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Nuke 'Em Now 25%
Nuke 'Em Tomorrow 25%
They Should Have Been Nuked Yesterday 50%

Votes: 8

 Occupying America

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Feb 03, 2002
In my unable-to-sleep state here on this glorious freezing Sunday morning, I have Fox News on while I work.

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I was lost in thought (hallucinating) about the fact I have lustily emailed no less than three hot blonde Fox News chicks and not received back so much as a threat of legal action. Oh yeah, it was two blondes and one brunette financial chick.

My episode was cut short by a news story about how American special ops are going to the Phillipines and some of the natives there are upset because they don't want foreigners fighting on their soil. This led me into another excursion into my imagination, fantasizing what the American reaction would be if, for example, British soldiers came here to fight with us.

Of course, that would only be necessary if America were to be occupied by an aggressor. China is about the only candidate at this point.

This led me to the realization that it would be impossible to occupy this country. Just imagine Chinese soldiers marching through Los Angeles. If they managed to get past the crazed and heavily armed drug dealers, they'd probably still be picked off by just ordinary gun-owning citizens. They would probably have to just level the city, which, of course, would be suicidal.

My Grandpa always said never to trust the Chinese.

I will sleep well tonight (later this morning/after the game/whenever).


Nuking China (none / 0) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 11:10:24 AM PST
USian civilisation is so vastly superior to Chinese. Consider these incontrovertible facts.

China: Invented paper.
US: Invented the National Enquirer.

China: 5,000 years of excellence in music, literature and visual arts.
US: Barry Manilow, Snoopy and Jeff Koons.

China: Invented gunpowder, and used it to defend herself.
US: Invented nuclear weapons, and is the only country to have used them to wage war (by the way, against unarmed, innocent civilians).

China: Peking Duck washed down with jasmine tea.
US: Happy meal with diet coke (and one of those cardboard "apple pies").

Frankly, if I had a choice whom to be colonised by, it'd be the Chinese. But I don't have a choice.


hey! (none / 0) (#2)
by nathan on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 11:12:29 AM PST
Hands off Charles Schultz. He was a great man. Now let me go back to eating my chicken feet (left over dim sum.)

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

you should be crucified and burned (none / 0) (#3)
by osm on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 11:26:10 AM PST
China: Invented paper.
U-:-I-v-n-e- -h- -a-i-n-l-E-q-i-e-.

US: Publishes more scientific work on that paper than every other nation in the world combined.

China: 5,000 years of excellence in music, literature and visual arts.
U-:-B-r-y-M-n-l-w- -n-o-y-a-d-J-f- -o-n-.

US: Made that 5,000 years of boring trash accessible to practically anyone, instead of priviledged communist rulers.

China: Peking Duck washed down with jasmine tea.
U-:-H-p-y-m-a- -i-h-d-e- -o-e-(-n- -n- -f-t-s- -a-db-a-d -a--p-e-p-e-"-.

US: Would rather eat the best foods from all nations rather than a mutilated dog.

Frankly, if I had a choice whom to be colonised by, it'd be the Chinese. But I don't have a choice.

I'm sure you would, Josef.

Chinese Food (1.50 / 4) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 03:36:56 PM PST
Just to address one of your misconceptions, last year I ate in New York, San Francisco, Beijing and Hong Kong (among other places) and I can assure you that the food in Beijing is vastly superior to the overpriced muck on offer in the two (supposedly) most civilised cities in the USA.

You are only reinforcing the truism that racism arises through ignorance. I pity you.

Whatever (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by osm on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 04:35:15 PM PST
Sounds like somebody's pissy because their flag isn't the ONLY ONE ON THE MOON. I wonder sometimes why we bother to maintain an allegiance with you whining british prisses. We should nuke you too.

stop the in-fighting (none / 0) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 02:32:48 PM PST
I find it still rather amusing that people in the much of European stemed society still considr themselves superior to the other members of the human race. We depict this through our religion (which has caused more problems than I can consider - and yes I am a Christian), through our trade embargo - oh quick feed the starving - but sell it to them at such a high price that they can't continue to buy stuff they need, contemplate that our society is top of the crop - hell 'Western Society'is perhaps one of the newest groups here - the majority of the others had all the fine arts before we had even developed a sunstatial language.

