very shallow understanding. Sex is primarily a matter of identity. A hermaphrodite (I worked with one at a group home for the developmentally disabled) can still identify with one gender more than the other. As a result, it is quite possible for a hermaphrodite to be "heterosexual." Leaving hermaphrodites to the side, I have a friend who defines herself as female even though she is biologically male. As a k5 reader, you probably know who I'm talking about. If she were to have a sexual encounter with a man, I would consider that to be a heterosexual act.

Are you adequate?
Are you adequate?

Splitting hairs (1.00 / 2) (#19)
by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 11:58:07 PM PST
...demonstrates a very shallow understanding of both sex and sexuality.

This from the stalker of Heidi Wall and unabashed foot fetishist? You're straining your already tenuous credibility, child.

It is entirely possible for a heterosexual man to periodically engage in homosexual acts and still be considered heterosexual.

Now that is a hell of a departure from the common theme of this site. I could almost think you're starting to take your own propaganda seriously. Look, by your own actions and that of your fellow Editors (Infinite in Their Wisdom), Adequacy is a troll site. It's a spoof, not to be taken seriously. You're going to nitpick the finer details of a joke inspired by a spoof written by a troll? Get over yourself.

A hermaphrodite...can still identify with one gender more than the other.

You and your nitpicks. I was basing the joke off of the strict dictionary definition of hermaphrodite. The only social commentary I was making in my statement was that Western society only allows heterosexuality to be strict male-female coupling, Kinsey studies be damned. The truth has far more shades of gray and everybody knows this, whether they admit to it or not. I was not making a judgment on hermaphrodites, bisexuals, asexuals or homosexuals in any way, shape or form. Bringing ana into the discussion helps your case not at all: I think ana is a perfect sweetheart, and I've publicly supported and encouraged her in her diaries as well as email. I know all about her kinks and confusion and care not a whit; she's a lovely person no matter what she's confused or focused on at the moment.

My definition of "hermaphrodite" was a physically, fully-functional multi-gendered individual, the kind that generally doesn't occur in nature. It was an exercise of imagination, which qualifies as a "philosophical quandary." There was nothing concrete or practical to the joke whatsoever. The fact that you're not able to get past your own prejudices and inhibitions is not my problem.

Go back to sleep and leave the driving to adults.

A troll's true colors.

if you're wondering (5.00 / 1) (#20)
by jsm on Thu Jul 26th, 2001 at 05:33:59 AM PST
why I've deleted five random comments from your history, it's because you're pissing me right off.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the editors
... now also Legal department and general counsel,

That is quite possibly the...... (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 26th, 2001 at 07:32:10 AM PST
....most selfish and stupid thing I have ever heard today.... probably will get toped in this crappy world we live in 'cause it's only 8am, but still... How stupid.

five random comments? (1.00 / 1) (#24)
by SpaceGhoti on Thu Jul 26th, 2001 at 08:44:29 AM PST
Wow, and here I thought I was far too insignificant to have any sort of impact.

You're not pissing me off. You're amusing me. Perhaps in the future you'll obtain something of a clue, but until then I will continue happily along with this slapstick entertainment.

A troll's true colors.

hello. (5.00 / 1) (#22)
by CaptainZornchugger on Thu Jul 26th, 2001 at 05:56:32 AM PST
Bringing ana into the discussion helps your case not at all

I'm almost certain he wasn't talking about ana.

Of course, that's entirely tangential and beside the point, but the innacuracy was driving me crazy, being that as far as I can tell, ana has nothing to do with any of this.

If he was talking about ana, accept my apologies, and shoeboy should feel free to delete this comment. Although, in the future, please keep in mind that there is more than one individual on K5 with complex gender identity issues, even if only one of them hangs out on IRC. In all fairness, there was no real way for spaceghoti to know who you were talking about (although he was rather hasty in guessing)

Not ana? (none / 0) (#25)
by SpaceGhoti on Thu Jul 26th, 2001 at 08:47:21 AM PST
If he wasn't referring to ana, then I hereby apologize most sincerely. However, ana does fit the description well enough, and if I was able to make my point of avoiding bias with concern to hermaphrodites and gender-confused individuals, then I'm satisfied.

