a day in the park with opalhawk

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a day in the park with opalhawk

Author:

osm

Topic:

Diaries

Posted:

Jul 24, 2001

Comments:

osm the otter contorted his body into a crescent as he gnawed at the patch of matted fur. the fur dangled from his back, near the base of his mange-ridden tail and had been irritating him for several weeks now. osm's gnawing quickly reached obsessive levels and he began to snort wildly as he chewed at the tangled mass.

More diaries by osm

	I don't enjoy life
	Movie Review
	Of Microsoft and "Great" Britain
	The Truth Behind ESR's Sex Tips
	The Dating Game
	opalhawk's childlike innocence
	[UPDATED]heavenly white roses seem to whisper to me when opalhawk smiles
	Can't sleep? Bored with the same-ol' same-ol'?
	no sleep for the weary
	heresy
	what the hell am i doing here?
	smaerd dicul htiw erutnevda yadnus
	a new hope
	life changing event
	help wanted
	life is grand
	crud
	rain
	surgical strikes
	decisions, decisions
	lifestyle changes in face of terrorism
	lesbian update
	what a freak
	MY weird uncle benny
	Why Natalie Portman Is Better Than Any Of You
	exorcising haunted attics
	we've hit the big time, baby!
	has natalie met her match??
	unfortunately, she speaks english
	a whole new perspective
	Hell in a Handbasket
	famous last words
	I Miss Hauntedattics
	Startling Revelation
	Occupying America
	Super Bowl Commercial
	Happy Birthday, Reagan
	OB-La-Di, OB-La-Da
	Happy Valentine's Day!
	The Day the Dopes Came Over
	IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
	clusterlizard survives barage of hacking attempts!
	I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep
	This is my diary
	Queen Mum Spontaneously Reanimates, Does Elvis Imitation

osm was completely unaware of the nubile form approaching from the deep mists of the forest and was rather startled at the soft, sweet voice, "hello!"

osm turned to the hypnotic eyes which ensnared his gaze. he completely forgot about the itching clump of moist fur, "uh-hhhhh-huh--hhhhhh," gasped osm.

"i am opalhawk! i am hot and young and my womb is fertile," purred the vision.

osm composed himself, at the expense of a severe outbreak of perspiration, "i am osm the otter. if you would be so kind as to remove this matted fur from my buttocks, i shall be ever in your debt!"

opalhawk smiled kindly at the poor creature as she removed a machete from a sheath fastened to her ankle. carefully, caringly, she cut the parasitic lump of fur from osm's tail-base. osm's hind leg quivered uncontrollably. opalhawk smiled again and scratched the bald spot left by the removal of the clump. osm's head waivered wildly and he licked at the air.

"now, you must help me, as a token of your immeasurable gratitude, mr. otter."

"anything," osm grunted.

"let us have a picnic in the park," opalhawk said, inflecting her voice to indicate she may be asking more than suggesting.

osm thought a moment, "a picnic would be lovely!"

opalhawk smiled, betraying some degree of relief, "good."

********************************************************

opalhawk leaned back, dissolving into the otter's muscular arms and chest, "that was so lovely, osm."

"oh opalhawk. how could i have lived this long without your light showing me the way? we must go to quicktrip and partake of a vegetarian burrito! then i will take you to see the buffalo and touch you!

	-1, Derivative (1.00 / 2) (#1)
	by sventhatcher on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 06:33:00 PM PST

	This was much more amusing when it was qpt and jinwicked. --Sven (now with bonus weblog vanity site! (MLP sold seperately))

	Ummm... (3.00 / 1) (#2)
	by CaptainZornchugger on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 06:35:30 PM PST

	I think you have your innovater and your copier confused. I'm sure I've read this piece long before anybody cared about Jin Wicked. (about Natalie Portman, when I read it. and by osm.)

	smoke some more crack (none / 0) (#8)
	by osm on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 07:09:29 PM PST

	pal. your degenerate attitude toward Natalie Portman leaves you suspect anyway. i'll be watching you.