Isn't it about time that we put aside our petty differences and celebrate what we each have to offer and look at how incorpeating part of another society can improve ours? By denying all components of a society we are really missing out on the best bits they have to offer - by being selective we then get the chance to pick and chose the positives that we ourselves want too.

This is not intended to be any form of attack on any one country - my own country has committed some horrific atrocities, and for that we are paying.

Come on isn't it about time we actually lived together as one race and not as multitudes?

What country are you from? (none / 0) (#5)
by osm on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 02:45:02 PM PST
Come on isn't it about time we actually lived together as one race and not as multitudes?


seriously... (none / 0) (#6)
by nathan on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 02:45:50 PM PST
I respect your ardour but I worry about what might be lost.

Cultures are deeply involved in everything that we say, do, and think. They're not easily tossed aside. In a sense, you can never get out from under your culture, no matter how hard you rebel against it, because your culture provides a lot of the context for any conceivable rebellion.

People from cultures sufficiently different from your own have very different ideas about space, time, causality, values such as what constitutes "clean" vs "unclean;" love, art, happiness, family size; "Why don't we get along" is no argument when you're asking why such people couldn't get along as a T'ang dynasty silversmith, a Bushmen hunter, a Javanese rice farmer, a Manhattan businessman, a Falasha female black Jewish monk, a Navajo mystic, an assimilated ethnically Navajo electrician living in LA, a black American auto worker in Flint, a Moroccan labourer, a Turkish soldier with haunted eyes from his Cypriot tour....

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Not to mention (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by osm on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 04:39:52 PM PST
that such an intermingling would eventually lead to a catastrophe: the loss of cute blondes.

Steady on old chap (none / 0) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 05:04:19 PM PST
You are clearly a young man, attempting to attract attention to yourself by making outrageous and offensive statements.

May I counsel you against writing anything you may regret later in life, when you have perhaps attracted attention for your achievements rather than your rhetoric.

outrageous and offensive statements... (none / 0) (#11)
by osm on Sun Feb 3rd, 2002 at 05:13:06 PM PST
I'm assuming you're referring to my suggestion that China should be nuked? Is that an outrageous and offensive statement?

May I counsel you against writing anything you may regret later in life

No, you may not.

I have had similar experiences with newswomen (5.00 / 2) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Feb 4th, 2002 at 12:17:07 AM PST
I don't remember exactly when my obsession with Sachi Koto began. What I recall when I think back on it is noticing this feeling of well being that would come over me whenever I watched her read the news on CNN. With Sachi, it was like the worst events - plane crashes, wars, some awful murder in some quiet town - were somehow, I don't want to say "not so bad", that sounds callous. It was like she, as the giver of bad tidings, was able to at the same time, imbue in us, her viewers, something like the strength to carry on in the face of it all.

So at first my fascination with Sachi took the usual forms, writing to CNN for the 8x10 glossy, buying the TiVo in order to record all her newscasts, starting up, like I said, the usual. But then, now I know this was around, three months ago, like last autumn, things started to, let's say, intensify.

First I noticed myself losing interest in all other activities apart from watching Sachi's newscasts, one after the other, scrutinizing them for subtle differences in her delivery. I took note of everything she did, every twitch, every slipped line, every blink. I tried to observe the way she breathed. Sachi became a vast flood of information that I categorized and catalogued. What was I looking for? I honestly don't know. The hidden secrets of the universe, I guess.

Yeah, definitely last autumn, because I will never forget that October, when, in an effort to clear my head of my endless thoughts about Sachi Koto, I tried becoming her, to see if that would help. I bought some clothes that looked like the ones Sachi wore. That was easy enough - though expensive - since by that point had memorized a couple of week's worth of her outfits. The next step came with purchasing some makeup and a Sachi wig. Man, what a weird month. I remember spending hours sitting in front of the mirror, all made up and dressed like Sachi, lip-syncing along with her newscasts. It was no use. I would never be her.

Then I started to be afraid. I tried becoming Sachi, and that didn't work. I was afraid my only alternative would be to possess her, and I was sane enough to know where that would lead. I didn't want to end up the subject of a sensationalistic true-crime book, but my nonstop thoughts about Sachi were making it impossible for me to function. I took a week's worth of my accumulated back sick leave and spent one day after another at home, doing nothing but moderating - deleting or flaming any message that I tought did not pay sufficient respect to Sachi - and watching Sachi's newscasts with my usual microscopic attention to detail. I'm sure I probably would have gone out a window if it hadn't been for the dreams.