Point or no, if the child wasn't referring to ana, I still apologize for my attack on her behalf.

A troll's true colors.

Well... (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:29:59 PM PST
Technicaly a hermaphrodite can get itself? pregnant... so.... I suppose you would have two choices... true homosexuality, or another hermaphrodite. Which would make you a homosexual again... I suppose that is proof that some people are just born that way!

I wonder if you could suck the cock of and lick the cunt of a hermaphrodite at the same time.... There's a new talent to persue... wow...

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

OSM! (3.00 / 1) (#6)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:23:30 PM PST
*sob sob*

I can't belive you rated my comment down!

I don't know how I can go on with my life knowing that not only do you hold me to the unusualy high standards that you do... up amongst the likes of Natilie Portman... HOW COULD I BEG TO COMPARE??... but then when I fail to meet your inflated expectiations, you trample my poor fragile, semi-innocent heart by rating my comment down. *Sob Sob Sob* And -after- making embarasing public note of my low self esteem *bawl* I could just die!

I suppose, though, I should just go live as a hermit in the woods now... somwhere with no electricity, and therefore no computers... that way there will be no chance of being hurt by you further...

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

my truest, (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:29:56 PM PST
natalie is spelled n-a-t-a-l-i-e.

do not fret... you are still the apple of my eye ;)

*repeats* n-a-t-a-l-i-e (5.00 / 1) (#12)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:34:48 PM PST
*lip quiver* I suppose I should learn to spell the name of the woman to whom your affections truly belong! I may be at the moment the "apple of your eye", but I know I will never replace her in your heart!.... *sniffle*

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

*embraces opalhawk passionately* (5.00 / 2) (#14)
by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:42:50 PM PST
*presses her to his muscular chest* *she is comforted by the loving pulse of his purest of hearts* *runs fingers through opalhawk's silky soft hair, which smells of a fresh spring flowerbed*

it is obvious that the cancer that is spaceghost has corrupted your truest soul. let the radioactivity of my embrace scorch the cancer! let the cytotoxic oozings of my phermone glands shrivel the disease!

Well what did you expect? (5.00 / 1) (#11)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 03:31:15 PM PST
Warren is clearly threatened by your relationship with spacefish. You know this and you rub his face in it. Of course he gave you a "1". You don't expect him to take that kind of deliberate affront lying down, do you?

Oh, wait. This is all "opalhawk" doing bad things. Robyn doesn't have to worry about the consequences. Nist doesn't either. After all, when you use a different nickname, you're a different person.

Sarcasm aside, the nature of a thing is not changed by the name you choose to give it. If you hurt people under an assumed name, you still hurt them.

Are you adequate?

Okay foot fetish... (none / 0) (#17)
by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 04:20:53 PM PST
If -Warren- askes me to stop, all my personas will stop. He has not said a word to me requesting that I refrain from commenting in a certian way, or in any way at all.

I don't know why you take things so seriously and personaly! Gods!

Oh, now I get it... -you- Mr. Peter, shoe boy, foot fetish, Johnson whoever you may really be, are the one who is really offended by my comments! My gods! You are the one who is offended, obviously, since Warren / osm / fat time / whoever else he may be has said nothing. are the one who has a problem! Hiding behind the feeble excuse that the person who wrote theese diary enterys about me is offended. If he is so offended, why does he continue to write about me? Why does he continue to bait me? What in the world is the purpouse of that? Perhaps he is a masochist... that would fit in well with my sadism... no wonder we are the ones having fun whilst you are concerning yourself with being a stick in the mud.

If my osm was upset, he would tell me. Perhaps he is sensitive and shy, but I know he is a real man, and a real man does not send spineless pigs to try and force somone to surcease from saying what is on their mind.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

oh, opalhawk! (5.00 / 1) (#18)
by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 04:40:57 PM PST
if my osm was upset...

you called me... *wiping tear from cheek*... "your osm".

i feel like the little robot boy at the end of "AI" when he finally got to fall asleep in the loving arms of his mother.


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