	I Confess (2.66 / 3) (#10)
	by sventhatcher on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 07:16:26 PM PST

	My disrespect for Miss Portman is simply a manifest of my deep jealousy that you realized before me that she was the Goddess of this universe and the key to man kind's salvation. I tried to fight it. I hate being a copycat, but your retlentless taunting of me has forced me to confess my horrible secret. Please forgive me for my words, it was a trial in pain to speak out against her. --Sven (now with bonus weblog vanity site! (MLP sold seperately))

	Ahem. (5.00 / 1) (#9)
	by CaptainZornchugger on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 07:15:40 PM PST

	I fear I may be expressing myself rather clumsily this evening. What I am trying to say is, that although qpt's writing is entertaining and well done, and I do not wish to disparage him at all, it is my opinion that osm is an original master when it comes to expressing love and desire towards the female of the species in a particularly innocent and surreal way. qpt's writing, though well done, strikes me as slightly less innovative, and possibly not so well done as osm's (although it would be unfair to both to do a direct comparison). Hence, I state my disagreement with you. And I really shall work on saying what I mean the first time. Maybe. More likely I'll wake up hungover and forget any such resolutions altogether.

	Silence, fool (none / 0) (#11)
	by qp on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 10:22:35 PM PST

	I suggest that you educate yourself before you post again, least you provide yet more proof of your ignorance. Firstly, it is absurd to suggest that osm found inspiration in my work, since he started many years before I did. Somewhat more difficult to determine is osm's influence on me. While we admittedly worked in a similar medium, I believe the thrusts and purposes of our works were very different. osm has always painted a portrait of innocence in obsession. He pursued a girl who would never notice him, and did it with irresistible cheek and style. Above all, however, he always wrote about his girl with gentleness and respect. osm is the quintessential shy, love struck gentleman. qpt, in contrast, is unadulterated evil. A thing so dark and twisted that to it, love is naught but a tool with which to degrade and maim. Ultimately, qpt is obsessed not with Jin Wicked, but with the pain that it longs to cause her. -------- "Hey qp, where are you? You missed the nudie shots about three minutes ago!" -- Jin Wicked And so, I died.

	OH MY GOD! (none / 0) (#12)
	by osm on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 10:58:51 PM PST

	that last paragraph brought a tear to my eye.

	Well done osm (5.00 / 2) (#3)
	by bc on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 06:41:38 PM PST

	It is good to see someone contributing to the site positively, unlike some people. I congratulate you on your observations and excellent writing, and ability to look at things in such an original way. If only more posters were like you, with honest opinions and heartfelt passions, instead of cynicism and lies. I look forward to more of these insights and more of this top notch literary output. You consider turning professional, lengthening your output beyond the novella into the proper high street paperback range. Hooray! ♥, bc.

	i guess (5.00 / 2) (#7)
	by osm on Tue Jul 24th, 2001 at 07:01:57 PM PST

	opalhawk brings out the best in me... sigh

	Vegitarian Burrito? =( (none / 0) (#13)
	by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 10:35:35 AM PST

	OSM, my faithful stalker.... I fear I am far from a vegiterian.... I would not reccomend going with me to see the Buffalo if you are a vegiterian.... I happen to love Bison meat. I am afraid watching me rend the big stupid creature limb from limb and devouring it raw would dystroy your fragile innocence, not to mention your strangely skewed vision of me. (I had a Bison burger for dinner last night... no kidding). Even if I were Natalie Portman in disguise, how could I live up to a standard such as you have set? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

	What is your problem? (5.00 / 1) (#14)
	by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 10:48:42 AM PST

	Why are you teasing him like this? Are you that desperate for attention? Do you get some kind of thrill out of leading men on? I'm trying to understand. It's obvious that you lack the wit and intelligence to appreciate a man of Warren's caliber, so why don't you just tell him "sorry, not interested and even if I was, I live in Colorado." I understand that manipulating men through your sexuality is considered fair game by women upset by the misogyny of modern society, but what you're doing isn't revenge, it's sadism. Warren is a culture, sensitive man. He has always treated women with respect. He doesn't deserve this. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	He was playing with me!..... (5.00 / 1) (#15)
	by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 11:41:36 AM PST