Oh yes, the dreams. Just one, actually, the same dream two nights in a row. Real minimal, just me - my exact memory is not clear, I don't remember where I was - but I remember this glass statue of Sachi. When I reached out to touch it, it shattered, and I got all cut up. Then there was like this bronze statue of Sachi that turned out to be searing hot when I touched it. This went on for a while, with all kinds of different statues, each hurting me in a different way, until finally, there was Sachi herself, standing in the Dior outfit she wore on September 29th, holding this TV cable and smiling that peaceful smile of hers. She reached down and touched me with the cable, and all my injuries healed. Then she started growing until she was as big as the sky, then she was the sky, then everything went black, and I woke up.

And after that, I don't know, somehow I was able to function again. That was around Thanksgiving, when I finally got around to asking out Denise from Marketing's Cousin Gladdie. We sort of got a "weekend thing" going, and that kind of developed into a "three day a week thing", and well, I guess that brings me back to the present. So that's my story, and that's why I am retiring as uid=1 ( Cmdr Sachifan) of I am leaving the site in the capable hands of Mojo Koto and sach_luvvr, who I'm sure will do a great job. This story is a little too sensitive to post on, but I do feel the need to - how do I say this? - confess, I guess, so I am posting it to this obscure weblog.

I still like to watch Sachi's newscasts when I'm home and they're on. I'm convinced that, even if she herself doesn't know it, she is some kind of angelic presence, a force for good in this cold world. She is probably off right now righting the cosmic balance in some way. Even if only through her soothing persona, as she placidly reads off another day's tally of scandal, death, and loss.

impossible to occupy the US? (none / 0) (#13)
by PotatoError on Mon Feb 4th, 2002 at 07:09:07 PM PST
"Just imagine Chinese soldiers marching through Los Angeles"

Come on, how does the US do it?

Yes, they use aircraft to bomb the crap into any resistance.
It doesnt matter how many civilians you arm, if an army just bombs the shit outta Los Angeles they cant do anything about it. Why bother taking the city anyway? the US isnt Vietnam or Afghanistan. US citizens rely on power, TV, gas and supermarkets - this applies to all western countries including mine.
All an invading force has to do is capture the Power plants, the TV stations, the water plants and the Food distribution warehouses. Then either the people would submit or they starve, die of thirst or cold or would suicidally have to make the attack to retake these installations. Its all very well when the enemy is marching into your home town to say it would be easy to take them out but when citizens charge a fortified installation that they've never visited before Im inclined to believe they would be wiped out. Even if one group in one area did manage to retake a power plant im sure it would just be bombed and the group killed anyway.
The invading force wouldnt care - they only have to make sure the power is turned off over Winter anyway. Bombing power plants or power lines will do this.
That should knock off most of a cities population over winter for the troops to march into in spring.

"My Grandpa always said never to trust the Chinese."
Aww come on they wouldnt attack the US just like the US wouldnt attack them. Its a friendly suspicion fueled relationship :)


Wow (none / 0) (#14)
by osm on Mon Feb 4th, 2002 at 08:46:27 PM PST
A good-natured reply with no accusations of racism. I'm impressed.

China doesn't want us (none / 0) (#15)
by Blarney on Thu Feb 7th, 2002 at 03:19:16 PM PST
The Chinese would never invade the United States, because they do not particularly want to rule "barbarians". While American policy has historically been to bring in foreign peoples - African, Mexican, and now H1-B - to perform labor and keep wages down, the Chinese have never done this. Perhaps they think this is risky, to keep different races around. If the members of a given race ever get together and revolt, chaos ensues. And if the races mix, there goes the Han race! Just as in America one drop of African blood makes one "black", in China one drop of Caucasian blood makes one "white". China is a very old country, and is very conservative about this sort of thing.

The only slaves that China has are actual Chinese people, of Han race, working away in prison camps manufacturing junk for major multinational corporations until the day that some rich man wishes to buy one of their organs. And it's all for us, isn't that grand! They get good hard American dollars and provide electronic toys for scum like us and valuable life extension for our corporate masters. Thank you, China!

And they'll just stay on their side of the ocean, and we on ours, and this happy state of affairs will continue forever. Praise the Emperor (I mean the Chinese Communist Party Chairman or something, but you know what I mean!)!


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