	....And I am playing back! Are you that desperate for attention? no. Do you get some kind of thrill out of leading men on? yes. It's obvious that you lack the wit and intelligence to appreciate a man of Warren's caliber, so why don't you just tell him "sorry, not interested and even if I was, I live in Colorado." Last I chekced, this was not about Warren and Robyn... this was about osm and opalhawk... I never said I was not interested, I am actually quite flattered. I am sorry that you feel I lack the wit to appreciate his antics. For the record, I think it's cute. what you're doing isn't revenge, it's sadism He was aware of my perversions before all of this unfurled. If he can't love me for who I am, I don't want his affections, no matter how endearing. I am an evil sadistic bitch. He knew this before getting involved. If Warren wants Robyn to stop... he can ask her... he hasn't. My e-mail address is valid. BTW... Warren... you need to update your web page... your little compatibility test app is not there... pout (There are lots of other broken links too... =(.......) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

	my dearest sweet, (none / 0) (#16)
	by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 12:18:19 PM PST

	your low self-image ("I am an evil sadistic bitch") hurts me deeply. you have been spending too much time with the wrong people. i also suspect abuse by one or both parents. you need someone who will feel your pain and walk with you toward a more healthy psyche. these people you are associating with are abusive scum, feeding off of your emotional turmoil. i will lash them to within an inch of their lives. yes. my website recently suffered a devastating accident. most of my material was lost. however, i am quite ashamed to say, the compatibility test was rigged lowering head in shame such that the only person who could have possibly passed was Natalie Portman. be patient with me. later, i will post another glorious tribute to your utter perfection. yours, osm

	But, you don't understand. (3.00 / 2) (#17)
	by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 12:19:43 PM PST

	your low self-image ("I am an evil sadistic bitch") hurts me deeply. She really is. It isn't a "low self-image," it's the gods-honest truth. Trust me, I know. It's part of why we love her. A troll's true colors.

	be gone. (none / 0) (#18)
	by osm on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 12:23:27 PM PST

	aren't you due for another lashing from your "wife"?

	Attn SpaceGhoti (5.00 / 1) (#20)
	by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 12:31:56 PM PST

	If you're looking for your comment, it's been hidden. Vulgar comments that demean women have no place on Adequacy.org. If you wish to post comments like this, I suggest either Geekizoid or the forums on Something Awful. We all think you have a place on this site, but please refrain from posting comments of this nature in the future. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	Vulgarity (none / 0) (#21)
	by SpaceGhoti on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 12:39:28 PM PST

	And this isn't? I was responding in kind, but I shan't argue with you (Infinite in Your Wisdom). A troll's true colors.

	You have a point (none / 0) (#22)
	by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 01:01:33 PM PST

	Osm was very close to the line (I think he perceives you as a rival), but you crossed the line. I came very close to hiding osm's comment as well. I understand that you were provoked, but you could have found a better way to respond. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	vulgerity vs the truth (5.00 / 1) (#23)
	by Nist on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 01:26:31 PM PST

	Hey, I happen to have it on very good authority that what SpaceGhoti said was true. Perhaps he is again due for a good lashing, but if the poor girl is still sore..... gods give it a rest already with the selective censorship! Like you care what I have to say anyway.

	Dear opalhawk (none / 0) (#24)
	by Peter Johnson on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 02:17:27 PM PST

	While creating secondary accounts to support your friends is less pathetic than using them to support yourself, it's still sad. It's even more sad when you can't be bothered to create a throwaway hotmail account for the purpose. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	Wow! Good editor! pats little peter on the head (5.00 / 1) (#25)
	by opalhawk on Wed Jul 25th, 2001 at 02:27:09 PM PST

	Damn! He pays attention! Give the boy a cookie! Ever stop to think that perhaps I am not trying to mask my identity? If I were trying, I would certianaly not use an obvious e-mail like I did... I wouldn't use hotmail either, as that is also a glowing neon sign.... Of course, it would do no good anywhow... everyone knows that if you are not an editor, you are really just another incartaion of SpaceGhoti. So why bother having accounts at all? Infact, I think -you- are really SpaceGhoti... or one of his more distasteful personalities.... Darling, take your medication! Remember how it makes you happy? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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